I think my husband has had at least one man trip every year since we’ve been married. And, I will emphasize AT LEAST.
What do I classify as a “man trip”?
1. They have no responsibilities other than taking care of themselves for any period of time that lasts longer than 12 hours.
2. They go somewhere “fun” with other guys…no women allowed. (I put that in quotations because I would not classify what he does all the time as fun).
3. There are no little people with him to take care of.
4. He gets to spend the night somewhere outside of the house where there are not 3 little people to wake him up at any given moment.
I blame it mostly on his oldest brother who is usually the instigator of these trips. He is usually the one planning them and organizing them. But, sometimes my husband initiates them, and sometimes his friends do. it doesn’t matter, really. What matters is that they happen a lot.
Here’s the deal. I am a supporter of my husband having some time to himself. But, as I was talking to my sister, and trying to convince her (and myself) that this is normal, she argued. “I don’t know anyone who’s husband does that as much as your husband”. I tried to argue that his brother does, but that wasn’t a very good argument. So, then I started to wonder….do all men take “man trips” as often as my husband does?
For a while, it was the annual Yurt trip in the winter. Then, they started a trip for his dad and his brothers to do together during the summer. Then, there was the trip that his high school buddies planned to drive from Texas to Miami. (Thankfully my husband declined that one. That one scared me.) There are the random trips down to southern UT where we have a plethora of outdoor activities like hiking, national parks, river rafting, camping, mountain biking, etc. etc. And, although it technically doesn’t fall into the same category, there are the activities like all day hikes that take up an entire Saturday.
I try to be supportive because my husband works really hard for our family so I can be a stay at home Mom. Then, he works really hard when he comes home from work and I bark at him to help he cleans the kitchen and helps get kids ready for bed. So, I feel like in some ways he is entitled to a little fun. Right?
But, when I really think about how often he gets to do these things vs. how often I do, I wonder what I’m doing wrong. Is it just that I am not planning enough stuff? Do I not have as many friends? Am I not working hard enough? Don’t answer that last one.
There was that one time I got a weekend to myself, and then my sister got the flu and we stayed inside and watched old TV shows on Netflix for 3 days. No NYC trip as planned. Frankly, it sucked and I can say that now that my sister has also agreed with me that THAT trip doesn’t count.
He’s going on another one of these trips soon. It’s just a one nighter. But, the thing is, there is a lot of prep anyway which also takes a lot of his time (and he’s usually pretty grumpy about the prep part. Probably because like this Onion article says, as soon as he is on the cusp of having fun, he remembers all of his responsibilities.) and it is on my weekend when he is usually home saving me from my insanity that has built up from the week long whiny-ness that my children shower me with. I don’t know. There is some validation on the weekend when HE loses HIS patience. AND, frankly, I worry about dangerous situations that men get in when they get together with no women to tell them to think through what they are about to do. Not a second thought is given to the women they will be leaving as widows and the children that they are possibly going to leave orphaned. They think things like this are fun:
Yes, that is my husband with the long scrawny legs hoisting himself up while my brother in law is trying not to fall off that cliff. And this was when women WERE around telling them not to do this
I guess no one died. This time.
They are headed back down to southern UT, and I tried not to listen as he explained to his friend on the phone the type of repelling gear they will need and how many feet of rope is necessary. (Just please don’t die, honey). But, I will admit, the pictures of where he is going look beautiful.
I mean, look at this:
http://sueandstu.blogspot.com
I don’t know what my point is exactly, but I want to know….if you are a man, how often (if ever) have you gone on such a trip, and if you are a woman, how often has your husband?
Just curious.
I think I need to plan a trip somewhere. Soon.
And, in true female fashion it will NOT include repelling, hiking, physical exercise of any kind, work, building a fire, sleeping on the ground, etc. Isn’t it funny how when woman have a “getaway” we want to do absolutely nothing, and when men do, they have to sleep in snow caves they build with their own bare hands? Dumb.
I WISH Tim would plan a guy trip like that. But it’s different when you have kids cause he is leaving you alone with them…..AGAIN. So you aren’t getting your own rejuvenating “ME” time.
But like you said he DOES work so you can be a stay at home mom. And ALL work and no play….you know.
LOLOLOL about that “cliff” he was about to fall off of. It was what…maybe a four foot drop…….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
But you do deserve to have your time AWAY from the kids and you should GET IT!!!!!!! It’s not like you are playing all day at home.
Are you more upset that he is going without you on these trips or that you aren’t getting to take as many as you’d like?
I just would LOVE to spend an entire weekend with a friend doing whatever we want….it has only happened for me one time since we started having kids. So, I’m not really “upset” so much as just jealous.
Hahaha My husband probably would worry about leaving me alone. He thinks (incorrectly) that I would just die without him! Who would remind me 14 times to lock the doors? Who would tell me to check on Jp 19 times? Lol 😉
Last night I got to get out of the house! I took two beers with me after I disassembled two baby cribs so I could meet some woman at a park and ride so she could give me money for those cribs. No kids!! As for out of town trips? Ha ha hahahahahahahaha!! That’s rich!
Of course, my wife works all week too so it’s not really fair (even though I work more hours and make more money but don’t tell her that!)
