Maybe I’m going to get the bad mom of the year award (or perhaps the bad wife of the year award) for writing this, but I really want some feedback. Because there is a little debate going on in our house (hence the possibility that my husband gets really mad by this post), but here is my question: Do you or have you ever sent your kid to school sick?
Here’s the deal. I’ve realized that there are things I don’t like about public school. One of them is the attendance policy. My daughter gets 8 absences (unexcused or not) and 8 after that as long as a doctor’s note is provided.
We were at 7 absences when we had to go out of state to a funeral. I called the school, explained the situation and they were totally understanding. We were gone from school 3 days. Then 2 days later, she gets sick. We were gone from school another 2 days and one days that week she had to come home early. SOOOO….she has missed a lot of school lately. And, yes, I know it’s just 1st grade, but they do care.
*side note: I’m a rule follower, so this whole issue stresses me out a wee bit.
Now to this issue at hand. She might just be learning at 6 1/2 years old that if she says she doesn’t feel good, her mommy that suffers from anxiety (especially as it relates to germs and kids getting sick), might just panic a bit and want to keep her home. So, she’s had this cough and stuffy nose that she’s been complaining of ever since she missed school LAST week for said illness. This morning she wakes up groggy (not a morning person) and says she’s super tired. Next complaint she is super cold. Eating breakfast (her tummy hurts real bad….oh and her head, too). So, that is when I start to panic. I feel her head and it feels warm. I grab the thermometer, check her temp and it is 100.2. Done. She’s staying home.
Insert eye rolling from husband here.
I can sense that he thinks I’m over-reacting. He is a Physician Assistant who worked in family practice for 2 years and has a little experience with school system rules, sick kids, and parents that over react. Oh and medicine too. He knows a little about that.
He tells me, “We should keep getting her ready for school and see how she is acting before we decide” I begin to argue…but she has a FEVER. “Well, kid fevers are different. And, technically it’s not a true fever until it is 100.4” Now insert MY eye roll.
Meanwhile my precious 6 year old has asked to lay on the couch and watch TV (something she’s learned from the previous week perhaps?) I tell her absolutely not. If she is sick than she can lay in her bed and go back to sleep. She complies. For about 20 minutes.
I decide during that 20 minute period that maybe my husband has a point. And lo and behold, she comes out and asks for more food. (Phew. Not a stomach bug). I decide to tell her she has to get dressed and ready for school and see how she is doing. She may have to go after all. She cries, and doesn’t want to. We get her all ready and then she seems to perk up. She is playing with brothers and smiling and laughing.
So, I write her teacher a note to call me if anything seems off. And we send her on her way about an hour late. I had re-taken the temp and it was 99.5. Hmmm.
So, my question is, do any other parents face this same issue? What do you do? Do you just always keep your child home? Now, my husband can check ears, and stuff like that at home, so we know when it is serious, but when it is something mild like this going on, do you think that it is OK to send your child to school when they might be a little off? How do you deal with school policies? Do you always take your child to the doctor just to get a doctor’s note? Are we being bad parents by sending her because we might get other kids sick?
Please solve the debate in our house. Because I’m fighting someone with some medical smarts…and I feel like I’m losing. Maybe I AM overreacting. I have a tendency to do that. BTW, she is on her way home from school as I type this. So, she obviously survived the day. We’ll have to see how she is feeling/acting when she gets home.
Avery sick back in August. Kitty is keeping her company.
*update: she came home happy, smiling, NO fever (98.3), and “so happy she went to school today because she got to do a report on cats on the computer and she had never done that before.”
I totally had this debate in my house today! Since my little guy is in preschool and I knew he would not be able to really participate well I made the choice to keep him home. Not sure it was the best choice – but he DID end up having a 3.5 hour nap
For me, I’m not at all worried about my kids spreading germs to other kids when they are “a little off.” The main reason I would think about keeping Theo home in that scenario, though, would be that (in my opinion and maybe some fact behind it?) when you are “a little off” (slight fever, not feeling great overall) you’re more likely to pick up other bugs because your immune system is compromised. And you probably need to rest. That’s why if Lars has a runny nose or is acting really really tired, I don’t send him to nursery. I’m not worried about the other kids but I feel like he’s more likely to pick up something worse than he already has, when he’s not 100%. (Hence the reason that although he’s 20 months old I can count on one hand the number of times he’s been to nursery.)
