I’m NOT a Hoarder….

EXCEPT when it comes to my diaper bag.

So, Alicia’s post today inspired this one. She shared what was in her purse, it made me a little jealous. It just seems so grown-up. Her kids are older, so it makes sense. But still. I have purse envy.

The other day, I was watching the Today show at 1pm while I was eating my lunch (I record the news and watch it later. Weird, I know). Since Matt Lauer is a certified germaphobe like myself, I love/hate the frequency with which they do stories on some sort of germ related issue. I swear, it’s like weekly. Anyway, they were talking about how dirty purses are. Yes. They are dirtier than toilets, people. And, with guilt, I hung my head with shame and thought to myself about the current contents of the diaper bag. I knew without looking that it was disgusting. You see, I am not a hoarder by any means, but I HATE to clean out my diaper bag, which for anyone else that has 3+ kids knows how it quickly it isn’t really my bag per se, but THEIR bag. For example:

“Mommy, I don’t want my gum anymore” (5 seconds after putting it in)

“Mommy, I don’t want my hair in a pony tail anymore, here.” (handing me bows and hair ties)

“Mommy, take my dirty kleenex”

“Mommy, here’s my toy” (that I insisted I HAD to take with me to the store because I swear I will carry it and not ask you to)

“Mommy, I had an accident” (what do YOU do with that dirty underwear?)

Nope. I don’t have a big girl purse. I have a giant purse for 3 kids. I just carry it.

So, the truth is, I don’t clean it out often. And, I certainly am not cleaning the handles (which a third of most handles of purses/bags have fecal matter on them…eww.) like I should be. So, today, I thought I would take a peek at what is really in my bag right now.

 

Ummm. Yeah. That’s a lot of crap. Let’s examine this just for a moment.

Water bottle

Trash. That’s a given. And that’s the pile to the left there.

Diapering supplies- diapers, wipes, and pee pee bags (I’m only down to one. These are an absolute must. I use them as trash bags, and for banana peels, and soiled underwear, etc. They are just dog poo bags, but they work. Gloriously.)

My wallet

3 pairs of sunglasses (really? Three?)

Toys and other entertainment objects including: fake phone, halloween pencil, crayons, santa sticker, plastic frog and dog, littlest pet shop house, toy cars (have you seen one fine day? Yep. That’s me), super grover 3.0, 2 red pouches (you never know when you need a small velcro pouch to put stuff in).

2 hand sanitizer bottles, antibac wipes, and 2 sanitizing wipes. Ahem. Germaphobe much?

Lotion to put on hands after using above items.

sunscreen and white hat

white ribbon with hair tie

empty spray bottle (total necessity, right?).

Actually, I was very surprised that there wasn’t more food found in my diaper bag today. I guess it’s because the empty ziploc bag in the background there once had some pretzels in it that someone devoured (not me).

Are you as exhausted just looking at that as I am? Well, if so, I have a story for you.

On Monday, I took my 3 kids to the grocery store for the grocery shopping trip of the week. I usually do this when 2 of the 3 are in school. So, I was already dreading it. Not to mention the fact that they didn’t go to bed until 10 pm the previous night which is very unlike our normal routine. So, the morning wasn’t going that great to begin with. Everyone was “hurting everyone else’s feelings” and crying at the drop of a hat. So, I was real excited for this trip.

We survived with only 10 threats of time-out, and punishment in some form or another for making the grocery store their personal playground, and by the time we got in line, Chandler was in the car of the cart (I HATE those things) screaming his little head off. I ignore the screaming like any good mother would do and quickly unload all my groceries onto the belt while my big kids are “helping”. Everything is rung up, and I dig around in my monster of a diaper bag. And, I dig. And, I dig. And, there is no wallet. Lovely.

“Crap!” I said a little too loudly startling the checker. “What’s wrong!?” she asked, worried. “Oh, I just left my wallet in the car”. She said, she would save my order, and I could run and get it and it would be super quick to ring me up again. I hurried out to the car with three kids in tow (one of which was screaming) and searched the car frantically. Nothing.

At this point, I’m ready to scream. I hurry back through the parking lot pushing the monstrosity of a shopping cart with a screaming baby in it and tell the checker it must be at home. I ignored the scene I was inevitably causing, and swore I would be back in 15 minutes. Back out in the parking lot, kids thrown in the car quickly, and I race home. The wallet was sitting on my piano. I grab it, and get back in the car. Chandler quickly realizes he is not getting out for lunch and a nap, but is instead headed back to the store. This would put anyone in a rage. Poor baby. My kids were thoroughly confused so I had to explain it all to them which was equally as exhausting. Finally, I got my groceries and I headed straight to get my favorite Diet Coke beverage treat.

When I got back home, I texted my husband a shortened version of the story. His response? “What’s the deal with you and your wallet lately?”

I think this post will answer that question my darling. When you carry around this much stuff in  your bag on a regular basis, and you need to go somewhere alone on a rare occasion, you better believe I’m taking my wallet OUT of my bag and just carrying that. Which, in turn might mean I forget to put it back in all too often.

After writing this post, I know this. I need a nap just reliving that experience via this post. Too bad Chandler has also decided it’s time to get up. Perfect.

And if you’re worried, Yes, I will be sanitizing my dining room table that I set my bag and all of its contents on.