I have a lot swirling around in my head today. Everyday. I think too much. This blog does not help that fact.
First order of business. Today is my husband’s 35 birthday. Happy Birthday to the best husband anyone can ask for. He is an amazing father too. Yes, we’ve been married almost 11 years, so that means we all have a real clear picture of marriage, raising a young family, and life in general together. But, at the end of the day, he is the person I want by my side. Always. He makes me laugh. And, he makes me cry. But, I love him and am so grateful that he was born so that I could spend this wild, crazy ride with him. With the birth of the 3rd kiddo, we grew closer in some ways. Call it love, or survival. Not sure which, but it seems like that we hang onto each other more than we ever have. Mostly because I think we are both terrified by the fact that we are outnumbered by children now. But, in all seriousness. He is a dang good man. I’m so happy to celebrate another birthday with him.
Second, I wanted to blog about our recent Byway. What is a byway you ask? (Ok, you probably didn’t) but I wanted to look up the definition anyway.
|
Noun
|
On our recent trip, we had a layover in Seattle. Neither of us had been there but we had a romantic idea of what it must be like. If you are from there, or have lived there, or have any input whatsoever, feel free. We imagine it as a place that has all the things we love: Green trees, rain, ocean, mountains not far away, big city, seasons. Maybe it’s not like that? But, we were excited anyway to get to land there and sneak a peek from the airplane window. Little did we know that we would get stuck there for 7 hours.
Seattle from the train
The kids’ favorite part: The train.
Now, normally, a word like byway would make me crazy. “Little known” and “track not following a main route” are phrases that instantly make me uneasy. I don’t do well with surprise, or spontaneity. This is a recent thing in the past couple of years. Since having kids. But, I wanted to share how I think some days, I can handle the anxiety really well.
When our flight had been cancelled, and all we had was a diaper bag, a broken stroller, and 3 kids, we decided to hop on the train from the airport and go into Seattle to see it. We had some friends that had recently just moved outside of Seattle and they wanted to meet up. Even if it was just for an hour. And, we did. I didn’t freak out, and I would have to say I was pretty easy going. Thank you very much. Here are a few pics from our off the main route adventure.
I can be easy going. Sometimes. I’m so glad we didn’t spend that whole time in the airport and we got out and did a little sight seeing, and saw some friends. So worth it.
Last, blogging. Hmmm. This has been consuming me lately. First, my last post before this one was my 500th post. 500! That’s a lot of writing. A lot of my thoughts. A lot of my feelings. A lot of my life as a mother. I started this when my oldest was 17 months old. November 19, 2007 was my first post. When I think about 500 posts, I feel so overwhelmed. This blog has been an outlet for me. At times it has felt like a chore. But, now, I feel like after 500 posts, I’ve found my niche. I know that I love this, and want to keep doing it forever. I feel like it is cathartic for me.
Now, I do have a sick need for validation in all things. Something else I’m working on. So, lately, switching to wordpress and getting followers and comments by complete strangers has been so intoxicating. I want more. Yet, then I look at another blog with something like 2000 followers, and I think, “What do I have to say that is so important?” But, people are reading it. Why? I think it’s because after 500 posts, I’ve finally decided to try and keep it real. I want to blog for myself, and not just to get comments. So, I have to slow myself down. Take deep breaths and not dream about blog posts. Because I read blog posts where I know they carefully crafted every word in their heads, and I feel it. I hope my blog doesn’t feel like that. I just want to be real. Honest. Truthful. Even if it is hard to write.
Recently, I wrote a blog post on Blogher that I was too afraid to write here. It got “featured” and that was the biggest validation of all. People know how I feel about something that is real. And personal. And, they feel that way too. That is what blogging is all about.
Happy Friday to any of you who are reading. I will keep writing for 500 more. I hope.
YAAAAY for Seattle!! Looks like you got ‘good’ weather for the market, rainy its miserable, but sunny it’s full of people and gets crowded and stifling, especially at the fish-throwing station 😉
I’m reading! Happy Friday back. 🙂
Loved your BlogHer post. If we ever move to Salt Lake, let’s be BFFs. 🙂
I am shy, anxious and introverted and have a hard time reaching out to others. Not to help them–that isn’t hard. I can deliver a meal or ask if everything’s OK or babysit someone’s kids. But asking for that help myself, is almost impossible. I want to tell you my little “local BFF” story because it seems unlikely to me, since I don’t traditionally make friends easily. I have a few BFFs from high school whom I’d do anything for but we all live far away from each other. But I also do, these days, have 2 dear, dear friends here whom I would miss forever if/when we ever move away.
I can’t take credit for them because they are wonderful people who jump at the chance to help others, and I lucked out. They were already friends with each other when I moved here 6 years ago and it took a few years and their previous “3rd wheel” moving away 😉 but I eased my way into their group little by little. Our oldest kids are all the same age which made it natural to become “mommy friends” at first, years ago. The turning point(s) in our friendship has been when we have all had stints with depression, at different times, and–accidentally at first–opened up to each other about it. That was so huge for me, having someone I could talk to who didn’t judge me because they had been there.
Several months after that, I initiated a monthly girls’ night (1st Monday of each month) with the three of us which I was self-conscious about initiating because I am an introvert and a homebody with social anxiety, but my OB/therapist said I needed to. Best thing I ever did. Once a month we can talk without our kids constantly needing attention, and without feeling like we’ll be judged. I am still a homebody and kinda hate leaving my house at night but I really look forward to these nights.
I don’t know if that is a helpful story or not. I really think that sometimes, it can’t be forced. But it always has to involve leaning on each other, and being vulnerable. In this particular case I have been lucky and the vulnerability has paid off (so far ;). Sometimes it can lead to being burned. I hope for you that you are lucky enough to find friends like that. Honestly that is the thing that scares me the most about moving–having to start from scratch. We are not moving immediately, but Matt really wants to move out West in the next few years. I’m pretty sure it will happen. I already know I will sob for days at leaving my dear friends behind and having to start over somewhere. I was lucky to find them and will have to be lucky to find more like them. Good luck in your own search. 🙂 I think I will be there sooner than I’m ready to be.
Nice shots 🙂
Oh, man. I’m so jealous! I miss the market and WA in general. I’m from there originally. My other half of my blog (and best friend since kindergarten) still lives there. *sigh* I miss the rain. I miss the green.
I live in Arizona now. I am learning to like cacti. After living here for 19 years.