Update 7/8/2015: Below is a post I wrote over a year ago after a sweaty, unpleasant night at a school carnival. It was meant to be light hearted and funny, and poke fun at MYSELF for complaining about a school event when I wasn’t up at the school helping and volunteering my own time. I highly respect the PTA at my kids’ school, the staff, and all parent volunteers. I also was in NO way disrespecting working parents. I’m one myself. Please be respectful and read the post in its entirety before jumping to conclusions. This “letter” was written to myself and no one else. Which, I think is obvious if you read the whole post. I hope you’ll stick around and realize I respect all parents, and hate the mommy wars with a passion. Thanks!
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I’m fully aware that I can be a grump sometimes. Especially when I get hot and sweaty and there are too many kids in my vicinity that don’t belong to me. Which pretty much makes the school carnival at my daughter’s school this past friday my worst nightmare.
There is something about 600 kids and their siblings running around a playground that just makes me want to curl up, close my eyes, and rock back and forth in a rhythmic motion. Unfortunately, that would end up being a little awkward and uncomfortable for the 200 parents that are also there miraculously enjoying the same event.
The thing is….it’s for a good cause, right? I mean, the money is the PTA fundraiser for the year. So, I’m one of those parents that doesn’t volunteer much. Or ever. So, I owe it to the school to pay a little something. I get that. But, can’t the PTA just send a note home that says something like this?
Text added to photo. photo credit: cindy47452 via photopin cc
Dear Parents,
We know you have a lot going on. How do we know? Probably because we haven’t seen you around much. Or ever. We get it, though. You’re busy. Especially because of that end of the year project that teachers threw on you at the last second. You know the one where you have to have your child dressed up as a famous person in history, full costume and memorize a speech? Oh, you forgot? Well, it’s due next week. My point is…we get it. You’re busy. Remember, our kids go here too? And, we’re the ones actually volunteering our time (no offense).
So, since we are the ones here at the school where you send your kids all day, and you’re at home doing whatever it is you do all day to avoid being here, we’d like to let you know that the PTA is pretty important. We do things like take care of the teachers, and make sure your kids don’t eat pink slime and stuff. But, the thing is, we don’t get paid. So, we need money.
So, we were thinking, let’s forgo the sweaty, end of the year party that gets our kids hyped up on cotton candy, snow cones, and bottle cap candies that we give out as prizes and just chill the heck out. I mean, we’re tired too. It’s the end of the year, and we just want to stop packing our kids lunches like the rest of the parents out there, much less plan an event. SO……Can you just give us $40 dollars to support our school? Thanks in advance. We know you understand.
Sincerely tired,
The PTA
I think I might even donate double what they were asking just for their honesty. And if I didn’t have to endure a school carnival ever again, I wouldn’t mind. I mean, my husband waited in the cotton candy line for one. solid. hour.
And, I only lost my five year old once.
And, my two year old only got his face stomped on the slide once.
So, maybe it wasn’t that bad.
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okay, this does NOT make me excited for the day my kids are old enough for school! (we start preschool this year with the oldest). I am like you and would MUCH rather just pay money to avoid any sort of fundraiser. so funny.
Well, it’s inevitable. I don’t like thinking about how many more of these types of events I have to endure.
So what’s stopping you from just writing the check? Take your kids somewhere you all enjoy but send a check of support to your kids’ PTO. Actions speak louder than words 🙂
Good idea! I don’t know how these working moms do it i know I couldn’t. I don’t see this article addressing the issue that many moms would like to volunteer but there careers and professionals don’t provide the time for pta meetings! Did I miss this? Victoria
Good idea! I don’t know how these working moms do it i know I couldn’t. I don’t see this article addressing the issue that many moms would like to volunteer but their careers and professions do not provide the time for pta meetings! Did I miss this? Victoria
We don’t have those kind of events in Croatia and on one hand I am a bit sorry that we don’t because maybe the schools would actually get a chance to get some things done. On the other hand, I have a crazy schedule as is so maybe that’s a good thing!
Yeah, it wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my Friday night. 🙂
First things first, I’ve gotta say that this post cracked me up. While I DO think that events like this should exist because they’re good for the kids as well as the program involved, I’m totally there with you on NOT WANTING TO BE THERE. My biggest problem? Other people’s kids. I’m just one of those people who nearly has an aneurism every time a kid does something that I deem to be bad behavior. Once, at playgroup, a little boy put his entire hand on my daughter’s face and shoved her out of the way of the slide, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to grab him by the back of the neck and spank the attitude right out of him, exactly the way I would do to my daughter if the roles were reversed.
