I Live in Utah. And, I Don’t Want to Learn to Ski. Ever.

So, it may come as a shock to most of you that I don’t know how to ski. Actually, most of you probably have never worried about my skiing capabilities. But, growing up in Texas, there was not a lot of skiing happening. Except the one time.

Let me take you back.

I was about 16. I think I was a junior in high school. And, the band (yes, I’m a band geek…I promise band was cool not that bad in Texas) had an annual drive in a giant bus to Colorado ski trip. There was a band contest in there somewhere, although I don’t remember that part of the trip. All I remember was that the year before “all my friends” got to go on this trip, and I didn’t. So, I was determined to go skiing my junior year.

I don’t remember much except that it was pretty much NOT FUN.

Here’s how it went down. We got there, took a 5 minute ski school lesson and got on the ski lift. Like, seriously. It was about 5 minutes of them showing me how to do the pizza and then they put me on a giant contraption lifting me in the air to go down a huge mountain. This was back in the day when I was a teenager and thought I could do anything. My almost 36 year old self would never do such a thing. But, back then, I felt invincible.

Since “all of my friends” had been on this trip the year before, they were “experts”. Not really, but I felt like the only one who didn’t get it. I was scared. I was cold. I was scared. And, did I want to straighten my skis out so I would go a little faster? Umm. No, Thank You. So, here’s what happened next.

My ski instructor got pissed. Because I guess I was taking up too much of his precious time. So, he told me and I quote, “You just can’t do this. I’m going to call someone to come pick you up.” Yep. True story. I felt my eyes start to sting. I didn’t want to cry. But, of course, I did. Because I’m a crier. Soon enough, a guy on a snowmobile picked me up, drove me UP the mountain to ride the ski lift DOWN. Ummm. The only people that ride ski lifts down are losers. Or, they are seriously injured. I will never forget the looks I got from people going up. I was humiliated. And, where were my friends? Oh they had left me as soon as that jerk said someone was coming to pick me up. I’m sure they gave me comforting words and said, “Don’t worry you’ll get it” or something nice like that, but I don’t remember any of that. I just remember thinking, “This sucks. Why did I come here? This is what I raised x number of dollars to come do? and I’m. A. Loser.” The next day, some FRESHMAN took me under their wing (also not cool) and I did manage to ski some green slopes with them. But, I don’t remember ever straightening those skis out, or wanting to. That was my first experience with skiing. I found these pictures in my scrapbook from high school. Notice how I am not skiing in a single picture.

And, I especially love this one. Is that a hot pink fanny pack peeking out under my hideous coat? And, I really love the reflective sun glasses/head band look. And the turtle neck makes it perfection. Gotta love the 90’s.

Fast forward to say 2001 or so. I have a bad memory, but my husband and I were dating. He is a skier. One of those, I have been skiing since birth kind of kids. One of those, I worked at a ski resort growing up. One of those, I sleep in snow caves, kind. And, he had full confidence that he could teach me how to ski.

I warned him.

I begged him not to take me. I told him it was a mistake. I told him about the above mentioned experience. I said I would never learn. But, he was in love with a girl from Texas who did not know how to ski. So, of course, he was determined.

We went. I skied. I snow plowed the whole way down. I hurt and limped for a few days after. I never straightened my skis out. I probably frustrated the hell out of him. But, I went. And, I later told him, “Skiing can just be the thing that you do with our kids. Really. I’m OK with that”.  And, I am.

I think it does make him sad that I don’t want to learn. This is why we compromised with snow shoeing. So much more up my alley. So much less speed and risk involved. But, I just don’t have the desire ski. Especially now. And, today, he is skiing as we speak with our first born. Her first time skiing.

And this girl has no fear. I have no doubt that she will love it. She said to me this morning, “Mommy, even though it’s my first time skiing, I’m not scared at all” You go girl.

And, it works out nicely. The boys and I get a quiet afternoon at home. They nap, and I get to do whatever I want. I’m OK with this. I promise. Not everything has to be a family activity. And, I think it’s good that the kids have something they get to do with Dad. Maybe one day we can buy a condo at a ski resort when we magically get rich and then I can just sit in our cozy condo sipping hot chocolate by the fire and reading a book. In a perfect world…

And, on a side note, I have set up a FB page for my blog. I will soon have a nifty follow button on my blog when it gets its new look. But, if you’d like to like me on fb. Please do. www.facebook.com/perfectionpending