An Open Letter to Open Letters

Dear Open Letters,

I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I can’t sit here and not say anything anymore. I saw another one of you on my FB feed this morning, and I hovered over the mouse trying to resist the urge to read you. You really do think you know it all, huh? You are judging me, or just plain bugging me, or trying to be supportive and encouraging. I’m not sure which. There really are too many of you out there talking about the person who judged you at the grocery store/neighbor’s dog/kid in your daughter’s class/inanimate object, first-time Mom, or fall leaves in your backyard. And, it’s just so obvious now. You want me to read you all, and it’s true, I fall for it almost every single time.

You see, I know some of you are sincere. But, I see through the rest of you trying to make a point, while also being kind of funny in the hopes that you’ll go viral. I know that’s a secret wish of all of yours, because I’m a writer too. And, we all are craving that attention just a little. Aren’t we? Aren’t we?!!

Here’s the thing though, open letters written to the person who judged you at the grocery store/neighbor’s dog/kid in your daughter’s class/inanimate object, first-time Mom, or fall leaves in your backyard– there is something you need to know about me. I secretly hate open letters. But, the thing is, I keep reading them. They’re like crack to a writer wanting to get published. How did they do it? What controversy did they stir up this time? How can I write a response that will also stir the pot?

And, this is what led me to write to you. Because we ALL know that when you write an open letter, everyone knows you mean B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S. And, it might be the next big thing to get published on Huffington Post or BlogHer or lead you to your first book deal. I just want the open letters to stop so that I don’t have to want to write open letters anymore. Do you understand now?

You see, as a wannabe writer, I refused to write letters like you. It just felt so cliche, you know? Although, I kinda did once when I decided to rant about people that don’t take naps. But, that was just because I was feeling very stressed one day dealing with toddlers, and too little sleep. But, now I feel compelled, because I think you–open letters to the person who judged you at the grocery store/neighbor’s dog/kid in your daughter’s class/inanimate object/first-time Mom, or fall leaves in your backyard– have just become the norm. And, while I don’t want to succumb to wannabe writer peer pressure. Here I am. Writing an open letter. And, that makes me even more angry.

Let me tell you something else–open letters written to the person who judged you at the grocery store/neighbor’s dog/kid in your daughter’s class/inanimate object/first-time Mom, or fall leaves in your backyard–you might think life is amazing because 23,254 people read your letter, but the truth is, it will pass, and then you will just be an old cliche that’s already been said and done. Sad isn’t it? I have hope though. Maybe by me writing this letter to all you, I will finally be taken seriously. Because open letters mean business. Know what I mean, friends? Heh. I’m one of you now.

I know you just want to fix this problem of judging, barking, bullying, just sitting there, mothering, or having too much fall in your backyard, but this open letter thing really has become a problem. And, I’m glad my open letter is shedding some light on the issue. I can only dream that someone will write a response letter to my open letter that will shed even MORE light and possibly cause a true change in the open letter world.

Because, I know that is what you are all after. Change. You do-gooders, and controversy starters, and comedians. Oh, the irony! We are a lot more alike than you think. You want change. And, so do I.

Love,

Me.

*And since Wikipedia is good for a lot of things, it provides a clear definition of an open letter for those of you who might be wondering what the heck I’m talking about: “An open letter is a letter that is intended to be read by a wide audience, or a letter intended for an individual, but that is nonetheless widely distributed intentionally.”