Sometimes, I look at my kids and just see them through new eyes. The enormity of what I’m doing hits me with full force when I realize that they are living little tiny lives, experiencing things. They are having memories imprinted forever.
Sometimes, I look at them, and get a tiny glimpse of what the big kid will be. The teen, or the young adult. They use a big word, or smile in a way just like their Dad, and I can see that they are slowly slipping through my fingers as time continues to march on.
At birthdays in particular, I ask myself, how did another year go by so quickly? I easily get swept away when I go back to find a picture of them from a year before, and find myself sifting through hundreds of photos uncontrollably, longing to hold onto something I’m afraid I missed.
And, while I can take pictures, and blog, and try to write stuff down all I want, they are living tiny human lives and having experiences that I am missing just by the fact that I’m the Mom in the other room wiping the sticky counters, or folding the laundry.
My middle child just had his 5th birthday. I think I worry about him more than the other two just because he is the middle child. I worry that he doesn’t get enough attention, or that he doesn’t feel loved. Not because I’m denying him anything purposely, but just for the simple fact that my attention is constantly divided between 3 very important kids that need me. By nature, something has to give when you have more than one child.
But, in all my worrying, I can look back on the 12 months of his little life in pictures, and realize he’s living a full, happy life. Sure, he gets upset when his little brother steals his toys, or his big sister wants to read her books instead of playing transformers with him, but he’s doing, experiencing, and being a part of a family that loves him more than he could possibly understand at five. Maybe even more than I can comprehend too.
He’s the one that makes me laugh with his silly creativity, like when I find my hair elastic in an unexpected place, or when he tells me a joke that makes no sense.
Who’s There? (I respond)
Syrup. (He’s eating waffles)
Hey!! Who make syrup?……TREES!!!
I laugh genuinely because he is the kid that lives to entertain, saying things like, “what about don’t die” when asking you what to write on his great-grandmother’s note, and I thank a loving Heavenly Father that gave him to me. I will always worry that my attention is still not enough.
But, it’s in the photos of his day to day that I realize I’m doing good. Being enough. Trying my best to make him happy, and he’s a little person that will one day grow up with his little, tiny experiences under his belt and be shaped into a grown man. And, there won’t be any going back.
A year in his life has been fun, adventurous, and full of love. And, he’s growing into a pretty amazing person that I hope I will see put a zero behind his current age one day. These pictures aren’t necessarily the big milestones that happened each month, but they still matter anyway, because it’s a life being lived before my eyes.
You see, it’s not the big milestones that necessarily define a life. It’s all the little, seemingly insignificant ones that you might miss if you aren’t looking. And, I’m looking at this year that has passed in the life of my little boy and am so grateful for it. For him. For the big and little moments that make up his everyday life. Because his life is being shaped right now. In my care. And, I know it’s a good life. You should never discount it, just because they’re little. Their life is being lived in the everyday. And, we are just lucky to be a part of it.
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