Yesterday, I went to the park with the boys. The girl (and yes, we call her that often) was at ballet. We had an hour and 15 minutes to kill. The weather was perfection, so we hit a park not any where close to our own stomping grounds.
I pull up in the parking lot and notice a mom pack (what I like to call moms that meet in groups of 3 or more) sitting on blankets on the ground. I groaned out loud. Kyle said, “What?” I said, “Nothing.” No sense explaining Mom culture to a 4-year old.
But, I groaned for two reasons.
First, Mom packs are always dressed cuter than me. Have you noticed this? When groups of moms get together, then they are always over-dressed for the park. I’m guilty of doing this myself. Now, if I’m meeting one person at the park, it can go either way. But, a mom pack? I would dress cuter. By cuter I mean, their hair was fixed, cute shoes that were way inappropriate for chasing young child around the park, outfits they probably put together from a pinterest tutorial, and designer sunglasses. I instantly feel inferior in my flip flops, jeans, t-shirt, pony tail, and no make-up whatsoever.
The other reason I hate mom packs (even though I have participated in them) is because they ignore their children. Have you noticed this? They start to gab and ignore the fact that their child is hogging the slide, calling other kids stupid, or the worst: Hitting. Oblivious moms at the park are my worst nightmare.
I told myself I wouldn’t let the mom pack bug me. I confidently walked to the opposite side of the park, and let the boys run. But, then I started to feel bad. Why was I being so judgmental of these moms? They were moms just like me. They probably just wanted some socialization. Cut them a break, Meredith.
Then, the typical mom pack behavior started. I saw a little girl about 4 years old over by the bathroom screaming, “Mooom!” No one was coming. She was doing the dance. “Mooom!!” Finally a mom from the mom pack sprung into action. She raced over, pulled her girl’s pants down and sat her down in the cold, wet grass (the snow has just barely melted people) and I guess let her pee. Let’s hope nothing else was going on there. I didn’t walk over to look. Although I was tempted. Who knows, maybe the bathroom was locked? Maybe she just lets her kid pee in the grass at home? I don’t know. But, she sure did get back to her mom pack quickly.
Then, the hogging of the slide started. No mom intervened even though I said as loudly as possible, “Can he please have a turn?”
Then, the “Do you want to be in my club?” question was posed to Kyle. Why are girls so obsessed with clubs? He responded, “No. I want to start my own club” Which surprised me. Didn’t know he had that in him. But, then he reluctantly joined when he heard they were going to be looking for snakes and frogs. I guess that isn’t what he expected when a girl asked him to join her club.
I don’t know. The experience was fine. My kids had fun. No one was harmed. Chandler loved carrying a stick around and hitting rocks and grass with it. So, it was a good day. But, I just couldn’t stop wondering why I was being so judgmental.
Soon the mom pack broke up. And, one lone mom was left. She sat by herself, looking just as lonely as me. Her attention was finally where it should be. On her kids. I thought to myself, “Maybe she just needed some support today.” and “Maybe she is going through a rough time, and finally got a day to get out of the house and talk to some other moms.” and “What is your problem, Meredith?” After all, I was the one being bratty. Even if it was just in my own head.
Why are we so prone to be judgmental when we become Moms? I realized from this experience that I’m maturing a little. My insecurities are still there, but I don’t care as much. And, when I see my own judgy-self rearing her ugly head, I quieted her down.
The older I get, and the longer I’m a Mom, I am starting to realize that there is no need to judge each other. Some of us may dress cuter. That doesn’t mean that they are a better or worse mom than me. Maybe they were judging me. But, I don’t care. Because, I’m trying hard not to judge them. And, that’s all that matters.
I have done all of those things. Over dressed for play dates, groaned at the sight of play groups, judged other moms, and wished to be a part of a mom group 🙁 I gave up on all of it cause it’s too much work. LOL
We should all give up on all of it huh? 🙂 don’t worry, you’re not alone. 😉
You are right to judge those women. We encountered a pack the other day and they had their too heavy for the weather designer coats all over the rock climbing apparatus and my 3 year old was like “uh, can I climb on this rock, there’s coats all over it?” The pack of heifers was leaning against the rock, so they heard him. I told him to go ahead and climb it, it’s made for climbing, it’s not a coat rack. Still no reaction. So I walked over and picked one of the coats up right in front of them and said “did one of you lose this coat?” I can’t remember the blonde gal who played the sorority girl on SNL, but that’s the face I got. Lol, “Whatever!” the blonde said. I just said thank you and picked Cdawg up and put him on top of the other coats. They grabbed them and went and sat at the picnic tables where they belong. They were talking about spending so much money on vacations and finishing their basements and how their husbands were always working working working and they never have time to get out. Uh, you’re out now bitches!??? This is your job??!
Sorry, I was actually going to write a whole post about this on my page, but I guess I’ll do it on yours instead! Lol.
Lol! Well you’re a man so I think it’s easier for you to react that way. If another mom put her kid on top of those coats there would definitely be a worse reaction. Those women probably talked about you for a minute and then moved on. For a woman to do that they would probably talk about it for years!! And when we travel in packs it gives us ownership over the world. At least we think it does!
I have a theory. I have no idea how correct it is, but that’s neither here nor there. My theory is that we judge other parents because we’re all secretly freaked out about our own abilities as parents. So sometimes it’s easier to look at others, see what they’re doing ‘wrong’, and think, “Hmm…well, at least I’m not doing THAT.” I feel like it lessens as our kids grow and we gain more confidence in ourselves as parents. But don’t feel bad. It happens. Plus, who lets their kid pee in the grass? Wtf? lol
I know right?? I mean a boy I can understand but sitting your girl down in the grass is weird. I think you’re right about how we get older and have more confidence. That’s what I have found with myself anyway. But I’m still prone to do it and need to stop it!!
