Many women want to be mothers so badly, until they have a child, and then they wonder – Is being a mom too much for me? If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone.
Motherhood comes with a lot of ups and downs. It’s normal to feel like being a mom is too much.
It’s just that women don’t usually say this out loud, so we often feel alone when we feel like it isn’t normal to be tired of being a mom.
But, I’m here to tell you that it IS normal to have days when you don’t want to be a mom.
It’s normal to feel like being a mom is too much, too. Maybe you’ve even asked yourself why you wanted to be a mother so badly in the first place?
Society puts a lot of pressure on women to become mothers. From the time we are little girls, we’re given baby dolls to play with, and taught how to babysit. We’re also taught that girls are more nurturing naturally, and that we should want children.
But, to be honest – I wish we would normalize that being a mother is too much for some women.
So, is being a mom worth it or not?
I would say it depends. Looking back with the hindsight of 16 years of parenting under my belt, I can say that yes – it’s been worth it for me. Are there things I wish I would have done differently? Hell, yes.
Did I make mistakes? Also yes.
Do I sometimes think maybe my kids would be better off with a different mother? Um, yes.
In fact, there have been times that I have been afraid that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother because it is so damn hard.
Have I also thought to myself, “Being a mom is too much for me.” YES. Of course, I have.
But, the reality is, only YOU know if you are willing to become a mom, and do all that it takes to be a decent one. Because anyone can have a child, but being a mom, or mommy is totally different than just having the baby.
Being a mom requires lots of sacrifice, and sometimes that can seem like too much.
You may have enough thought to yourself that you hate being a mom. That’s a scary feeling to have. But, it can also be totally normal.
When you become a mom, you have to sacrifice so much. You give up sleep, personal space, time, your body as it was, career goals, and the list can go on and on.
When you give up so much of yourself, it can totally make you feel like you hate being a mom.
So, what should you do if you think to yourself, “I hate being a mom.”?
Because, let’s be real, if being a mom feels like too much for you, you’re going to hate it. That’s just reality. The cold hard truth is that once you become a mom, you can’t give them back. motherhood just doesn’t work that way.
And, most moms would never do that anyway.
So, if you feel like you hate being a mom, the first step is probably to tell someone that you’re struggling. Feelings like this can be common in the newborn stage. It could be a result of postpartum depression, or anxiety.
These feelings could be the result of a lack of help from your partner.
You could also feel like you hate being a mom simply because you’re not taking time for yourself, or you aren’t practicing enough, or the right kind, of self care.
Asking yourself what you hate about being a mom could help you figure out what changes you need to make.
I went into motherhood thinking that being just a mom was enough. Because, I thought it would fulfill me in all the ways society convinced me that it would.
I thought making meals for them would be fun, and that I was for sure going to be the fun mom. I’d also never tire of their requests for more stories at bedtime, and I knew that I would never think that being a mom is too much for me.
But, it turns out, I’m the mom that hates cooking, hates playing make believe, and felt immense amounts of guilt about whether or not I was enjoying motherhood enough.
I realized at some point that I didn’t hate being a mom, I hated trying to be the mom that I thought I would be.
If being a mom is too much, maybe it’s as simple as adjusting your expectations of that you thought motherhood would be. I realized that being just a mom wasn’t enough for me. I started some hobbies. But, even that didn’t feel like enough.
I realized I wanted to be more than just a mom. I wanted to work. So, I started writing, and that quickly became something fulfilling and meaningful to me. It’s grown into publishing my own book, and owning multiple websites that bring in money. I became a business owner, and loved it.
By having something that was just mine outside of motherhood, I realized that I could enjoy being a mom when I did focus on that.
I still didn’t love playing make believe though.
If being a mom is too much – it’s possible that you’re just in a hard stage of motherhood.
Maybe you’d in a stage that isn’t a good fit for your personality. That’s OK.
Some moms love the newborn stage, and other mothers hate it. Some love the years of preschoolers. Other moms dread the baby talk and mundane tasks that make up new motherhood.
All of this is normal.
Finding the stage of motherhood that you do enjoy might surprise you, and it might come later on.
I’m finding that I love having teenagers way more than I thought I would. I don’t love the big kid problems, but I do love playing card games, having real conversations about important topics, and I absolutely love teasing them.
So, it’s possible that being a mom isn’t too much for you, it’s just too much for you right now.
Perhaps, you even hate being a mom so much that you want to leave. What should you do?
Again, I would say – you need to tell someone. Start with your partner or a close trusted friend. Tell your doctor if you’re brand new to motherhood.
Running away from motherhood sounds dreamy to all women some days. But, if you’re having thoughts of leaving your children, or leaving this earth, you should seek help immediately. It now only takes three digits to reach the national suicide hotline – dialing 988. Don’t be ashamed to seek help if you’re feeling this way.
The work of a mother is tiring, overwhelming, and thankless most days.
Even our partners often don’t understand the complex feelings that motherhood can bring.
But, seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of. Feeling like being a mom is too much is also nothing to be ashamed of either.
Thankfully, we live in a world now where mental health issues are becoming more and more de-stigmatized and we can talk more openly about depression and anxiety.
Mothers need a support system when they are raising kids, so my biggest piece of advice if you feel like you should leave is first, to tell someone, and second ask for help.
I have heard from many mothers over the years that are disappointed with the reality of modern motherhood.
Some women even have regrets about having children at all.
This is also normal. If I can emphasize anything it’s that all of these feelings are totally normal.
There is so much beauty to be found in motherhood, but I would say that it’s not something that just comes naturally to all women.
Motherhood is not something all women should do.
It’s not something women can do alone well.
Being a mom can feel like too much. And, that’s 100% normal.
But, there are millions of women out there that get it. You’re not alone in your feelings.
And knowing that you’re not the only one that has said to herself, “being a mom is too much for me” is enough to at least bring a little comfort.
Because knowing you’re not alone is half the battle when you’re struggling with something hard.
And, motherhood falls into that category of the hardest damn job on earth. But, you’re doing it. Even if it feels like too much.
And that’s what being a mother is all about.
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