Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Humor

Kids Stay Up Late, But Still Sleep In. Fake News For Parents That Will Make You LOL

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You know that little sidebar on FB that shows you all the trending topics from that day? Well, sometimes I look at it, and sigh to myself at all the bad news. But, what if, just once, you saw something you liked. Something that could make your heart skip a beat, and even better, convince you that maybe you do have this parenting thing figured out.

But, since that’s probably not going to happen, let’s pretend for one minute that the parenting miracle you’re dreaming of actually does happen, so it’s got to make the trending news. Here are a few examples of fake news for parents that I would literally pay money to see trending in my own life.

Two siblings play happily together. Mom isn’t sure what to do with herself. Since mom rarely sees sibling bliss happen anymore, she decides to sit on the couch and stare blankly at the wall directly across from her. She enjoys not having to break up a single fight about who gets the blue cup, or who actually left the milk out.

6 year old manages to find his own shoe. Family is actually on time somewhere. In a surprising turn of events, said child actually lifted something up in his messy bedroom and found the shoe all by himself under a pile of discarded lego men heads. He puts it on, and runs up to his mom declaring, “I’m ready to go and I don’t even need to poop!”

Mom is able to think straight while children are in the same house. She’s able to complete a task, write and email, or talk on the phone for 3.8 minutes without fight club breaking out. She celebrates by having a completed thought and actually remembering a deadline on time.

Parents get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. For one blissful night, no one called the parents from the other room to say, I’m hungry at 2 am, or remind mom that they needed to read a book about leopards for the school book report due tomorrow. Parents wake up actually feeling refreshed, and not hating their family before coffee.

Teenagers room stays clean for 24 hours straight. Family members are actually not afraid to walk in there, either. There are no crusty plates, or hidden wrappers behind furniture, and there is also not a mysterious smell coming from the closet either. Teenager even has a place to do homework for once – his desk.

Parents go out to eat with their kids and everyone still likes each other afterward. Parents are able to talk because no one is screaming and trying to hide under the table, and not a single kid asks to poop as soon as the meal is placed on the table. Parents almost consider having another child because of this miracle but remind themselves that would be insane, and stick to the three they already have.

Mom takes kids to do something fun, no one complains. After a fun trip to the children’s museum, no one cries when it’s time to leave, or begs for a single item from the gift shop. When kids get in the car, they say, “Thanks mom for always taking us to do fun stuff!” instead of “I wish you would have taken us to the bounce house place instead.”

Family goes on vacation and no one gets sick. For four whole days, everyone is well. No one throws up on vacation, says, “My throat hurts” or even gets a headache. Everyone relaxes and has fun.

Kids stay up past bedtime, but still sleep in. Parents wake up to the sounds of birds chirping outside instead of waking up to the sound of someone crying in the next room. They feel rested, and think they might actually be able to function without caffeine.

Kid remembers project well before the night before. Parent and child work together without tears, and complete the project on time without fighting.

Toddler does not get out of bed when he’s put in it. Instead, he says, “night night mommy.” smiles and goes to sleep. He does not get up to ask you to go to Target tomorrow to buy his favorite cereal, or ask for a refill of his water cup. Instead, he smiles, rolls over and doesn’t make another sound.

Mom doesn’t lose it getting her kids ready for school. Everyone wakes up in a good mood, gets dressed, and does not get distracted with a toy they found under their bed from three years ago. Instead, children make it to bed on time while mom didn’t even have to yell, “YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

Children go shopping with mom and don’t beg for anything. While mom casually strolls up and down her favorite store (Target, of course) children are content just looking around. They don’t touch anything they’re not supposed to, and don’t ask for a single thing. Mom is able to remember everything on her list.

Mom slaves over dinner, and everyone eats it and says, thank you. No one spends time trying to pick out tiny black specks (also known as pepper) out of their casserole, or complaining that anything is too spicy. Instead, everyone eats their food, and remembers to tell mom thank you, too.

While I don’t expect any of these fake news for parents to happen anytime soon at my house, I wish you the best of luck at yours. Meanwhile, I’ll resume my normal routine of listening to kids beg for stuff, and trying to deep breathe my way through the morning routine.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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