Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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In the Motherhood Inspiration Motherhood Parenting Perfection

8 Ways to Love The Mom You Already Are

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One of the most difficult things for me to reconcile as a mom has been to love who I have become as a mother, and stop feeling bad about not being the mom I thought I’d be.

Before kids we all tend to have these idyllic fantasy-like exceptions of the kinds of mothers we will be once we start having kids. You know, the ones that only buy organic cotton, make their own baby food, and still have a patient, calm demeanor when our child writes on our new couch with permanent marker.

But, for me, reality set in quickly when I had my first child and realized that I wasn’t as patient as I thought I would be, and making all my own baby food was not my passion. And, I also felt the overwhelming burden of mom-guilt set in as I failed to meet my own expectations that I had set out for myself.

If we were to try a new activity, sport, or hobby for the very first time, we would never expect ourselves to get everything right from the very beginning. If we were to encourage our kids to do something new, we also wouldn’t expect perfection out of them either. So, why do we expect that out of mothering? We shouldn’t. It’s unrealistic, and harmful to our own hormone-filled fragile egos after we have kids.

So, what’s the trick to loving the mom you actually are instead of mourning the mom you thought you’d be?

Here are some ideas:

Focus on your strengths. Every mom has strengths. Maybe you don’t love playing make-believe with your kids, but you do love cooking with them. Focus on accepting that those activities that you do love are just as worthwhile to your children as they grow.

Set goals that are achievable. So often, we set goals for ourselves that just aren’t attainable. I used to think that if I could just be a stay at home mom, I’d always have warm meals ready when my husband walked in the door, and a clean house. Ummm. Re-evaluate your goals often, and set small goals for each day that you can check off your list.

Treat yourself like you’d treat your kids. When you’re tempted to be hard on yourself as a mother, think about how you would coach your kids through something difficult. You’d encourage, uplift them, and tell them that you believe in them. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your kids. That’s a good gauge for a healthy self-image.

Give yourself space from your kids. When my oldest was born, I never gave myself a break, and it seemed like I was so consumed with motherhood that that’s all I could focus on. I am a true believer in finding your passion and pursuing it in order to love who you are even more. You’ll be a better mom, too.

Accept that a lot of it is out of your control. For a type A personality like myself, so much of mothering little ones (and big ones) is out of my control. They have their own strong wills, and choices to make that have nothing to do with me. You will have a lot more peace that you’re doing all that you can do if you let go a little more, and accept that a lot of being a parent is out of your control.

Let go of imagining that the other moms you know don’t have struggles.  It really is true that comparison can be the thief of joy. Stop looking at another mom and imaging that she has it all together and you don’t. Every mom has her own unique struggles. Stop looking to your left and to your right, and focus on what’s straight ahead and what you can do better.

Remind yourself often that doing your best is enough. After I became a mother, a lot of weaknesses of mine naturally came bubbling to the surface. It was hard to accept that I wasn’t the mother I thought I’d be. But, if I think about it, my kids aren’t necessarily the kids I thought they’d be either! I’m doing my best with what I’ve been given, and that is enough.

Your kids love you just the way you are. The truth is, your kids have faults and weaknesses, but that doesn’t change how much you love them. It’s the same way your kids feel about you. So, stop feeling bad about not being the ideal mother you thought you’d be. You are the mother they needed, which was why they were given to you. They love you just the way you are, so see yourself through their eyes, and you’ll realize you’re exactly the mom they need.

***

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I hope you’ll come on over to my Facebook page, or Instagram, where I love connecting with other moms who aren’t afraid to share photos of their messy houses, and commiserate about having the hardest job on earth.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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