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By Meredith Ethington

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In the Motherhood Inspiration Mental Health Mom Life Motherhood

Being a mom is too much for me. What should I do?

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Many women want to be mothers so badly, until they have a child, and then they wonder – Is being a mom too much for me? If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone.

Motherhood comes with a lot of ups and downs. It’s normal to feel like being a mom is too much.

It’s just that women don’t usually say this out loud, so we often feel alone when we feel like it isn’t normal to be tired of being a mom.

But, I’m here to tell you that it IS normal to have days when you don’t want to be a mom.

It’s normal to feel like being a mom is too much, too. Maybe you’ve even asked yourself why you wanted to be a mother so badly in the first place?

Society puts a lot of pressure on women to become mothers. From the time we are little girls, we’re given baby dolls to play with, and taught how to babysit. We’re also taught that girls are more nurturing naturally, and that we should want children.

But, to be honest – I wish we would normalize that being a mother is too much for some women.

So, is being a mom worth it or not?

I would say it depends. Looking back with the hindsight of 16 years of parenting under my belt, I can say that yes – it’s been worth it for me. Are there things I wish I would have done differently? Hell, yes.

Did I make mistakes? Also yes.

Do I sometimes think maybe my kids would be better off with a different mother? Um, yes.

In fact, there have been times that I have been afraid that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother because it is so damn hard.

Have I also thought to myself, “Being a mom is too much for me.” YES. Of course, I have.

But, the reality is, only YOU know if you are willing to become a mom, and do all that it takes to be a decent one. Because anyone can have a child, but being a mom, or mommy is totally different than just having the baby.

Middle-aged tired single mother suffers from her children, mom feels exhausted by noisy kids, scream, funny. Crazy motherhood.
Adobestock

Being a mom requires lots of sacrifice, and sometimes that can seem like too much.

You may have enough thought to yourself that you hate being a mom. That’s a scary feeling to have. But, it can also be totally normal.

When you become a mom, you have to sacrifice so much. You give up sleep, personal space, time, your body as it was, career goals, and the list can go on and on.

When you give up so much of yourself, it can totally make you feel like you hate being a mom.

So, what should you do if you think to yourself, “I hate being a mom.”?

Because, let’s be real, if being a mom feels like too much for you, you’re going to hate it. That’s just reality. The cold hard truth is that once you become a mom, you can’t give them back. motherhood just doesn’t work that way.

And, most moms would never do that anyway.

So, if you feel like you hate being a mom, the first step is probably to tell someone that you’re struggling. Feelings like this can be common in the newborn stage. It could be a result of postpartum depression, or anxiety.

These feelings could be the result of a lack of help from your partner.

You could also feel like you hate being a mom simply because you’re not taking time for yourself, or you aren’t practicing enough, or the right kind, of self care.

Asking yourself what you hate about being a mom could help you figure out what changes you need to make.

I went into motherhood thinking that being just a mom was enough. Because, I thought it would fulfill me in all the ways society convinced me that it would.

I thought making meals for them would be fun, and that I was for sure going to be the fun mom. I’d also never tire of their requests for more stories at bedtime, and I knew that I would never think that being a mom is too much for me.

But, it turns out, I’m the mom that hates cooking, hates playing make believe, and felt immense amounts of guilt about whether or not I was enjoying motherhood enough.

I realized at some point that I didn’t hate being a mom, I hated trying to be the mom that I thought I would be.

mom kissing baby with toddler also kissing baby with quote attached.

If being a mom is too much, maybe it’s as simple as adjusting your expectations of that you thought motherhood would be. I realized that being just a mom wasn’t enough for me. I started some hobbies. But, even that didn’t feel like enough.

I realized I wanted to be more than just a mom. I wanted to work. So, I started writing, and that quickly became something fulfilling and meaningful to me. It’s grown into publishing my own book, and owning multiple websites that bring in money. I became a business owner, and loved it.

By having something that was just mine outside of motherhood, I realized that I could enjoy being a mom when I did focus on that.

I still didn’t love playing make believe though.

If being a mom is too much – it’s possible that you’re just in a hard stage of motherhood.

Maybe you’d in a stage that isn’t a good fit for your personality. That’s OK.

Some moms love the newborn stage, and other mothers hate it. Some love the years of preschoolers. Other moms dread the baby talk and mundane tasks that make up new motherhood.

All of this is normal.

Finding the stage of motherhood that you do enjoy might surprise you, and it might come later on.

I’m finding that I love having teenagers way more than I thought I would. I don’t love the big kid problems, but I do love playing card games, having real conversations about important topics, and I absolutely love teasing them.

So, it’s possible that being a mom isn’t too much for you, it’s just too much for you right now.

Perhaps, you even hate being a mom so much that you want to leave. What should you do?

Again, I would say – you need to tell someone. Start with your partner or a close trusted friend. Tell your doctor if you’re brand new to motherhood.

Running away from motherhood sounds dreamy to all women some days. But, if you’re having thoughts of leaving your children, or leaving this earth, you should seek help immediately. It now only takes three digits to reach the national suicide hotline – dialing 988. Don’t be ashamed to seek help if you’re feeling this way.

The work of a mother is tiring, overwhelming, and thankless most days.

Even our partners often don’t understand the complex feelings that motherhood can bring.

But, seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of. Feeling like being a mom is too much is also nothing to be ashamed of either.

Thankfully, we live in a world now where mental health issues are becoming more and more de-stigmatized and we can talk more openly about depression and anxiety.

Mothers need a support system when they are raising kids, so my biggest piece of advice if you feel like you should leave is first, to tell someone, and second ask for help.

I have heard from many mothers over the years that are disappointed with the reality of modern motherhood.

Some women even have regrets about having children at all.

This is also normal. If I can emphasize anything it’s that all of these feelings are totally normal.

NORMAL.

There is so much beauty to be found in motherhood, but I would say that it’s not something that just comes naturally to all women.

Motherhood is not something all women should do.

It’s not something women can do alone well.

Being a mom can feel like too much. And, that’s 100% normal.

But, there are millions of women out there that get it. You’re not alone in your feelings.

And knowing that you’re not the only one that has said to herself, “being a mom is too much for me” is enough to at least bring a little comfort.

Because knowing you’re not alone is half the battle when you’re struggling with something hard.

And, motherhood falls into that category of the hardest damn job on earth. But, you’re doing it. Even if it feels like too much.

And that’s what being a mother is all about.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth
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