Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

  • My Books
    • The Mother Load
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

Family Humor In the Motherhood Manic Mondays Motherhood Parenting

Parenting Milestone #21. When Your Child Says, I Hate You

  • Share
  • Tweet

We were in a frenzy to get out the door as usual. Of course I was running late, because….I have 3 kids.

Two were in the car, or meandering around in the yard. I wasn’t sure because the middle child couldn’t find his shoes. I was inside trying to deep breath through the shoe routine.

I’ll be honest, I am not always patient with this charade. “I can’t find them!” pretty much hits their lips as soon as I say, “get your shoes on so we can go.” But, in this particular case, I did at least see the 5 year old attempt to walk through each room and “look” for them. But, we all know that when a 5 year old looks somewhere, it’s about the same as when the husband looks. They glance. Sort of.

So as he’s glancing (aka “looking) around each room and crying because he can’t find his shoes, I proceed to lose my cool. Whatever grace and patience was left in me had suddenly evaporated and I became scary mommy. I got down low at his eye level and told him he better find his shoes or I was going to lose it.

Of course, it was clear to us all that I had already lost it.

As he turned his back to me, I heard 3 words no parent wants to hear, and 3 words I thought maybe, just maybe I would never hear.

“I hate you”

I whipped my head around like something out of the exorcist. “What did you say?!” I asked in sincere shock that one of my children could utter those words.

He immediately started to cry. And proceeded to cry as I did the only thing I could think to do in this scenario. Force him to say it again.

I threatened that he would lose his play date as we drove his older sister to hers. He cried and cried and cried while I tried to hold back my own tears. “Just tell me what you said and you can still go to your friend’s house”

“OK, once I turn here, your time is up.”

“It’s better if you just say it.”

“Why won’t you just tell me?”

I said all I could say and he obviously wasn’t giving it up again. He knew better. He obviously knew it was wrong. But, my threats had to be enforced. He didn’t get his play date, and he finally admitted that what I knew I had heard was true.

I sent him downstairs for quiet time, put his brother down for a nap, and called my husband to sob like a baby. “He said I hate you. I am failing as a mother. I don’t know what to do. blah blah blah.” The knife to the heart was real in that moment, and I just needed a moment to cry.

After regaining my composure and some of my dignity, I sat him down and tried to explain that I hate you is the opposite of I love you, and I hope he never says that again, because even when I’m mad at him, I would never EVER say that to him.

And, then we moved on with our day. I got a few more hugs than usual, and I eventually got over the fact that my kids were, in fact, normal.

its-ok-dear-youre-supposed-to-hate-me-im-your-mom--3efed

So, as heart wrenching as this was, I learned a few things in the process.

1. Parenting sucks

2. My kids are normal

3. Expect at least one child to do what you thought they never would.

4. I’m doing my job as a parent.

5. I am no different than every other mother out there.

6. Crying helps.

7. So does chocolate.

I pray that you never hear those 3 ugly words, but if you’re a parent, my guess is you probably will.

*********

This is a parenting blog hop. What are you thinking about this week? Link them up so we can visit each other and hear about what’s going on in YOUR parenting world.

Going to join us? Here are the “rules” (Feel free to follow them loosely):

1. Add your link below

2. Grab MY button found below and add it to your post or sidebar, and then come back and link up with us here. It’s that easy! I’ll try to promote your post on social media by pinning, tweeting, and sharing.

3. Visit the other awesome bloggers that are also linking up and leave comments on their posts!

 Perfection Pending


28 Comments

« Leading with a Brave Heart
Getting Out of My Own Head. The Reasons I Write. »

Comments

  1. Ana Lynn says

    July 21, 2014 at 6:14 am

    I’ve heard it. Not from my son though, but from my daughter oh yeah. The first time it hurt. Oh boy did it hurt. You’re right chocolate helps. And ice cream. And chocolate ice cream of course.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 8:14 am

      Yes, chocolate ice cream, for sure. 🙂

      Reply
  2. normaleverydaylife says

    July 21, 2014 at 6:31 am

    Knife to the heart is exactly right! Even though your brain knows they don’t mean it, it still hurts!!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 8:15 am

      It’s the worst huh? My oldest has never said it, so I thought I was avoiding it!

      Reply
  3. Rayna says

    July 21, 2014 at 9:13 am

    About 2 months ago Sienna said it during this horrendous tantrum. I couldn’t believe she said that since it isn’t something I would think she would have ever heard before or even know what it meant. Hurt at first but I know she didn’t mean it. Just wasn’t prepared to hear it now. Maybe in 10 years but at 3???? Thankfully I haven’t heard it since.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Well, Avery has never said it. I’m not super surprised it was Kyle to say it first. Luckily the other two weren’t there to hear it. :/

      Reply
  4. Liv says

    July 21, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Oh my…not one of the parenting milestones I ever want to meet. It’s so hard – and I feel for you.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      It’s fine. I’ve got a thicker skin now for when we hit the teenage years! 🙂

      Reply
  5. donofalltrades says

    July 21, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Not saying we’ve known each other too long now, but I read the title and immediately knew what was coming, which child it was, and that you’d tell your husband while crying. YAY me!

    I’ve not gotten the I hate you yet, and I don’t think Wife has either. Cool told me I was fat once, maybe that was his way of saying he hates me? Who knows?