*shudder* Other people’s kids….*shudder*
On a related note, it just so happens that I had a post scheduled for today called, “How Becoming Parents Turns Us Into Hypocrites”, so I shared it on the blog hop. I didn’t even know you had a blog hop until today, because I have a bad habit of mentally blocking out the stuff around the post. lol But I found it! And I’m in! 🙂
Yay! Glad you’re in!! Can’t wait to check out your post.
I’m with you on this one. Kudos to you PTA parents. Now, please just ask for money you want. I’m not even interested in spending a random girls night out, on a weeknight, where I”d have to dress vintage hollywood and watch a fashion show. Let me give you the admission price and save my babysitter money for next time!
Wait. Was that a thing? A girl’s night for the fundraiser? Dressing up?? Please tell me no.
No one said u can’t skip the event. And send them money. Being part of the Ptg board of my children’s school I see a lot of “why can’t you do this or that….” we can…..do u want to run it?? “Oh no I don’t have time.” So if u feel that way talk to your board ask if u can do that. You send out the letter saying if anyone doesn’t feel like going to this event but is willing to donate please send your money to this address. I’m sure your Ptg would love for u to do that. 🙂 no babysitter required 😉
Our PTO’s Box Top coordinator gave parents the option of sending cash for the kids to earn prizes during the last few months of the year. This let “Box Topped out” parents save money at the grocery store, especially with more than one kid in the school, still brought in a great deal of money, and kept kids from being left out of the prizes!
LOVE THIS!!!! I totally feel so guilty I don’t volunteer as much as I should- and I think about all those moms I see at the school CONSTANTLY there helping and organizing event after event!!
LOVE the letter- BRILLIANT.
And yeah- I’m doing a swim field trip tomorrow and signed up to volunteer for field day Thursday- dreading both. But it’s the ‘end of the year guilt trip’ I am trying to appease…
Wish I could send a check in instead. 😉
I’m sorry you have to volunteer, but it’s good karma right?
Ha ha! You know, our PTAs have actually tried those “Just send in $40” letters and they don’t get enough people doing that so they end up having other fundraisers. You can’t win if you’re the PTA I guess!
Hmmm. Darn. I had hopes a letter like this would work! I know it would work for me, but I guess some people like all the work? That’s the only explanation I can come up with. 🙂
I FEEL YOUR PAIN MEREDITH. EVEN THOUGH MY KIDS ARE GROWN–I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS. THE PROBLEM IS THAT PEOPLE WONT SEND MONEY. IF THEY WOULD, I BELIEVE THAT WOULD BE A GREAT SOLUTION. BUT THEY WON’T. SOME, LIKE YOU, WOULD. MOST WOULD NOT. ON ANOTHER NOTE, YOU’RE A TALENTED AND FUNNY WRITER. LET THE HATERS HATE AND TRY NOT TO LET IT GET YOU DOWN.
Thanks Margie!! xx
Meredith,
I’ve been the stay-at-home volunteering a ton at the school mom. I’m not a full time working mom with little time for volunteering. I miss those days and the kinship of our group of ever-present volunteers.
That said, my point is this – there are many parents who won’t respond to either type of fundraiser – the event or the request for money. And the request for money will almost certainly bring in the least amount of money. There are just too many parents who won’t even take the time to write a check Note: my kids go to private school. Some of the families are very wealthy. I observed that the majority of the families who didn’t bother to write a check had plenty of money so lack of funds is not the reason. Even follow-up phone calls didn’t work. Families come to these events (even unwillinglly) because their kids drag them there. That works better than having adults nag them for money.
I found this while looking for a way to raise money for our PTO this year without the stupid cookie dough sales and wrapping paper catalogs and such. They are AWFUL! The kids and their families spend THOUSANDS of dollars, and the PTO gets a FRACTION of it. We’ve been talking about doing a letter like this – but after reading some other mom’s who say that the parents still won’t send money I’m a little discouraged! BUT – our plan is to do the letter with something extra – (hoping that the kids will “drag” their parents into participation!) We’re going to give $10 off at the scholastic book fair, 2 free snow cones at any school event, 5 free tickets to the spring festival (the festival is NOT a fundraiser, it’s very cheap and is just a community event) and some incentive “bucks” we hand out at the school for good behavior. It’s totally playing to the kids, but we’re hoping it works!! We’re just sick of paying these other huge companies to raise money for our school, and never make enough at the other festival events etc. Wish us luck!
Thanks for stopping by! And good luck! Not an easy task I’m sure.
I think the US is a few weeks ahead of Canada – we haven’t gotten to the end of the year yet – we still have a few weeks to go.
