So, I’ve been watching this high quality TV show online called, Ready for Love. It’s a dating show on crack, so to speak. Anyway, there is this one girl on there that uses humor as her defense mechanism a lot. She frequently is self-deprecating, and the matchmakers who act as “mentors” for these poor girls that put themselves through this, keep giving her a really hard time about how she is constantly putting herself down in order to crack a joke. Needless to say, I love her and find it quite endearing. Probably because I tend to do the same thing.
And, I’m about to do it again. We’ll see if you find it endearing, or if you think it makes me look sad and depressed (for the record, I’m not).
But, after I wrote this post yesterday, I re-read it and immediately hated it. Then, I went on to coming close to a nervous breakdown around dinner time, and felt like a hypocrite. My youngest is seriously a mess when it comes to meal time, and with my other two fighting in the backyard about who had the biggest stick, and how so and so is not sharing their bike with me (even though I have my own bike), while tears ensued from ALL THREE CHILDREN, I felt like I was going to lose it. I took lots of deep breaths, thought about how that post was all sappy sweet and positive, and frankly, I just got more annoyed at myself.
Do you ever just annoy yourself? I do.
I’m not talking about when you don’t like something about yourself like your big butt or whatever, I’m talking about when you are just annoyed at something you do or say. I don’t know exactly what I’m describing here (which is also annoying me), but let me ramble a bit, K?
For example, I frequently am talking to my sister and laugh in a way that I find super annoying. And, I think, “How do other people not get annoyed at that laugh!??? It’s annoying me.” And, don’t even get me started on how my voice sounds when I hear it on a recording!!
I’m sure there are lots of examples, but sometimes, I read the stuff I write on this blog, and later, it annoys me. I don’t want to delete it because it is true to how I felt in the moment, or maybe it’s just my way of thinking out loud. Ahem. I do that a lot. How annoying, I know.
I don’t consider myself a super positive person. I don’t really think I’m that negative either, but somewhere in the middle. I like to think of myself as an analyzer, and a realist.
But, I find that it can be really annoying when I am positive to my typically not so positive self the next day. Or apparently, the next hour as in my case yesterday.
Sure, I can be self-reflective about this whole mothering gig, and write beautiful thoughts that sometimes even inspire people. But, then I face the reality of being a Mom in the 4-6 pm hours of the day, and I want to kill that self-reflective, positive goody two shoes. Because I often get frustrated and feel like, “Why can’t I just be blogging Meredith in real life?”
Ha.
But, before you all think that maybe when I am being super positive and writing beautiful thoughts, that I am not being authentic, I am!!! (Split personalities much?).
And, I guess that’s the part that annoys me.
Whew. I’m glad I got all that out. Moving on.
Someone please tell me that you annoy yourself too?
I always think I’m totally awesome, but I’m also cognizant of the fact that I can be super annoying to other, mostly stupid people. 😉
ha. Self-confidence is a good thing, I guess.
I annoy myself all of the time!! You’re not alone. On a daily basis. And sometimes with my own blog too, but I usually delete them because they’re soo annoying!! Maybe we should try to be easier on ourselves??? But the fact that I even suggest that,annoys me too sometimes….it’s never ending. Maybe the better question is when are we not annoyed with ourselves?? When are we proud? Not outwardly, but inwardly??? Those are rare times for me.
True! And, it IS a never ending cycle. I want to be more positive, but then when I am, I find it annoying. Does that mean I’m a bad person and just want to be a cynical bitter old hag? Ugh. I don’t know.
Haha it annoys me that I annoy myself. I can totally relate, some days I just need to take a step back and breathe and remind myself no ones perfect. Btw, I was totally watching Ready For Love too but I thought it was cancelled! I can’t find it anywhere. :/
nbc.com!!! And, they have an app where you can watch it on your phone, or wherever. Totally free. So, I spent this weekend catching up!
