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By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement In the Motherhood Mental Health Motherhood Parenting

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

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If you’ve been here a while, you know that I like to talk about the hard stuff like the negative feelings that go along with parenting. None of us can be perfect parents. But, how do you deal with those moments when you feel like you absolutely hate being a parent? Despite what you see on social media, we’ve all been there. 

Having negative emotions is totally normal and expected. The stages of parenting that don’t get talked about in your parenting book are the ones that are not so popular. Like, when the kid learns to say I hate you, or when they have a lying problem, or when the teenager is being rebellious.

There are plenty of intense feelings that come along with parenting, and although we know it’s a good life, it can still be kind of the worst, sometimes. So you’re hating being a parent? Welcome to the club. You’re not alone. 

Why Am I Feeling This Way?

Understanding why you feel this way is a crucial step in managing it. Only you can dig deep and know if it’s because you’re missing your old life, lack of sleep, or you have real postpartum depression.

Then there are the things that we ALL go through – parental burnout and resentment.

Perhaps what it boils down to is feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and like you’ve lost a part of yourself in the process.

It’s like your life is a book, and the pages are all about your kids, leaving no room for your interests, hobbies, or sanity. Whether you’re a parent for the first time, a stay-at-home mom, a single mom, or have a family member to help, remember – parenting is hard work no matter what.

And most parents are good parents. Even if they don’t like parenting once in a while. 

Remember, It’s Okay to Feel This Way

Let’s make one thing crystal clear: it’s perfectly normal to have moments of frustration and even resentment. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact, acknowledging these feelings makes you self-aware.

We’re human, not parenting robots.

Our emotions are complex, and parenting can stir up a whole pot of them. So, if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yep, that’s me,” remember that you’re doing great by even acknowledging your feelings.

Give yourself some time to sit with them too. You have less freedom now that you’re a parent. Once you stepped into that new role, the life as you knew it was over. That’s something that can feel suffocating and depressing for a lot of people. 

Learning to sit with this new realization that your old life is long gone and giving yourself time to grieve what you left behind is a great way to move into acceptance of your new life.

Yes, it’s a lot of work, and there’s a good chance that you’ll have days now and then when you still get frustrated and resent being a parent, but if you take the time to grieve the loss of your old life, there’s a better chance you’ll be able to find more of the beautiful things that are now part of your life now that you’ve become a parent. 

Self-Care Is Not a Buzzword; It’s a Lifeline

In my book, The Mother Load, I talk a whole lot about the importance of self-care and how to make it happen in real life. It’s not just a buzz word though.

Lack of self-care is a common reason why happy parents start to feel like a bad mom or dad when before that, they were feeling OK about things.

Imagine working a job where you never felt appreciated, and never got to have a lunch break or go to the bathroom. That would make you feel burned out and you’d likely start looking for a new job immediately. 

Parenting is no different. Self-care is like the golden ticket to coping with those “I hate being a parent” moments.

Chances are, you’re hating being a parent because you don’t have time to give yourself a damn break.

And before you think you don’t have time or money for self-care, that’s what I talk about in my book.

It’s not about spa days and expensive vacations (although those are lovely if you can swing them). Self-care can be simple moments you carve out in your day that refuel you and make you feel whole. It’s about carving out those moments in your day for you, the person who existed before kids.

I know it’s been a long time, but do you remember her? She’s still in there, I promise. 

Mental Health Matters, and So Do You

Your mental well-being is as crucial as your child’s health. So, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help if you’re struggling with persistent feelings of hating being a parent.

A therapist is so nice, but even support groups, a trusted friend, or supportive families can be a lifeline during a hard time. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. Professional support can let you know that you’re not alone in this parenting journey, and that others have navigated these stormy seas before you. 

But, finding friends and creating social circles of other parents that get it can create an environment where you help each other out and support one another. This can be online or in person, too. It really doesn’t matter.

What matters is taking care of your mental health. That’s the ultimate form of self-care. Make sure you have enough love for yourself as you do that little person in your life.

Then, take care of you. 

Take time to get some perspective too. 

I loathe it when people tell me to think more positively, or to stop being negative. No. We’re allowed to feel these negative emotions too!

But, sometimes spending a moment when you’re down to remember what it was like to be child free might help. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking of how much time you got to spend with your best friend, and all the freedom you had to take naps, travel, and shower as long as you wanted. I know. I know. Life was good back then. 

But, take a minute to imagine your life without your kid’s arms wrapped around your neck, or the moment your first child was placed in your arms. Imagine missing out on hearing the words, “I love you.” for the first time.

These years with young children at home are so damn hard, but if you’re anything like me, you know that they are some of the best. And as much as you hate to admit it – you will miss it one day. 

Parenting is a journey, not a destination. You might hate it today, but tomorrow, you could be overwhelmed with love and joy as you watch your child achieve something new.

That’s just the way it works. It feels like a damn roller coaster that you can’t get off of, but one day, you’ll find that deep sense of purpose and realize that watching these beautiful humans grow up is one of the greatest gifts. 

But, don’t worry – you don’t have to be there right now.

Right now, you’re allowed to slow down.

Grieve.

And understand that it’s normal to go through moments of hating being a parent. The perspective will come eventually. It doesn’t have to be today. But remember, slowing down and giving yourself time to reflect can sometimes be just what you need to go back to the full-time job that is parenting. 

You’ve Got This

When you find yourself in the depths of “I hate being a parent,” take a step back, breathe, and remember that it’s okay.

Embrace those feelings, seek support, practice self-care, and remember the power of perspective. It really is okay to dislike parts of parenting.

You are a human being and parenting is a lot of pressure.

We all go through similar feelings but we are still great parents. Remember to find your sense of self in all the mess.

Remember to love the person you’re becoming through all of this.

Remember your emotional wellbeing is important, and sometimes that looks like having a total shit day, wallowing in mom guilt for a minute, then picking yourself up and working hard to give yourself the childhood you never had. 

You’re ok, mama. Even if you hate being a parent today. 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth
My newest post. I hope you’ll read it. Link to S My newest post. I hope you’ll read it. Link to Substack in profile.
😂😂 @fiftyfirsttates 😂😂 @fiftyfirsttates
So true. And the ones that live close you do the s So true. And the ones that live close you do the same thing because schedules never line up! Tag your besties. @tragicallyhere
Load More Follow on Instagram

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