Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement In the Motherhood Mental Health Motherhood Parenting

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

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If you’ve been here a while, you know that I like to talk about the hard stuff like the negative feelings that go along with parenting. None of us can be perfect parents. But, how do you deal with those moments when you feel like you absolutely hate being a parent? Despite what you see on social media, we’ve all been there. 

Having negative emotions is totally normal and expected. The stages of parenting that don’t get talked about in your parenting book are the ones that are not so popular. Like, when the kid learns to say I hate you, or when they have a lying problem, or when the teenager is being rebellious.

There are plenty of intense feelings that come along with parenting, and although we know it’s a good life, it can still be kind of the worst, sometimes. So you’re hating being a parent? Welcome to the club. You’re not alone. 

Why Am I Feeling This Way?

Understanding why you feel this way is a crucial step in managing it. Only you can dig deep and know if it’s because you’re missing your old life, lack of sleep, or you have real postpartum depression.

Then there are the things that we ALL go through – parental burnout and resentment.

Perhaps what it boils down to is feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and like you’ve lost a part of yourself in the process.

It’s like your life is a book, and the pages are all about your kids, leaving no room for your interests, hobbies, or sanity. Whether you’re a parent for the first time, a stay-at-home mom, a single mom, or have a family member to help, remember – parenting is hard work no matter what.

And most parents are good parents. Even if they don’t like parenting once in a while. 

Remember, It’s Okay to Feel This Way

Let’s make one thing crystal clear: it’s perfectly normal to have moments of frustration and even resentment. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact, acknowledging these feelings makes you self-aware.

We’re human, not parenting robots.

Our emotions are complex, and parenting can stir up a whole pot of them. So, if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yep, that’s me,” remember that you’re doing great by even acknowledging your feelings.

Give yourself some time to sit with them too. You have less freedom now that you’re a parent. Once you stepped into that new role, the life as you knew it was over. That’s something that can feel suffocating and depressing for a lot of people. 

Learning to sit with this new realization that your old life is long gone and giving yourself time to grieve what you left behind is a great way to move into acceptance of your new life.

Yes, it’s a lot of work, and there’s a good chance that you’ll have days now and then when you still get frustrated and resent being a parent, but if you take the time to grieve the loss of your old life, there’s a better chance you’ll be able to find more of the beautiful things that are now part of your life now that you’ve become a parent. 

Self-Care Is Not a Buzzword; It’s a Lifeline

In my book, The Mother Load, I talk a whole lot about the importance of self-care and how to make it happen in real life. It’s not just a buzz word though.

Lack of self-care is a common reason why happy parents start to feel like a bad mom or dad when before that, they were feeling OK about things.

Imagine working a job where you never felt appreciated, and never got to have a lunch break or go to the bathroom. That would make you feel burned out and you’d likely start looking for a new job immediately. 

Parenting is no different. Self-care is like the golden ticket to coping with those “I hate being a parent” moments.

Chances are, you’re hating being a parent because you don’t have time to give yourself a damn break.

And before you think you don’t have time or money for self-care, that’s what I talk about in my book.

It’s not about spa days and expensive vacations (although those are lovely if you can swing them). Self-care can be simple moments you carve out in your day that refuel you and make you feel whole. It’s about carving out those moments in your day for you, the person who existed before kids.

I know it’s been a long time, but do you remember her? She’s still in there, I promise. 

Mental Health Matters, and So Do You

Your mental well-being is as crucial as your child’s health. So, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help if you’re struggling with persistent feelings of hating being a parent.

A therapist is so nice, but even support groups, a trusted friend, or supportive families can be a lifeline during a hard time. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. Professional support can let you know that you’re not alone in this parenting journey, and that others have navigated these stormy seas before you. 

But, finding friends and creating social circles of other parents that get it can create an environment where you help each other out and support one another. This can be online or in person, too. It really doesn’t matter.

What matters is taking care of your mental health. That’s the ultimate form of self-care. Make sure you have enough love for yourself as you do that little person in your life.

Then, take care of you. 

Take time to get some perspective too. 

I loathe it when people tell me to think more positively, or to stop being negative. No. We’re allowed to feel these negative emotions too!

But, sometimes spending a moment when you’re down to remember what it was like to be child free might help. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking of how much time you got to spend with your best friend, and all the freedom you had to take naps, travel, and shower as long as you wanted. I know. I know. Life was good back then. 