Hi Meredith – I’m new to your blog and am really liking it! I get this post so much. Love the dichotomy btwn self-reflective, positive, uplifting blogger and the ‘realist/cynic’ a few hours later. That’s how I feel w/my blog too sometimes. They’re both me and it’s hard to explain. Glad you could find the words! (And yes, I annoy myself. And yes, I watched Ready for Love too. Why didn’t that show catch on? Was it the pyramid of women? Or the garden for good-byes? I did actually love the matchmakers and a couple of the guys. )
Thanks for stopping by! What? You don’t like the garden and the pyramid!? Oh and I am totally watching it online now. Have you stopped?? It’s getting really good! Yes I’m a little bipolar around here but I hope you stick around!
I annoy myself because I can’t stop overanalyzing. I spent 2 and half hours huddled up in secret (after my husband went to bed, of course, because it would have annoyed the crap out of him) pouring over the new DSM-5 classifications of Autism and the new Social Communication Disorder. Then, when I read a few warnings that with a brand new diagnosis like SCD that insurance companies may not recognize it for a few years. Then I cried for half an hour.
Nothing has even happened yet and I’m crying. I was so annoyed with myself. 😉
ha! Glad I’m not the only one who does research in secret only to panic about it later! (also in secret)
I was fine until I did it. I . Have. Got. To. Stop. Lol 🙂
I wouldn’t say I annoy myself…. but I do confuse myself on a daily basis. There are some things that I just cannot figure out how I feel about them – and I can’t stop thinking about them!
And that doesn’t annoy you!?? 😉
ALL. THE. TIME. Like right now. Why did I reply to you like I’m out of breath? I hate it when people put periods between words to emphasize them.
Oh. My. Gosh. I do too.
I did a post once and almost immediately rage quit blogging and told everyone to unfollow it, it was so terrible. I even told everyone that I jumped the shark.
I annoy myself all the time. When I replay conversations in my head, I want to cringe. ‘Did I really say that’. When I read a story that I have written, I cringe too, I think its a natural thing to do and shows that a person is self-reflecting, that can’t be a bad thing
Yeah I guess it is natural. But it’s still annoying right!? 🙂
All the time! This post really resonated with me. I started my blog as a way of being more ‘real’, if that makes any sense, but I feel like I always use humour as a safety net. And for once I’m not using it in a comment, which is…kind of annoying. (Ah, there it is.)
Ha! Well I get it.
I just nominated you for one of them blogger awards, because you’re good enough and smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you! http://dirtyrottenparenting.com/2013/05/22/acceptance-speech/
Thank you!
I annoy myself all the time. And then I get annoyed that I annoy myself. Don’t worry; you are not alone. Also, though, you are not annoying 🙂
Thanks!!! But I am definitely annoying I me. 🙂
That ecard, it’s perfect.
Pretty much all ecards are perfect!!
All. The. Time. 🙂
Thinking of you!
Hmmmm…..over analytical…..AND a “realist”? Who does that sound like?
Yeah, I annoy myself, too. Sometimes I’ll purposely read or watch stuff that I know will upset me and I’m not sure why. I’m not a social justice warrior. I’m not confrontational at all and I’m hesitant to call people out even when they’re wrong. Sometimes I go around online lurking around forums and blogs looking for validation because I don’t think I got enough validation from my parents during my teenage years. I could go into a long, sad story about that but don’t really want to.
This entire post is a heckin mood.
Especially the split personalities part, I just want to scream “Just pick a SIDE!” at my brain.
Like, just pick something, honestly because like, look if I’m confused and irritated and angry with this bs, what’s everyone else thinking?
I just feel like I’m constantly contradicting myself until I’m not sure who tf I am, and honestly I just want to grab as many people as I can and ask them, “Who do you think I am?” so I can piece together a semblance of a normal me, because I sure as heck don’t know what that would be.
This is one post that is totally Me! I annoy myself almost all the time and you seem to be my twin. Sigh. I tell you how laborious it becomes to overthink about some stuff you did, all the while knowing that what you are doing/saying is only a reaction. I think that happens when you possess too much of self awareness.
This post is like 7 years old but resonates with me so much. Thanks for writing the post. Realist is just the word!