That being said, Theo has not yet learned about begging to stay home. He’s asked to stay home a few times before when he didn’t seem “that” sick–once or twice in preschool, and once in kindergarten so far–and he ended up being fine all day, mostly just resting. Should he have stayed home? Yes, because he wasn’t likely to ask to stay home unless he really felt bad. As he gets older I think I will need to change that policy.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with staying home, especially in first grade! But I can see both sides. And depending on the kid, it might be setting a bad precedent to let them stay home whenever they want. But as long as my kids don’t do it too often, I’m more than willing to let them stay home when they ask to.
This is always my concern, too. Classmates/friends are probably already exposed since most germs are spread before symptoms manifest. But I worry about the kids picking up a second illness while their immune system is down. I’d do exactly what you did today.
I am always worried about what others will think. But, the thing is…I was sort of right too! I told him to bring home his stethoscope tonight to listen to her lungs, and sure enough, he said that they weren’t clear! So, she is probably going to start antibiotics tomorrow. So, I had a hunch and was right too.
OMG. We have the same life. Same anxieties. Same husband. It’s weird. Truly. I battle with this all of the time. I’m just like you in the fact that if they have a fever….done deal, staying home. And just like you, my husband gets completely annoyed with me when this all happens (mainly I think because this might mean he has to miss some work, which he doesn’t like to do unless it’s hockey related)…..but that’s a whole other issue.
I honestly don’t know the right answer. It’s so not black and white. I HAVE sent my kids to school seemingly “under the weather” only because I had 7 clients scheduled that day and I figured, if they really are sick, they’ll tell someone and then they’ll call me and I’ll come home.
My favorite part of your post: That you’re a rule follower. I’m the biggest rule follower there is and I will go so far as to take out the school handbook and show my husband “it says right here if they have a fever over 100.00 they cannot come to school!!!!”. Good LUck trying to figure this whole thing out……let me know what you find!!!!
hahaha!! Love that I’m not the only one “referring to the handbook” on crap like this. Why can’t I get over my hang up of always following the rules!?? And, please move to SLC so we can be best friends. 😉
My teenage daughter suffers from chronic headaches and migraines so I have definitely sent her when she’s feeling less than wonderful. I’ve even taken medication to her at school for her headache so she could get through the day. As they get older missing days is harder and harder.
As a school administrator I am not going to really help you any. See, I feel that if a child is sick, they should stay home. Why? We are all in the same building and eventually we will all get sick, I am also a germaphobe (sp?). That is one side of the coin.
As the administrator who does truancy conferences, I often frown upon parents who keep their children at home for every little thing. However, I have cases, that once the parent tell me the issue (i.e. asthma) I work closely with the parent to make sure the absences are excused.
Do I think this helped you? Probably not!
It is not an easy issue! I think you should make an appointment with the school administrator and share your concerns. This will help your piece of mind if she has to miss school again due to an illness.
Strategy I give my parents whose children are truant, bring the child in, leave her in school for about an hour, and then, take her out early. The child goes home, the school is not exposed to the germs all day, you feel better, and your child gets better faster!
Thanks for your input!! And I have figured out the little check them out early thing…or taking them in late to see how they are doing first.
If there is no fever, my kids go… I’ve burned through so much of my own sick and vacation time with them being sick for real, that my barometer of “sickness” is pretty rough. Plus, my 5 y/o has an anxious tummy and I in no way want to reinforce school refusal stuff when he gets bigger. So, I send them. And then I feel bad. But they usually come home feeling happy and bright and I kow the school will call me if there is an issue. So, its all good!