But, take a minute to imagine your life without your kid’s arms wrapped around your neck, or the moment your first child was placed in your arms. Imagine missing out on hearing the words, “I love you.” for the first time.

These years with young children at home are so damn hard, but if you’re anything like me, you know that they are some of the best. And as much as you hate to admit it – you will miss it one day. 

Parenting is a journey, not a destination. You might hate it today, but tomorrow, you could be overwhelmed with love and joy as you watch your child achieve something new.

That’s just the way it works. It feels like a damn roller coaster that you can’t get off of, but one day, you’ll find that deep sense of purpose and realize that watching these beautiful humans grow up is one of the greatest gifts. 

But, don’t worry – you don’t have to be there right now.

Right now, you’re allowed to slow down.

Grieve.

And understand that it’s normal to go through moments of hating being a parent. The perspective will come eventually. It doesn’t have to be today. But remember, slowing down and giving yourself time to reflect can sometimes be just what you need to go back to the full-time job that is parenting. 

You’ve Got This

When you find yourself in the depths of “I hate being a parent,” take a step back, breathe, and remember that it’s okay.

Embrace those feelings, seek support, practice self-care, and remember the power of perspective. It really is okay to dislike parts of parenting.

You are a human being and parenting is a lot of pressure.

We all go through similar feelings but we are still great parents. Remember to find your sense of self in all the mess.

Remember to love the person you’re becoming through all of this.

Remember your emotional wellbeing is important, and sometimes that looks like having a total shit day, wallowing in mom guilt for a minute, then picking yourself up and working hard to give yourself the childhood you never had. 

You’re ok, mama. Even if you hate being a parent today. 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Definitely true for me. ❤️ Definitely true for me. ❤️
"I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the "I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the time, or even most of the time for that matter. I think you can have a growth mindset and not gaslight yourself into always looking on the bright side and saying everything terrible that happens in life is an opportunity for growth.

There has to be a middle ground."

Read my latest. Link in profile.
I agree. 😂 @chasemit I agree. 😂 @chasemit
"I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers t "I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers to them like I am to myself. 
If I'm being honest - sometimes I feel like I'm 15 different mothers.

I'm patient, loving, and kind. I'm creative and dull.

I'm happy and dancing in the kitchen one minute, and begging for a nap and to be left alone the next minute. 

Sometimes, I wonder if they'll remember the tears I had for no reason at all. Sitting on the couch feeling empty and sad. They come and give me hugs unsolicited as I cry. I am depressed and overwhelmed. I wonder if they will remember that version of me?"

I hope you'll read my latest. ❤️
Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this lesson too. 
Life is hard and we often make so many big decisions based on EMOTIONS. Instead we need to get curious about the why behind that emotion. Are we scared, sad, anxious, angry? Whatever it is - feeling and emotions are not "bad" or "good." In fact we control very little about them! 
So if we can learn to SLOW down when we feel them and get curious that's the first step to figuring out the why behind them. Then we move forward and act  AFTER we've felt. 
It's a lesson I'm still learning and hope my kids will learn a lot faster then me. 

If you like convos like these join me over on substack. 🙏

#emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawareness #momlife #feelings #parentinglikewhoa
😂😂😂 It's me. 😂😂😂 It's me.
Read my latest on Substack. 🥰 #peoplepleaserpro Read my latest on Substack. 🥰 #peoplepleaserproblems #wallflowers #mentalhealth #growth #mindsetmatters
Yessss. So important. @banhass Yessss. So important. @banhass
Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇 "In 2018, Busin Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇
"In 2018, Business Insider published an article reporting that one study concluded that it took roughly 200 hours to make a close friend. Ouch.

And before you can consider someone even a casual friend? At least a 50 hour investment. YIKES.

Is it any wonder that making mom friends is so hard? Moms are busy. We’re exhausted. We’re overwhelmed. We have chores and jobs and responsibilities. Investing 200 hours into someone is, well, a lot.

Honestly at the end of a long day with kids, the last thing I want to do is invest time talking. I’ve talked all day. I just want silence.

But, it sounds like the return on our investment could come through in a big way (hello living longer and having a bitch buddy!) Those rewards are big if we can make the time and put in the effort.

Because close relationships have bigger rewards than casual ones."

Learn all about why making friends is important, why we all want them, and how it can actually lower our cortisol. Check out my latest on S U B S T A C K. :)
Here are three things everyone needs to know about Here are three things everyone needs to know about kindness that are important to your mental health. 