    He probably heard that from one of the Mormon elders and just repeated it. You know how those people are.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Wow Don! I am so glad you decided to stop by again first of all. 🙂 You do know me well.
      Yeah, it wasn’t fun, but if he pulls that crap again, I know how to handle it better next time!

      Reply
  6. Kate (Shakespeare's Mom) says

    July 21, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Oh man. Why is it so hard to be a parent sometimes? Shoes are the worst. I totally get it. Today, I was upstairs frantically trying to get ready when my not-quite-two-year-old somehow broke through the baby gate and headed outside. Her three-year-old sisters went after her, and tried to stop her, but everyone was barefoot and half-dressed, and the twins were dragging a wagon and a toy shopping cart down the steps with them for who knows what reason, and the baby fell over and one of the dogs barked his head off at a landscaping guy next door…anyway…it was a mess, and I don’t think any of us liked each other very much. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      Ha. This comment was so awesome. Made me laugh envisioning all of that chaos. I can relate!

      Reply
  7. Jessie says

    July 21, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    All my girls throw the “I hate you” around. The oldest started it and the younger ones are of course parrots. I certainly don’t like it but I try to ignore it and remember my mother. She always told me that every time I told her that she was the worst mother in the whole entire world that meant she was probably doing something right. Setting down boundaries that needed to be there yada yada… So I hear that, hope it means my mother was right (mothers are right usually aren’t they?) breathe deep, eat a bite of chocolate and try to carry on.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      So true. But part of me worries he said it because I was so mad. That’s what makes me feel the worst.

      Reply
  8. Louise says

    July 21, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    Hugs from here too… Neither of my girls have said it yet, but my eldest is queen of the temper tantrums and I suspect it is just a matter of time before she “tries it out” to see what happens. I’m fearing the moment. I know it doesn’t mean they really do, but its got to be hard to hear.

    Sounds like you handled it well.

    As for the shoes? Oh do I ever hear you there. You had me at lost shoes. I’ve lost it at that too ;).

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 21, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Oh good. Glad I’m not the only one!

      Reply
  9. Nicola Young says

    July 22, 2014 at 1:19 am

    They really don’t mean it. It’s just something they know will get the upmost attention from you. The other day I had ‘you don’t like me as much as the others’ you really can’t win with kids.

    I love your comment about kids and husbands ‘looking’. My husband couldn’t find anything even if it hit him in the face!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 22, 2014 at 7:14 am

      Ha. I know! That’s why mom can always finds it

      Reply
  10. Amanda says

    July 22, 2014 at 9:54 am

    As a mother of a 19, 16, 8 and 5 I have definitely heard the “I hate you” but just wait. The one that REALLY gets me is “You Hate Me” and “You don’t even like me” – I get this from the 16 year old and it stings. I sit there and question HOW she could think I hate her, do I do things that make her think I don’t like her? Am I favoring the other kids and she sees it? I ask myself a million things every time she says it and then I think. REMEMBER, she is a 16 year old girl!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 22, 2014 at 9:55 am

      Ugh. I know! I’m sure you’ve heard it A LOT. Yeah, you hate me sounds just as bad now that I think about it.

      Reply
  11. Eli@coachdaddy says

    July 23, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Words can definitely feel like daggers. But like others they shouldn’t use (often), they’re trying things out, I believe. They know ‘hate’ isn’t love, but don’t understand the implication. It’s pretty severe, I agree. But kids don’t know that. That’s why they might think nothing of dropping an F bomb at church.

    I haven’t heard it myself, but once, after I had to discipline my youngest two (yes, we dads discipline), I heard the youngest ask the middle child, “Do you like dad?” and the middle child just grunted.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 23, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      haha! That’s funny. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂

      Reply
  12. Kimberly Murphy says

    July 24, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Ugh, knife to the heart 🙁 Our girls are 2 and 3 now and my husband gets the “I don’t want you!” pretty often around here. Why? I have nooo idea; you’d think they’d be sick of me by the time Daddy gets home from work at the end of the day! Usually he just brushes it off; I explain to the girls that those are very hurtful words to say to Daddy, and then I explain to Daddy that he’s probably going to be their best friend in a few years when they’re teenagers and busy hating me! (……Sorry, Mom!)

    Parenting IS hard :-\ Big hugs!!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 24, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Thanks Kimberly! I know all parents get it, but it’s still so hard. 🙂

      Reply
  13. Roshni says

    July 24, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Kids say that; mine did; they don’t realize the impact it has on us because they don’t understand the word! It’s just a word to throw out! I really wouldn’t give it that much importance! 🙂

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 24, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      You’re so right.

      Reply
  14. Sue says

    July 27, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    Wait until he’s 41 and see if he still hates you.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Being A Mom Is Miserable - Perfection Pending says:
    January 23, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    […] There are long days where no one appreciates you. There are hard things that we don’t know how to deal with. Our kids suffer bullying, heartbreak, and say I hate you. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
Load More Follow on Instagram

You might also like

The Greatest Gift Is To Watch Your Child Leave You

Mom holding baby in nursery and yawning

When Does Parenting Get Less Exhausting? Newsflash – Never.

Dad holding tired girl after trick or treating during Halloween in the 80's

Halloween in The 80’s Was the Best Ever

mom forcing a smile with fingers and blue background

Stop Complaining About Motherhood. Here Are 21 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

Copyright © 2025 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2025 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in