Life & Style with Kids

I’ve been in a writing stupor lately. I sit down to do it, and spend my time on the computer “researching” other things like how to grout a perfect straight line, or how to make Lorax trees from pom poms and pool noodles. Important stuff, you see.

Things have been going along great over here. I mean, aside from the fiasco of the missing ring, and a little cold the boys have had this week (which has contributed to my stupor…it’s hard to think straight after being woken up 5 times in a night), life is good. 

I have felt more patient than ever before.

I’ve been getting more sleep than ever before.

And, I’ve been enjoying just being with my kids more than ever before.

So, I have also been feeling more positive than ever before.

But, life is not perfect by any means.

It’s funny. I popped over to HuffPost parents yesterday during nap time my mommy time and found something that struck me as quite amusing.  I was on the front page, scanning for the parenting section, I realized they must have mis-placed it. Because, the parenting section was under Life & Style on their main page. Two things that this parent has neither one of right now.

Life & Style. Hmmm. Right now, my current reminder that I have no style is because fall is upon us. I scan Pinterest (the authority on “research” these days) and realize I will never have the “perfect fall outfit”. No, they aren’t all the same outfit, but they basically are.  My “research” has led me to believe that the “perfect fall outfit” consists of skinny jeans, some sort of oversized sweater/cardigan, paired with a cute button up and coordinating scarf, and topped off with a pair of knee high brown boots. The problem? Well, let’s start with the skinny jeans. When you’re 5’4, and have a little extra around the boo-tay (or bum as it is affectionately called in our house) then, skinny jeans are not the most flattering look. And, those cute knee high boots? This girl has calves that are slightly less than skinny, and I’m afraid those boots will be forever out of my reach. And, don’t try to encourage me with the wide legged option. It just doesn’t feel cute to be accentuating anything wide. Maybe style and I can see eye to eye come Spring when I can break out the sandals again.

As for the life? Well, sure, technically I am a breathing human, so I have life, but my children are still working out their immune systems. And, the cold weather is upon us. You do the math. What? Your kids never get sick? I guess your kids have antibacterial immune systems naturally, but mine don’t.

But, illness aside, let’s just take our recent trip out to eat. This just solidified in my mind how the life my husband and I once knew is gone for now. I know it’s fleeting, they grow up way too fast, and I should really stop and enjoy every second, but sometimes, you just want to eat hot food, you know?

We typically grab food out on Saturdays for lunch. This is because we are usually busy running errands, or working in the yard, and it is our one meal a week that we go out to eat. So, a couple of Saturdays ago, I asked my husband where he wanted to go. The usual kid-friendly (aka-quick) spots were all sounding a little repetitive. You can only eat Blimpie so many times….so I said, “Well, I’ve been wanting to try a few new spots I’ve noticed, but they are all restaurants that require servers”. To my surprise (he must have been in a REALLY good mood) he said, “Let’s try it”.

So, we went to this tiny local place that served kale chips and quinoa, which is right up his alley, so I was feeling hopeful. That was until the waiter informed me that they don’t have fountain drinks. Wait. A. Minute. You mean I can’t order Diet Coke? He responded with something lame like it was a “healthy” food joint. He tried to ease the blow by telling me I could go over to the gas station next door and grab a big gulp and he wouldn’t judge. Nice, but I think I’ll pass.

I looked around and we were the only ones with kids in the entire place. It looked a little bit like this quirky place.

source

It wasn’t super fancy, but it had that “I’m too cool to eat at Blimpie” sort of vibe. They had veggie burgers and fruit juices. You know the place. No one gave us dirty looks for daring to have children, so we stayed put despite the fact that diet coke was not on the menu.

We managed to order food, and the bickering began.

“I want to sit on the booth”

“Me too”

“I don’t want water”

“He’s touching my napkin”

So, we do what any smart parents would do and broke out the toys for the baby and the iPhone for the older kids. We were prepared with a movie that they could watch (amazingly, kids can watch movies with practically no sound).

The baby played with his toys for about 2.5 seconds before he realized they were the same old crappy toys mom always has in her purse and threw them on the floor in defiance.

I offered to take him outside to run around until our food got there.

He was blissfully running up and down a wheelchair ramp (repeat 302 times), and was on his 303rd run when I glanced through the glass windows of the restaurant to see if our food was there. It wasn’t. I instantly realized there was a problem when I could see the 7 year old crying. Not good.

I pick up the baby who started screaming in protest (much to the displeasure of the childless eating on the patio) because he didn’t get to finish his 303rd run on the ramp, and went back inside. He saw that high chair and started bucking. My husband was holding the four year old and whispering to him in a voice that said, “this is your last chance kid”.

So, with 3 out of 3 kids rebelling against eating at a restaurant that required them to actually wait for food, I looked at my husband who had a look in his eyes that said, “I’m getting snipped tomorrow” and I said, “Should we get it to-go?” In a flash, he was in the car waiting for me, while I sat at a table with the 7 year old who finally got to hold the iPhone with both hands and was blissfully content. Our food came about 5 seconds later.

I looked at the delicious hot, albeit overpriced food and asked the server if we could box it all up. They were probably just as glad to see us go because they had that food boxed up in about 10 seconds flat. I did manage to grab a hot potato out of one of the boxes to quiet my growling tummy. We were definitely ruining the hippy, leisure Saturday afternoon meal ambience.

So, we got home and my kale chips suddenly tasted bitter and not nearly as good sitting in my own dining room. And, all three children were back to their normal, calm selves eating their pancakes with happiness.

And, that, my friends, is what I mean when I say I don’t have a life. At least not a life where you get to eat hot food.

So, HuffPost parents, perhaps a move is in order? Like maybe to the “It will get better one day” section or something.