A Guide To Buying Used Furniture Online

I have been obsessing over furniture lately.

You see, our big, comfy, super old couch for our basement wouldn’t fit in our basement anymore, and frankly, our basement is about 1/2 the size of our last basement, so we are trying to figure out how to make it all work. Last night, I dreamt about re-arranging furniture.

One of the great things I love about Utah is this awesome website, ksl.com. Picture craigslist. But, better. I love it. And, I’ve purchased and sold many things via this website. In fact, I have a few things listed right now, and have made money selling all kinds of stuff.

But, my problem is that I like unique furniture. I don’t want a generic tan sofa from your typical furniture store. I want something that has personality. So, often times, this leads to a LOT of hunting.

Like, when we moved into our last house, I wanted a couch and chair that were orange and green. Something different. And, I found it. It took time, and lots and lots of searching, but ultimately, when I saw it, I knew it was what I wanted. And, I still love it to this day. Although, they definitely don’t look this nice anymore 3 years later.

Now, I have a space in my dining room that I can’t quite figure out what to do with it. It’s small, and it is going to be where kids watch TV in the morning while Mom and Dad wait until it’s a sane hour to get out of bed, so we need something for them to be comfy on long enough that fights don’t break out like, “Mom! His toe is touching me”. Because that is not what I want to hear first thing in the morning.

Here’s the space as it is currently (picturing the ottoman from my orange chair that is in the living room)

It’s a small space, but next to those big windows that look out into the backyard, it has potential. The problem is, that I can’t find anything that looks cute, small enough, and has a little character to it too.

In my relentless search for the perfect thing, I have realized that people selling their stuff on the internet are delusional. Like, why would I buy this futon from you with all those creepy dolls hanging over it? I’d be afraid you’d murder me when I came to look at it. Is anyone else creeped out by hoarders of dolls?

Or this guy who’s post read:
“Got a couple friends over and you’ve all been drinking too much? Well, i’ve got what you need. This sweet futon frame folds down into a bed so you can have a rad sleepover and wake up with and equally rad hangover, so your friends don’t get an un-rad DUI on their drive home.”

Ummm. No thanks. I can picture what has happened on THAT futon, and I think I’ll pass.

And, I’ve realized that people use key words that tell you the real truth about what is going on with their old crappy piece of furniture. Here’s my list to help you break the code:

Comfy: Old and worn, saggy, and probably smells weird.

Retro: Ugly, most likely with some serious damage.

Has Potential: I was too lazy to take it to the dumpster.

Brand New: It wouldn’t fit in my house because I don’t like to measure things first.

Unique: Weird.

Cute: Out of style.

Sturdy: Heavy.

Vintage: This could mean ANYTHING. As noted by this picture I found today on an ad:

I almost bought that exact canvas picture for my kitchen. Last week. At IKEA.

Shabby Chic: Is this style even still in? This most likely means looks like someone did a bad paint job.

Fun and Funky: This usually means white trash, or hippie. Take for example this “fun and funky loveseat” I found today. Ummm. I’m sorry that looks like a seat from a 1985 Ford Aerostar minivan. Looks like you keep your fun and funky loveseat on the front porch. FUN!!

Like New/High End/High Quality/Custom/Elegant/Stylish/Designer: Means “we think our crap is worth more than the average person’s crap”, or “we paid too much and now we want you to pay too much too.”

Has small stain: This is usually followed by something like, “Could be covered up easily with a pillow or throw”, but what it really means is, “my cat peed on it” or “My kid puked on this couch, and I couldn’t get it out all the way”. To prove my point, I saw this today:  “Love seat. The arms are ripped (you would need to put a blanket over them to cover the rip) but otherwise in decent condition. $10” Of course there was no picture.

And frankly, I’m amazed at how many pieces of furniture were “hardly ever used”. Yeah right.

You have to hand it to people though. It must work, because I’ve been amazed at what I have sold also. But, I at least feel like I’m pretty honest about it.

Why do I do this to myself you ask? I’m not sure. But, you have to admit, there is entertainment value in looking at other people’s stuff, and how they want to spin it.

Any ideas on what I should put in this awesome space in my house? I found this the other day, and it is what I really want….but alas…it is too big. She’s been using it as a photography prop, and it’s $400. I want.

Erica Kirby Photography

Any ideas for me? The hunt is on.