I feel that my kid’s too young to have had many of these problems, though I do get annoyed at the little play area in the mall, when 9-10 year old kids are running around the babies and playing tag. It’s like, WTF, go shop at Zumiez or something kids, you’re practically teenagers.
What I think is hard, is that being a mom feels so isolating and we want company and friendship and five freaking minutes where we don’t have to say ‘stop putting dirt in your mouth’ and all of those annoying mindless things that cause our otherwise high functioning brains go to mush.
Reblogged this on Event Planning Mommy.
Funny post! I’m already dreading the mom packs at the pool who take the best shaded lawn chairs and let their kids have a treat every 30 mins so my kids think I am depriving them. Maybe I should let the snowstorms subside before getting snarky but I totally hear you!
Ha!! Too funny!
I love it….mom packs. And even the little girl wanted to start a “club”. Must be a girl thing to really want to team up with others. I too watch all of my judgments come and go. I think it’s pretty natural. I feel like even as a Mommy blogger, there are some clubs out there……has anyone else noticed that, or am I being judgmental and paranoid?
Not judgmental and paranoid! If it makes you feel better I’m basically never in the club. I think we all get a little judgey sometimes. It can be hard to keep it in check. I really only get that way like when my neighbors 2 year old is running around in a diaper and it’s 42 degrees. 90? Yes. 40? NO!
Meredith– I know exactly the well dressed women you speak of! I’m a jeans and flip flops girl myself and I’m pretty sure I don’t actually know how to pull it together like the packs do. Slide etiquette– if the parent isn’t paying attention I have no problem telling someone else’s kid what to do. I’m not a jerk about it. I just talk to them like I talk to my own kids. It takes a village, man.
Great post!
I get dressed up for church and maybe a rare girls night with a friend. And by dressed up i mean a nicer t-shirt and maybe a necklace. Other than that? Not really!!
Yes. It is definitely a girl thing which started for my girl the moment she entered kindergarten. We have already had several talks about including others and not saying my Best friend in front of other kids, clubs at playground, etc etc it starts early!
And yes even the blogging world has clubs. It’s hard not to fight the battles between wanting to join and trying to make it on your own and be proud you did all the work yourself.
Ugh, the very words ‘mom pack’ make me a bit woozy. And there is always one on the days where making sure my clothes aren’t backwards or inside out is my definition of ‘getting dressed up’.
Ha! I know right?
Ha! Truth.
I had a visceral reaction to this post when I first started reading it. I did think, “Is this ME she’s judging?” But then you really did explain how we all sit on both sides of tlhis fence at some point as moms, so thank you. When I first had my baby, I was new in town, had zero friends, lived five miles from the city (isolation during a Wisconsin winter with a baby = The Shining!), and was so lonely, unkempt, and tired. Over time, I made friends with other moms but never with a whole pack at once. I made friends with pack moms when they were in the situation like you describe with the one mom left behind that day — away from her pack. And eventually I found a few that I’ve become really close with. We do a lot together with our kids. Our kids are friends now. I consider more my tribe than my pack, because we have a lot in common and can depend on each other for help. And we do talk about our vacations, our husbands finishing the basements, etc. Sometimes one or more of us is overdressed, whether it’s because she was feeling blue that morning and just felt like fixing her hair and putting on some makeup would make her feel less frumpy (guilty) or because she just came from a meeting from her part-time job (also guilty). Just as often, there is the distinct stench of B.O. and the familiar ratty ponytails of tired moms. When my daughter was really little, I let her pee in the grass on a million occasions. (We’re frequent backpackers/campers, so it just never seemed weird to me.) I kind of think that as women, when we’re away from our own packs, we’re inclined to feel insecure, left out, judgemental around packs of other women even when they’re minding their own business. I know I’ve felt it many times, but somehow it was rattling for me to read a post where I realized that someone else might be looking at *me* that way. It’s always nice to read a blog that really makes me think. I’m sure there are some not-so-nice packs, and that the gut feeling of revulsion is accurate some of the time. But as I’m glad you realized while pondering this experience, I do think we’re sometimes just really feeling something animal that comes with being the fairer sex. Is it in our DNA or something?
Thanks for your perspective. I loved it! The truth is you are really lucky to have found a great group of women that support each other. Every mom wants that! Don’t we? It takes a long time to find that! But it does seem we all get a little more catty when we are in groups! It must be part of our DNA. And I am definitely no camper! 🙂
Ha! One of my friends’ preschoolers got a police citation from the city–not the mom, but the child!–for peeing in a bush at a park. There are definitely some varied views on public peeing!. 🙂
Mom packs…I always don’t know whether to be envious or pity them. You’re right…the fun of taking your child to the park is playing with them and they never do THAT. But to have that many moms to hang with? Yeah, I’m a little jealous. Just a bit. 😉
And the dressing up?! Why? Why would they even do that? How can they rescue their child from the top of the slide in shiny ballet flats? I’m a sneakers mom all the way and proud. Because dressing to impress toddlers just seems so ridiculous that there are no words! 🙂
Mom-packs! LOL
I have been guilty of meeting my Mom-pack and you’re absolutely right, you don’t take much notice of your children when deep in conversation about bikini waxes, meatball recipes and tantrums.
But I couldn’t live without those crazy days with lots of kids and lots of gossip. But I often drive home feeling guilty…
Yet I recall some of my favourite days as a child were the days when big groups of families would meet up, the mums were more relaxed and the children got to run free.
This weekend I went alone with my children to the park and it was so special. We hunted for ducks, fished for tadpoles and swung in the monkey tree. It was bliss, absolute bliss.
I guess it’s all about finding the balance… let me know if you do! 🙂
That’s what we’re all striving to do right? Find the balance.