Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Kyle

Anything Can Happen Child. Anything Can Be.

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You know how to wake a sleeping baby or get a 4 year old to stop watching TV? Start a blog post. We’ll see if my little guy is awake before I hit publish.

Today is a rainy day. And, it’s fogging my brain up. I was trying to think of a blog post I wanted to write, and I have a jumbled up mess in my  head. I want to lay down and take a nap, but instead, I spent way too long ordering a necklace for myself off of Etsy, looking at Pinterest to see how I’m failing as a homemaker, and trying to figure out twitter (again). Seriously, I don’t get it. But, I’m learning.

When I picked Kyle up from preschool today, his first words to me were, “Every fingerprint is different”

I replied, “Were you learning about fingerprints today?”

He laughed in a way that lets me know he is super happy. He is loving his new preschool. He says in a silly, exasperated tone, “No! I learned that I am unique! You know what unique means?”

I said, “Why don’t you tell me.”

He says, “It means I am special.”

“You are special, buddy”

Since he started preschool, I’ve seen a change in him. At his old preschool last year he told me almost daily that he didn’t want to go. He was attending preschool at an elementary school in a very structured classroom organized by the school district. It was our second choice because our first choice (the one he’s in now) was already booked when I finally realized it was time to sign him up for something. I was devastated because I wanted so bad for him to go to the same teacher Avery had. She loved her teacher like a Grandma, and she memorized quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson for crying out loud.

But, when I missed the boat last year, I signed him up for this year a year in advance. I wasn’t going to miss the boat again.

When I used to pick him up from his old preschool, I was met with a kid that was told that he couldn’t get a snack today because everyone wasn’t listening, or it was “really hot in there”, or he didn’t know what he learned that day. Rarely did he exclaim with excitement over something he learned like he is doing now.

He definitely didn’t share quotes with me at dinner like, “Anything can happy child. Anything can be. By Shel Silverstein”

We’re all enjoying preschool this year. A lot more. And learning that you are unique and special is what every four year old should be concentrating on.  Not some standardized test that shows whether or not they can point to the right picture of a baseball.

In fact, I wish his teacher could teach him until he goes to college. She is just that special.

And, as I think about that simple concept of teaching kids to be happy, know they are special and unique, and have a positive outlook on life, I wonder…..what happened to my confidence, self-esteem and optimism? I’m sure I had it at some point.

But, the beauty of life is that you never stop learning. And, that is one of the things I’m most grateful for as a mother. I’m learning all over again about the simplicities in life, how special it is to be unique, and that I need to know who I am, be confident in it, and quiet the voices outside of me who are telling me that I’m anything but special. Because those voices can be found anywhere. Those voices stifle the voice deep inside that tells us that we are something important. As unique as the fingerprint God gave us.

And, those voices of negativity are much easier to listen to.

But, when you have kids, you look at them and you want them to love themselves. You know what to say to give them confidence. You know how to coach them through a difficult situation with a friend. You know how to tell them to believe in themselves. No matter what anyone else says. Because you love your children with a depth that is hard to explain to an outsider. But, somewhere along the path we forgot to say it to ourselves.

So, the question I will ask myself when a difficulty arises in my life is, “How would you tell Avery or Kyle or Chandler to handle this situation if it was them fighting with a friend, or being hurt by someone they love”

None of us would tell our kids to dwell on the negative aspects of the situation, or tell themselves that they are a failure because so and so says so. We wouldn’t say, “Well maybe you aren’t good enough to believe in yourself” No mother in her right mind would do that. So, I’m not going to do it to myself either.

It will be a battle, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth fighting.

Wow. This is turning into a self-affirmations speech quickly. And, wouldn’t you know, the baby is awake begging for my attention.

The truth is, I lost that feeling of self-worth somewhere, but I feel it coming back to me one day at a time. These little people I’m raising are raising me too. To be the person I once believed I was. Special. Unique. Worth it.

 

 

 

 

 


4 Comments

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Comments

  1. lisajohnsonsawyer says

    September 13, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Happy children come from happy families.
    Good job momma!

    Frame that uniqueness – he and his siblings are unique. Stand proud of all that you have done. You are worthy.

    Reply
  2. servantsister says

    September 14, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Gorgeous post. I so feel you. I feel like I’ve really lost who I am these last few years, so this post has really touched my heart. I have a similar post bubbling away inside me, then you beat me to it! But you seem to articulate feelings I can relate to in a much better way. I really admire that! I know you’ve felt self-doubt about your writing, but please don’t stop, I love your blog x

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      September 14, 2013 at 7:05 pm

      You always leave me the best comments!! I’m flattered. Thank you!!

      Reply

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  1. Believe in Yourself like a Reality TV Star | Perfection Pending says:
    October 11, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    […] experience that I would tell my children to just believe. Believe that they are good. Believe that they are unique. Believe that they can do anything they set their mind to.   But, why wasn’t I telling […]

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
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