Why the OKAY Days Are Some of the Best

I felt like supermom today. Today I got caught up on laundry, was patient with the kids, got dinner in the crockpot, and basically pulled my act together like the mom I always thought I’d be. I didn’t lose it when the youngest refused to try dinner, and I reminded my oldest, with love (not annoyance), to put her shoes in the right place for the third time.

On days like today, it’s easy to feel like a good mom. It’s so much easier than the days when I’m a hot mess and using the dishes as my personal Jenga game, and the recycling has become part of our decor because no one wants to take it out to the garbage can.

Those days are just the OKAY mom days. I’m not terrible. I’m not great. I’m just OKAY.

Yes. It’s a lot harder to feel like a good mom on the okay days. You know the days where you drag your bones out of bed dreading the fights over shoes and homework, and everything else to get the kids out the door. The days when showering and putting on real clothes feels like it might actually kill you, and you’re jealous of your cat that sleeps 11 hours straight.

Those days, it’s hard to see the truth. That you’re still a good mom.

Instead we fill ourselves with lies that on those days – the okay ones – where we aren’t good enough for our kids. We tell ourselves that boxed mac and cheese is never what we wanted for them. No, it was always going to be homemade, or better yet, no white pasta at all.

Hey mamas – Do you feel like this? Like you’re just OKAY and that’s not what your kids deserve?

Yeah, me too. Those days sometimes feel like they are taking over. And the truth is, they can if we let them. We can continue to believe that we’re ruining something by having just OKAY days instead of fabulous ones.

Because, the OKAY days were never supposed to exist at all in my make believe world before I actually birthed a child. These OKAY days are for mediocre moms. Not us, right?

But, here we are, trudging through lots of OKAY days because the baby kept us up all night, or our own racing thoughts of worry and doubt about our parenting did.

I know what you feel on those days. You want to make excuses when your husband walks in the door even though he’s not saying a word and probably doesn’t even see the mess you do. You vow that if you get just one more hour of sleep you’ll be different tomorrow. But, then you stay up late watching your favorite shows instead. Then you repeat the cycle the next day.

The OKAY days weren’t what we thought motherhood was. How did we get here so fast?

But, you know what I’ve learned about those days? That kids still feel loved. That laughs still happen. That memories are still made.

Here’s the biggest things I want to tell you — THE OKAY DAYS are some of the best. No, they aren’t perfect. Yes, mistakes are made.

Oh my gosh mistakes are made.

Let me tell you a little story. My ten year old and I got into a spat. It was the end of the day, I was tired, my husband was stuck late at work, and kids were wild as they usually are. I was staring down the bedtime and bath time routine alone, and there were dirty dishes on the counter, dirty socks and shoes everywhere, and a huge donation pile sitting in the living room that had been there a week, but suddenly, my anxiety got the best of me, and it was all making me mad.

I stormed into my daughter’s room and barked orders for her to clean it up. Probably because I felt helpless by the chaos that surrounded me. She yelled, “I WAS CLEANING UP!” Honestly, I don’t know if she was or not. But, her response sucked.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Quit being so disrespectful! It is NOT OK for you to yell at me like that.
Her: But, you came in here and just yelled at me! (she was right)
Me: I’m the mom though, and you are the kid. You should treat me with more respect!

I stormed out of the room angry. At what, I wasn’t sure. But, she shouldn’t be talking to me like that. I shouldn’t be angry either. What a hypocrite, I thought. She’s right. I let my emotions get the best of me. I was a drill sergeant and my own stress, which had nothing to do with her, was leading my actions.

Later that night, I went into her room to give her a hug and tuck her in. I told her I was sorry for yelling. That it wasn’t OK for me to yell, and that I’m trying hard to change. I told her that she needs to do better, too. She agreed. We hugged and we forgave each other, and I walked out of that room wanting to high five myself because we learned something.

It was just an OK day. But, we learned and we grew.

Sure, they aren’t great days, but they are OK. But, that’s how we learn as mothers. That’s how our kids learn. It’s when we throw our hands up and finally, sometimes begrudgingly accept we can’t control a whole lot. The OKAY days are the days when we are humbled, where we have to forgive, where we become better, more beautiful versions of ourselves.

Don’t try to wipe the OKAY days from your memories. They are good enough to be remembered. And, your effort, even though it feels subpar to you is good enough for them, too. Because if you’re learning, stretching, growing, and humbling yourself, what do you think they’re learning?

You see, they don’t see what you see. They see a mom that keeps them warm, and makes sure their homework is finished. They see a mom that gives hugs and tickles. They see beauty even though you see a mess. They see you for who you truly are. A good mom. They don’t care about the OKAY days the way we do. Because they are happy and you are a good mom, and OKAY days are what beautiful lives are made of.

So when you’re tempted to look around and feel shame and guilt and regret because it’s not what you thought it was going to be, tell yourself that it’s still beautiful. Your kids are warm, and happy, and safe.

Fight the urge to believe that you aren’t serving them the way you thought you’d be. There are no perfect mothers, and there are no perfect days. OKAY ones are what beautiful lives are made of.