That said, it’s my first year in the school system and I’m a bit worried now about end of year parties. Based on your, and other posts, they seem a little …. involved. You just may get a post like this from me in the next couple weeks.
Have a great week! And glad you survived.
All hell breaks loose when I volunteer. That’s probably the post I should have linked up – the day (or second day, actually) that my kid’s class had to send home apology letters to me after pandemonium ensued when I was lunch dad.
I think the school would rather have my $40.
We have a school carnival here. I’m all for just donating to the school, but I know my kids look forward to it so they’d be ticked if it went away.
But really, I tend to just donate directly to the PTA so I don’t have to do the fundraiser door to door crap.
I know. My kids LOVE it too.
Some local charter schools REQUIRE parents to volunteer so many times a year…..
I’d rather just send in a check, too.
Yeah. I looked into those here too. My thing is that I don’t have a ton of family to watch my younger children so it’s really hard for me to get up there and volunteer!
I would totally donate to not have to go to those, or ice cream socials!
Ha I would so do that!!!! Actually, my daughter’s middle school did something similar at the beginning of the year. She was required to purchase a PE uniform, so they offered a package with 2 uniforms, a pen, a hoodie, etc. The package that was $100 also included a $40 donation to the PTA and a promise that, if enough people participated, there would be no need for additional fundraisers. I wrote that check so fast my wrist got whiplash!! And, they kept their word – haven’t; seen a single wrapping paper catalog or carnival invitation all year long! 🙂
amazing!!! Less work for them too!
I hate those things. I’ve found it’s easier to man a stall, so you get to stay away from the crowds and feel as though you are being really useful. Our school asks for a minimal contribution from each child at the beginning of each academic year and that it on top of all the school fetes. Their main fundraiser of the year, though is a black tie ball. This is adults only: dinner, dancing, dressing up in a posh dress. The antidote to being a sweaty mum!
Now THAT sounds kind of fun. A date night with the hubby. But, then you have to hire a sitter, too. I like it though!
YES! I would love to be able to fork over a little cash and not have to worry about actually attending a fundraiser. Seriously, why don’t they just do that?
You should come to our school. That is exactly what we do – We have one fundraiser each year and it just involves parents sending in cold hard cash. Easy-peasy. 🙂
I really love the events that include the kids! I don’t care for the Designer Bag BINGO, so I don’t attend. I dislike the crap that we are asked to sell. $10 gift wrap, $16 package of cookie dough, football mania, raffles, $15 bad frozen pizza that wwon’t fit in my freezer…. I have three boys, all selling stuff for schools and teams at times.
“So, since we are the ones here at the school where you send your kids all day, and you’re at home doing whatever it is you do all day to avoid being here…”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t go to PTA meetings because I am usually working, not lounging around at home without a care in the world. This entire thing reads like a huge slap in the face to working parents. it feels as if you’re telling us that because we don’t have time for the meetings, every single other thing we do for our kids doesn’t count and we’re terrible parents.
Hi! Well, it seems that MANY people are misinterpreting this post entirely. I actually work from home part time, and have 3 kids of my own. The letter that I wrote was meant to be a funny letter after spending a night at a sweaty school carnival. If you re-read the post, you’ll see that I was suggesting the letter be written to ME. This was certainly not meant to be a slap in the face to anyone. I know how busy all parents are (working or not) and that was my point entirely. That parents have other things to do, and people that sacrifice their time for the PTA are saints for doing so. Those of us that can’t make it up there as often as we like aren’t at fault. I for one, would just like to donate money then have to sit through a school carnival. Which of course, I can’t miss because then my kids would think I’m the worst mom ever. I’m sorry you misinterpreted this whole post so severely, but I invite you to go back and read it again and see that I was poking fun at myself for not volunteering enough and still complaining about a PTA sponsored event. 🙂 It’s all light-hearted and fun. Hope you’ll see it as that, and not as something to incite a mommy-war debate, because I’m not into that at all.
I totally go that the letter was written to you Meredith. And, that it was supposed to be funny and not one bit offensive. Love ya!
This is incredibly offensive to working parents who busy their ass, sacrificing on a daily basis for their kids.
