Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Gratitude I'm a Mormon Motherhood Parenting Perfection

A Lack of Control

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I had a full on explosion a little while ago. Now, I’m happily sitting here writing this post. I feel frustrated, stressed, and anxious. I’ve been doing so good lately. Calm. Handling things with patience. But I lost my car keys, and had to turn the house upside down only to find them pretty much right where I left them. Although in my defense the toddler lifted the part of the piano up that covers the keys to the piano, and my car keys were folded up neatly inside.

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For a moment, I felt out of control. I just wanted to scream and yell, and throw things. I’ve been losing a lot of things lately. My iPod when I moved into this house and an entire box that I’m still not sure what is in it. Not to mention the horror of losing my wedding ring, and then finding it 3 days later in my Fridge. It made me stop and think how many hours I’ve spent just looking for….stuff.

The truth is, this time of year is hard for everyone. I’m no different. There is too much on the calendar, the buying and gift giving is overwhelming, and this year, as I unpacked the decorations, I didn’t feel happy, I felt it was a chore. It felt cluttery to see surfaces covered in santas and snow globes and kids’ crafts that they won’t get rid of from Thanksgiving. I hung the ornaments on the tree with haste while my precious, overly excited kids, exclaimed at each ornament as they unwrapped them. I managed to give an aloof, “Uh huh” to their tiny excited voices while my husband cleaned the kitchen in the other room because that was more important to me than us all being together.

Gloomy huh?

The truth is, I’ve realized something as I searched for my car key in anger, blaming the baby in my head, convinced he had thrown them in the trash or something equally as ridiculous. I realized that one aspect of parenting and just having a family that is SO so hard, is the lack of control you feel at times.

You feel controlled by the messy kitchen.

You feel controlled by the tiny toddler that hides things.

You feel controlled by the 7 year-old’s dirty clothes that are ALWAYS on the floor.

You feel controlled by the calendar, and the to-do lists.

You feel controlled by the need to keep up with other moms and have a pinterest worthy life!

The list could go on for days. I can think of a million things that I feel are controlling me. It can feel stifling. Claustrophobic. It’s enough to make you want to run. Where am I when there are so many things controlling me? For a brief second,  you can maybe, maybe see why some moms just can’t hack it.

But, then your kids hug you when you’re crying with your head in your hands because you can’t find the one and only key to your car. You remember to pray. And, you find your keys. Almost immediately. And, you remember that there is really only ONE that is in control of it all.

You are reminded in that simple moment when you find your freaking car keys, that He sees. He knows. He cares. He’s really in control. Not all those other little things that drive you to the brink on some days. And, that the little moments of frustration we have to experience in this life are all put there to teach us.  It really is all about trust, and faith, and believing that He can turn you into the person you were meant to be if you just let Him.

I’m not a perfect mother. My kids will see my flaws. But, they will also get hugs, hear I’m sorrys and see me grow into the better person that the Lord is creating right here in my messy, cluttered, sometimes dirty home. That’s what being a mother is about. He’s creating someone better than I am today. Right here in this house, with these little people that I’ve been put in charge of….in this place, He’s working miracles.

It may not seem like miracles are happening on most days of chores, and to-do lists, and incessant arguing with the kids, but I do believe that motherhood is a divine role, and that it’s the only way I could ever become the person I am meant to become.

Don’t be sad for that gloomy attitude that I have on some days. I’m not. I’m human, and my flaws are there for a reason. Sure, I wish that I didn’t have them, but they remind me to trust, believe, and leave the control up to someone that is far more patient than I am. I’m HIS child. So, He must have to use a lot of patience to put up with me. Luckily, His patience and long-suffering are never-ending.

But, the gloomy days remind me to get down on my knees and pray. And, remember who is really in control of everything. Not me. And for that, I’m grateful.

*********

Want to know more about what I believe? Go here.

And, don’t forget to link up with me this week here.

 

 

 


5 Comments

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Comments

  1. emily thomas says

    December 3, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    The gloomy days ARE great reminders to pray. I have been living in gloomy-ville lately. So over it! Glad to know I’m in good company.

    Reply
  2. katie says

    December 4, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Beautiful post. I’m not a mom (yet) but I can relate to that overwhelmed feeling. God is so gracious with us. Thanks for sharing your struggles with us – and God’s grace in it!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      December 4, 2013 at 9:22 pm

      Thanks for stopping by!! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Julie says

    December 6, 2013 at 7:11 am

    Great post! So true of what I’ve been experiencing. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

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    December 4, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    […] like realizing your blog post from the day before was all just a little bit of PMS too. SO, things are a lot better this morning than […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
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