Believe in Yourself like a Reality TV Star

I don’t know where I started getting confused. My guess is that it started happening right around adolescence. I mean, don’t most insecurities happen then? But, in all reality, I possibly came out of the womb this way. I’ve always been worried about who is watching, what they think, how they will react, what they will say, will they like me, did I upset someone, etc. etc. I don’t think in the 36 years I’ve been a human that I’ve just been confident in my own skin.

Sometimes I watch a good dose of reality TV and see people that seem to have an over abundance of confidence and an “I don’t care” attitude, and even though I know it’s wrong…I get jealous. Where did all of that confidence come from? I wonder. I think that’s why I like reality TV so much. It’s like a train wreck of over confident people that are so different than me that I can hardly fathom it. And, I can’t look away.

Tell someone off? No problem. Wear something crazy and not care? Sounds good.  Parent your child by giving her Mountain Dew before her Little Miss America performance at the age of 6? No worries. Go on a dating show and tell the whole world that you KNOW this guy is meant for you even though there are 25 other girls he is dating at the same time? I got this. (BTW, the girls that say that NEVER seem to be the last one standing in case you were wondering).

Some people are just born with it. For some reason, I think I was born without it or lost it along the way.

But, this past year, I’ve been on a journey with this blog. And, things have happened that have impacted me in a profound way. I’ve blogged about them the best way I knew how to both heal myself, and not hurt the others that were involved. But, the past year has been a time of realizing that when you’re 36 years old, you have to stop looking over your shoulder to see who is watching you. I mean, at some point that’s got to happen for all of us.

At some point we have to start believing that we are awesome.

It’s not to say that we should never care what others think. I mean, I’m sure that some of those girls that have been on the Bachelor are hiding away now wishing they had never said and acted the way they did and cried those sad tears of rejection on public television. In fact, I believe strongly in being an example to others, but we shouldn’t be watching for them to see us be a good example. Instead, we should simply be. We should be confident if we want to say something that we know someone we love will disagree with. We should realize that each life is unique and different. We cannot possibly please the world and understand each other perfectly all the time. There will be misunderstandings. And, people will judge us. Even if we are doing the best we possibly can. Maybe we aren’t doing the best we can. They will judge us anyway. Because we each have our own unique experiences.

And, let me tell you, it’s a foreign experience to me. Believing in myself, and my ideas, and my goals no matter what other people say to me. It’s not in my nature. In fact, sometimes, it feels downright uncomfortable. But, sometimes the thing that makes us the most uncomfortable is the thing that makes us the person we were always meant to become. At my darkest time in this past year, I almost gave up on this whole writing/blogging dream of mine. I almost threw it out the window because I felt it wasn’t worth it. But, looking back, that’s like saying my dreams aren’t worth it. And, that’s a lie the world tells us to stop us from becoming amazing. Who are we not to be amazing? We all have that potential.

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I realized through this experience that I would tell my children to just believe. Believe that they are good. Believe that they are unique. Believe that they can do anything they set their mind to.   But, why wasn’t I telling myself that?

Something happened this week that was profound for me. I let go of a situation that’s been eating at me since April. I gave up on trying to convince someone else to believe in me, and to see the good in me. Instead, I chose to just believe it about myself and move on. It has brought me so much peace. I feel stronger, and I feel like I have moved closer than I have been to God in a long time. Because, I’ve needed Him. I feel powerful. It’s crazy how just believing in yourself makes you strong. Not strong enough for reality TV. But, strong enough to just go forward and not look back.

And, with clarity, I figured out what to do about my blog. I found a name for my blog that felt good, positive, and inspiring. Even if it’s to no one else but myself, it doesn’t matter. I happily forked out the money to own the domain name, and made the commitment. And, yesterday, a blessing came as a result of this blogging thing. I can’t share too much, but let’s just say that I know it was a blessing because I stuck with it. I didn’t give up, and I believed in myself. I know it’s my Heavenly Father telling me, “You are doing the right thing.”

And, I love my new blog. I have a lot of work to do on it and on myself. But, it’s worth it. I won’t be perfect at it. I may not ever make a living at it, just like I may not ever completely stop caring what others think and say about me. But perfection is a process. It’s always pending.

What is your dream? Are you listening too much to what others are saying? How are you going to let go of it, and believe in yourself?