Hi! Well, it seems that MANY people are misinterpreting this post entirely. I actually work from home part time, and have 3 kids of my own. The letter that I wrote was meant to be a funny letter after spending a night at a sweaty school carnival. If you re-read the post, you’ll see that I was suggesting the letter be written to ME. This was certainly not meant to be a slap in the face to anyone. I know how busy all parents are (working or not) and that was my point entirely. That parents have other things to do, and people that sacrifice their time for the PTA are saints for doing so. Those of us that can’t make it up there as often as we like aren’t at fault. I for one, would just like to donate money then have to sit through a school carnival. Which of course, I can’t miss because then my kids would think I’m the worst mom ever. I’m sorry you misinterpreted this whole post so severely, but I invite you to go back and read it again and see that I was poking fun at myself for not volunteering enough and still complaining about a PTA sponsored event. 🙂 It’s all light-hearted and fun. Hope you’ll see it as that, and not as something to incite a mommy-war debate, because I’m not into that at all.
The problem is that it’s not light-hearted. It’s exactly the mean-spirited thing that so many PTA women actually think and say. Women who are NOT saints and in fact are often self-aggrandizing , self-righteous, two-faced , and as immature as middle-schoolers. You missed the mark if that was your intent!
Hmmm…I don’t know what else to say. I’m not a mean-spirited PTA woman. In fact, when I wrote this post, I wasn’t volunteering at all!! So, why would I be blaming other parents who can’t volunteer when I wasn’t doing it either? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I respect all the volunteers at my school, and I’m sorry that you have had a bad experience with bad PTA moms. Sure, no one is a “saint” Try not to take every word so literally and then you might find more humor in the piece.
My comment had nothing to do with your day “not volunteering.” I was saying that the pretend letter that you wrote in your article comes across as the type of thing that some of the PTA moms actually say when they are referring to moms who don’t volunteer., which is why your piece does not support your intent. I am not writing this to make you defend your intent; I’m writing to tell you, at least in part, the audience’s perspective.
Well I’m sorry that has been your experience. I hope that no one would say those types of things. I get your perspective although it sounds like you have had some bad experiences that I haven’t had personally, and I’m sorry that you interpreted this for something other than what it was intended. Other moms can be mean, but what I don’t understand is why this is taken so literally by so many when I see it as an obvious light hearted piece about how I hate the school carnival.
What? I found this hysterical! It was funny and not a slap in the face because she was making fun of herself, a WORKING mom.
I thought this was great! I’m a PTA mom myself and I have no desire to be at the carnival whatsoever. I’d rather eat my own shoes. Almost all our PTA moms work tooh and I know none of them blame you for not wanting to volunteer.
I find this rather offensive. Yay for you that you have all of the free time to spend at the school, but don’t put down other parents who do not!
I hope you’ll read the other comments where I’ve already responded to this issue. Did you read the whole post? The post was directed at ME. Written to ME. As a joke. Honestly, I’m a working mom with 3 kids too, so I think a re-read from the beginning is in order so that you get what the letter is all about. It was supposed to be a light hearted poke at myself for NOT volunteering enough and still complaining about the event. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you’ll stick around and read a few more posts and see what my blog and I are all about.
I’m a former 1st grade teacher and WISH this went out instead of the carnival (or whatever fund raiser was held). Yeah, the kids had some fun, but I had to go to it on an evening I could have enjoyed the night off (well, more likely working on plans for the next few days). Funny! Love it!
Hey Mer!
YES YES YES, I get it. I reallllly do! I’m not going to judge. I am the new PTO President for my school this year – last year I was just the secretary (Promotion or demotion? .. remains to be seen..)
and we, SUFFER a huge lack of parental involvement. Which equals a very ragged year for our team of 6 parents (5 this year). So, yes, we had this same conversation. But then we had our carnival and we witnessed the joy in the kids and how much they look forward to it. Our turn out wasn’t as good as past years, but that’s OK. I am on a mission to show our parents how much fun our PTO has together. At least my son is a 6th grader this year!! yay me!! one off to college and one exiting elementary school.
Good luck fellow PTO parents this year!
thanks for the awesome post!
Mer
The unfortunate reality is $40 a family won’t cut it with today’s school budget cuts. We looked at that as an option at our school PTA, but every family would have to donate $229 to make as much as we do from our 2 big annual fundraisers. And not all families can afford that or should be pressured to – just give your time or money as you can.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I ‘m one of those people who would send this letter and wait for the consequences! I’d love to send a similar letter to the people who live in my condo community from the HOA! Gee, how about all of the people in America who should vote but they don’t? We’ve become a nation of You Do It because I don’t have time! If your letter caused a ruckus, so be it! At least people would have to think about it for a minute!
OMG!! I would really love to just give money to help out our teachers than attend fundraisers or magazine drives!! I do volunteer to help out the class teacher but going to an event with hundreds of kids swarming about is just tiring!!