1. Kindness does not mean you don't have boundaries. So often we do things for the sake of being kind even when we don't want to. Kindness does not equal saying yes all the time. Learning to say no is like a muscle you need to exercise to get better at it. Saying no doesn't automatically mean you are unkind. 

2. Kindness doesn't look like self betrayal. Ever. If you do something that you don't want to do because you're afraid of exercising that saying no muscle - you'll end up struggling with your own mental health. Listen to your gut and trust when kindness feels meaningful to you and when it feels like an obligation. 

3. Kindness to yourself is just as important as any external kindness you are showing to the world. In fact - I would argue that it's the most important way to have balance and good mental health. 

"Be kind" is a mantra these days and it's a good one. But know what kindness is. It's when you're moved to do something for someone else but that doesn't mean you abandon yourself in the process. 

If anything - true kindness to others should help you feel more connected to yourself ❤️ 

#kindness #bekindtoyourself #mentalhealth #selfcare
Yup. 😂 Yup. 😂
I wrote the book! It’s on sale right now too. 😎
If you feel over-freaking-whelmed by parenting, your mental health is suffering and you find social media so NOT relatable because your parenting journey feels and looks WAAY messier - you need this book in your life. 😍 #themotherload #mentalhealthadvocate #thementalload #momlifebelike #anxietyanddepression #maternalmentalhealth
Ooof. This hit hard. Ooof. This hit hard.
"We are parenting in an age full of information th "We are parenting in an age full of information thrown at us on how to be the best parent.
We’re constantly told to do more with our kids. Educate faster and earlier. Get them in sports by three or they won’t make the team when they get to high school.

How could we possibly accomplish all that and NOT helicopter? Do preschoolers know how to research the best preschools and sign up for T-ball on their own all while making a free range chicken dinner (that you don’t heat up in a plastic container, btw)?

And, what about the worries we have of keeping them safe from school shootings, pornography, social media, and too much screen time?

I’m told not to take my child his homework when he forgets it, but I’m also told to make sure he has enough AP classes and good grades to get into a good college. 

I’m told not to let them roam freely outside because the world is a scary place and for sure someone could kidnap them, but I’m also told that kids today need more fresh air.

So, when exactly am I supposed to get housework done and my job done, too if I have to sit outside watching my kids ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk?

The demands on mothers today are confusing to say the least. We get mixed messages constantly.

The truth is — I’m stressed out.

I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but I also don’t know how NOT to be and get everything done that parents today are expected to do." 

Read my latest on substack (link always in my profile)
Sometimes breaking cycles looks like this. Being Sometimes breaking cycles looks like this. 
Being proud of calm days because you know you’re calming your kids’ nervous systems by being calm yourself. 
Hang in there mamas. We’re doing it. 
#cyclebreakers #calm #peacefulparenting #momlife #mentalhealth
Yesssss. Yesssss.
I’m allll about this power move at this stage of I’m allll about this power move at this stage of my life. People are having their own experience independent of me and are going to have their own assumptions, feelings, and actions about me. That’s just life. My advice? Just keep doing your thing and the people that know the real you and get to be in your safe space are the lucky ones. 
Make sure to check out my post from yesterday about self betrayal too in case you missed it. #selflove #selfvalidation #peaceofmind #safespace
"My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked "My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked like ignoring my intuition or quieting my own voice.
For you, it might look like “being nice” even when you’re being walked all over. Even when you’re mad at yourself afterward. For someone else, it might look like conforming. This happens in situations like the time one of my kids participated in something she told me ahead of time she didn’t want to do and then she fell apart afterward.

What self-betrayal looks like can be different for everyone.

Sometimes it’s a conscious thing we do and other times it might be a subtle habit we do to keep others around us happier than we are ourselves because of a trauma response.

It could look like being the people pleaser, or the peacemaker because that’s the role we had to play in a volatile household growing up.

The cost of self-betrayal is high though.
The cost of self-betrayal is that we no longer belong to ourselves. And if we first don’t belong to ourselves, we certainly can’t truly belong anywhere else."

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What self-betrayal means. I hope you'll read it. New post in my substack.
Snow was falling this morning on my walk and it ca Snow was falling this morning on my walk and it calmed my heart. B R E A T H E mamas.
This is something I’ve been working on this past This is something I’ve been working on this past year. It’s amazing to me how little I truly belonged to myself for so long. 
These things are not selfish. 
They are how you return home to yourself.
Swipe right to see what I’ve been working on and how you can start belonging to yourself again. 
Which one resonates? Which one do you struggle with?
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