Before We Had Kids: The Man of My Dreams (Part II to the Handwritten Notes)

Last night, my husband and I had a little chat. When you’ve been married 10 years, you can have conversations like this:

JD: So, I read your blog post about what a dead beat boyfriend I was.

M: What!? That’s not how I meant it! Did it make you feel bad?

JD: No. It’s fine.

M: C’mon. Tell me! Did it make you feel bad? I mean, I told the truth. Be a man and own up to your feelings!!

JD: “Be a man” and feelings automatically don’t go together.

M: I mean, I just told it like it was. (feeling more and more bad by the second) I mean, what kind of guy asks a girl out on her first date with a note???

JD: The man of your dreams, apparently.

He has a point.

I do feel bad that I led those of you to believe that my husband was a loser. Because he is obviously a man I love, and in my mind is far from being a loser. After all, I married him. And, with crazy clarity, I woke up and remembered where the original note was. As promised, here it is verbatim:

Meridith, (he spelled my name wrong, but so do most people)

I came by but all of the lights were out-so I figured you’re not home yet.

Do you like jazz music? I hear there’s a concert tomorrow night, and I think it would be fun to take you to. If you don’t like jazz I hear there’s something else going on that would be fun too.

It’s about 2:30 (am) right now and I’ll be up for another hour or so, so call me when you get home.

See you’s later,

JD

PS Do you have any carpet cleaner?

So there you have it. I was pretty close except, for the PS part. I remember he later told me why he was asking me for carpet cleaner (because of course I had to know!) and it was because on his way over to leave the note, he had spilled a giant 32 oz fruit punch gatorade in his car.

But, I did leave out parts of the story that I didn’t know at the time he left that note on my doorstep. On the surface, it would be easy to judge a guy that has no job, lives at home, and is not in school at 23 years old. Easy. But, luckily, I called him and got the real story on our first date.

He was his Mom’s care-taker at the time I met him. She had a stroke a few years before and was wheel-chair bound. He spent his time taking care of her, and taking her to and from therapy several times a week. You see, he was the man of my dreams.

I remember when he told me about her, it just all made sense. He made some major life decisions around the time that she had her stroke that someone might really question. But, luckily, he made the right ones. Because he was the one who found her when she had her stroke. She was not a candidate for a stroke. Just 50 years old at the time. Thin, seemingly healthy (although later diagnosed with Lupus..the cause of the stroke), and not a smoker. No one saw it coming. If he hadn’t of been there when she collapsed and found her, she may not have lived. He told me about how he felt it was important for him to be home and help out, and put his life on hold after she came home from the hospital. I realized that he was making a huge sacrifice in his own life because he loved his Mom. And, after I met her, I realized what a special person she was, and what a special bond the two of them had together. I also realized that he was a person that listened to the Spirit (Mormon lingo for listening to God’s promptings) and made decisions even though he didn’t quite understand them at the time, but was able to see later that they were the right choice. He had faith. He was a good guy. And, yes, I guess he was the guy of my dreams after all, now wasn’t he?

She passed away almost 4 years ago next month. I know he misses her. And, I know he made the right decision at the time to be home with her. And, thank goodness, I didn’t judge him too much and not call him back after he left that note on my doorstep! I would have missed out on marrying a great man. He knows how to love. He knows how to be an incredible father. He works so incredibly hard for all of us. It’s true what they say. Watch how a man treats his mother. And, he sacrificed a lot for her in those first couple of years after her stroke.

I remember some arguments we had when we were dating. He felt torn all the time. Someone had to fill in when his Dad couldn’t. And, he felt it was his job. It was, but at times, I questioned whether I could marry a guy that was so devoted. I worried I would take a back seat. Thank goodness I listened to God telling me over and over that it would be OK. And, it was. And, I didn’t have to take a backseat. Claudia welcomed me with open arms. And, looking back, what precious time that was that we had with her. She started going downhill again shortly after our wedding. Luckily, she got to see Avery, and spend some time with her. I’m sad though that my kids won’t know her growing up.

But, we believe she had a very special moment with Kyle after she died.

There is always more to the story isn’t there? And, I’m grateful for my love story. Because, I married an amazing man. Even though he started out leaving a note on my doorstep. It was a note that would change our lives forever. And he most definitely is the man of my dreams.