I don’t think anyone really understands what the PTA/PTO does and what their purpose is. The purpose of having a PTA is to raise funds to help bring communities, parents, and students together. The goal is to help support our children and find ways to make learning fun and provide opportunities to share with parents and the community what our children are doing in school. I understood the intent with this letter and being a PTA mom myself, I can see many parents feeling this way. We struggling finding enough parent involvement and it’s discouraging. If the PTA were only active to raise money for “things” then I can see how asking for just money would be beneficial, but that’s not our sole purpose. At least not at my son’s school. Our main focus is to give families an opportunity to have a safe night out with your family and friends without having to spend exorbitant amounts of money. The point of having several small activities throughout the year makes it easier for participation and less large amounts of money asked at once. Not all parents can afford to donate a large sum of money, but want to support their kids. We really hope more parents feel less discouraged or interrupted by asking for involvement a few times a year.
I joined the PTO and just accepted the position as Chair for our Spring Fundraiser. This is a 6 month detailed process with the need of 30 volunteers. Our school does 2 fundraisers a year. The one in the fall is for students only!!! So, any parent that would rather enjoy girls night need not worry about this. Our school is a charter school which means we do not get the same amount of money as a student in public school so any money we raise is crucial to each students education. We also require 20 hours per family to volunteer, but if you don’t want to physically do that then you can write a check for $200 and not feel guilty. I get your tongue-in-cheek honesty and candor. The most important thing is i love my daughter’s school and have the ability and time to volunteer. Moms have it hard enough with just day to day whether you work full or part time or are a stay at home mom. The choices and sacrifices we make for our families are hard so when the last thing you want to do is help out with 500 kids and 500 parents just remember there is a crazy person like me who would gladly accept a check!
Hahaha! I’m PTO president and I think this is spot on!!!!! ?
Okay, I’m a PTO president and this totally cracked me up! thank you so much for this laugh.. do you mind if we copy and paste and just send it out to our families??? 🙂 love it.
I am a PTO President and this post CRACKED ME UP! Do you know how much I would L-O-V-E to ask parents for a donation at the beginning of the year, instead of planning events and praying to goodness someone shows up? But sadly, we have too many members that are “set in their ways” and every time we get on the topic of $2 membership versus asking to send home a letter that says, “$20 and I’ll volunteer sometimes, $30 and I will send stuff, $50 forget my name and number” it gets shut down! *ugh* But yes, this post cracked me up! Thank you!
This makes you sound bitter. I would hate to have you as my mom. Can’t enjoy school events…but at least you are privileged to just send money
Hmmm. How does this comment make YOU sound Wendy?
As a PTA president, I think this letter is perfect! HA! I wish I could send this home, believe me! I don’t, for a second, expect all parents to volunteer like I do, but I LOVE when parents admit “yeah, I have no planning on volunteering, but heres $40 to run the programs this year.” Perfect! 😉
FYI – As much as I totally agree with this post. I am a PTA mom and I hate going to these events. In fact I generally stick to being the PTA secretary so I can just work with the paperwork. I think I’ve missed almost every event at the school. They are way to overwhelming for me.
All that being said our elementary school did a fundraiser like this last year and it BOMBED. We made no money on it and had to scramble to do two more fundraisers to make up for it. Unfortunately everyone says that they would just rather write a check but barely anyone actually does.
Wow!!!! I have read several of the comments (not all) but would love to throw in my opinion as well.
I am the PTA Vice-president and also therefore very involved in the PTA. I was a stay at home mom with my youngest and therefore when he started school I had time on my hands. I feel it is my duty, as a stay at home mom, to help on the PTA. I also feel that I volunteer on the PTA as much as possible because there are many families out there that can not, be it work schedule or smaller children. I never shame them or try to make them feel any less for not volunteering. I also try to have events that they can participate in that are ways that work for everyone.
I also am one of the crazy women that actually love the events both attending and planning. With all that in mind, I love the carnivals and big family events. We have structured out fundraising to a very successful walk n roll at the beginning of the year (this one does enable the parents to “just write that check”), then smaller fundraisers (dinners out, bottle recycling, box tops, amazon smile, the small things we all do everyday anyway) to bring in additional monies throughout the year. WE are trying to do a “Free” carnival this year for the community building.
It is hard for me to think that some people dont like the events, but I do get it. We are all different and need to understand and respect that about others. I hope this post and all the comments are shedding a light on some of these perspectives. Yes, we can all have different opinions and still get along. Thank you for this!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wrote this MANY years ago, and it always brings people to my blog. I think it’s so great that you love what you do so much and enjoy it. We need people like you in the world to balance out people like me. 🙂