That’s funny. Yes, when I leave the house without the kids it’s always a pleasant experience. Glad you made some cash off your used baby gear….That’s always a bonus when kids outgrow stuff and you can get rid of it!
Oh my gosh. This post had me rolling with laughter! Confession: sometimes I encourage the hubs to take a man trip just so I can cash in a free night/weekend for myself down the line. 🙂 I hope you get some time on your own soon! We all need that!
I like how you think!
We each get one weekend per year, without question. He spends a weekend with his brothers and friend. They drink, watch movies, and grill food. I get a weekend scrapbooking with my friends.
I think we all – men and women alike – deserve a little time off. I mean face it – family vacations are not really vacations for moms, and don’t really count. Our family vacation totally seems like a vacation for my husband as he’s not in charge of packing everything and making sure the kids have everything they need. He’s just in charge of the fun parts.
Now, 3 days a week I get an hour to myself when I go to the gym. It’s wonderful to go somewhere without little people. He gets other evenings to himself at random times. It all evens out for us.
But I live for my scrapbooking weekend! It’s the best weekend of the whole year!
That sounds fun!!! Yes my husband is all about the family vacations and I’m thinking…do you know how much work that is!?
I am wayyyy too young to even think about husbands/marriage, but this post is HILARIOUS! I loveee your writing style. And yes, you deserve a trip of your own!! Maybe make it a spa day…or weekend 🙂
<3, Charlotte
Sounds good to me!!
How beautiful. I feel ya! My husband works very hard for me to stay home and I bark at him to relieve me of the kids as soon as he gets home. He deserves a man trip. I daydream of a solo vacation for myself too.
1. I gotta agree with you. He does go on a few too many. I just had my first one last year and it was only after I let her go on one. Maybe because I am a little lazy and only deserve them every 12 years. Regardless, I think 1 a year would be acceptable. Just a man’s point of view.
I would think that as long as you get your solo trip as well it would be totally fine, but we also don’t have kids yet and I work full time sooooooo I can’t really relate yet. I do have a friend though who is a SAHM and her husband goes on trips a lot, like a lot a lot and that would get on my nerves especially since it seems like she doesn’t get her own alone time, she is always with her kids. I guess the question is, if you are happy then that is all that matters, if you feel it isn’t fair, then change things a little so you can have your own time too!!!
This coming from someone with very little experience or knowledge 😉
ha! Well thanks for your input anyway! 🙂 I am actually happy for him most of the time. I just wish I could do it more too!
It is definitely not equal in my family. My husband goes on a couple of man trips a year, but not only that his activities, i.e. golf, skiing, or fishing, although day activities take an entire day. As a SAHM I too feel grateful that he works so hard to take care of his family and should be entitled to a weekend away every once in a while, BUT we work hard too. All is not equal, and the prospect of leaving him alone with two toddlers is anxiety producing for us both. However, he exceeds my parenting expectations each time I leave for a night (it’s only happened three times, once for a funeral). As more parenting years are placed under out belt, I try to find a better balance for each of us getting our much deserved “me” time.
You are absolutely right. All cannot be equal!! It’s impossible. For example, he works so hard being the breadwinner, and deserves time off too.
My husband goes on man trips a lot. Three times this summer already! Yes the men work hard but we work just as hard in another way staying at home taking care of EVERYTHING else. It does make me jealous since I never go on girl trips. Since my friends pretty much all have kids and to organize a moms weekend away would probably take magic and rainbow unicorns to make it happen. Also when I go away I prefer to go with my kids and husband. I guess it’s a catch 22.
That’s SO true Sarah. Coordinating with other moms is way trickier. The men can just slip away.
Its because until 10,000yrs ago humans were hunter gatherers. In hunter gatherer tribes, the men regularly go away on long-distance hunting trips, men only, while the women stay at home. All the activities you described your husbands doing, are simulating hunting/camping out. Also why men love beer – at home the tribe boils water to purify it, sometimes adding leaves or roots to flavour it (now herbal tea, soft drinks). The men would carry water with them on their trips away but it wouldn’t stay pure/sterilised unless they fermented it first – the alcohol prevents bad bacteria growing = herbal/root beer. bitter herbs reduce the amount of friendly bacteria which means more yeast = more alcohol = bitter tasting stronger beer. later they started using grains. Meanwhile women drink more bottled water than men.
Of course mens hunting trips used to be their work/hard labour, beer was a necessity to keep them healthy, and they used to come home with a big present of meat. Unfortunately no longer the case! On the other hand, they were far more than once a year.
Women didn’t go on long-distance women-only trips regularly the way men did. However they did go on daily girls gathering trips lasting several hours – now known as shopping. Breastfeeding infants upto age 4 would go with them but they’d be looked after by all the women not just the mother, so the mother was under less stress. 4 and up would stay home back at camp, mostly hanging out by themselves, playing all day. But there’d be some adults at camp (elderly, sick, disabled, those who want to stay home to get some other work done) they could go to for help. As they got older teenagers would start accompanying the women occasionally so they could learn how to gather. So to the women – you need more girls shopping trips! Leave the children all together to play somewhere, supervised by a grandparent or two.