OK. I know that they mean the same thing. But, Housewife?
Here’s what I picture when I hear that word. 50’s women wearing poodle skirts and pearls. Perfect houses. Stepford Wives. You get the idea. I certainly don’t picture me. (the frazzled mom roaming around the grocery store with two kids just trying to find that one last thing on her list) But, I guess technically I’m a housewife because I’m a stay at home Mom.
The reason why I hate this word is because it implies I am married to my house. And, let’s be real. I kind of am. I feel like the house controls me and my decisions daily. Do I leave the kitchen dishes crusting on the table while I try to get to the store earlier to fill my pantry that is bare, or do I clean them now, go to the store later, and risk the baby falling asleep on the way home which will screw up his nap, and probably my whole day?
I have to make decisions every day like, Do I wipe up that salad dressing that the baby pulled out of the fridge and broke on my kitchen floor with a paper towel hoping to get the chance to mop later? (which you know I will not do…at least not today) OR Do I skip swiping with a clorox wipe my bathroom counters before company comes over and risk them seeing how my bathroom really looks most days? OK, that’s an obvious one.
Do I play with the kids for 15 minutes, but have to stay up late folding laundry?
Do I cook dinner and make a huge mess in the kitchen that I just cleaned up from breakfast, or do we just go out? Again.
The truth is, being a housewife kinda sucks. I do however love being a stay at home Mom. I like that term a LOT better.
I was having a recent
argument discussion with my husband the other day about chores. I was trying to explain to him how I like my job, but I hate it too. He was trying to understand my point which was that I couldn’t stand the clutter and the messes. I can’t keep up with it all on my own. I feel overwhelmed by the household tasks on almost a daily basis. And I feel like it keeps me from doing better things. I would much rather be doing a craft with my kids than mopping my kitchen floor. But, 99% of the time, I choose the chore. Because I can’t live in a messy space.
I used an analogy that I thought he could relate to. I suggested that maybe he loves his job. Loves saving lives and all that good stuff that comes with being in the medical field. But, one part of his job is that he has to do charting everyday. He HATES charting. But, he has to do it. It is part of his job. But, wouldn’t he love it if a colleague of his came up to him and said, “Hey, I’ll help you with your charting today so you can go home a little earlier” or better yet, “I’ll do your charting for you.”
I know that the meals, the cleaning, and the laundry are my responsibility. It is a HUGE part of my job. I made that choice when we decided I would be that stay at home mom. But, that aspect of my job I hate. And, I just wish someone would do it for me OK?
My point is, I can see why some women would rather divorce than become a “housewife”. If we see our jobs from an outsider’s perspective we might just see the cleaning, and laundry, and cooking. But, we would miss a whole lot of wonderful things too.
You just might miss the fact that….
I get to be home for the first steps, the first words, the first time figuring something out. I am always here for every milestone. A luxury my husband (who is the breadwinner) doesn’t get.
You might miss the moments of seeing my kids say I love you to each other. Or hug each other for no reason at all.
You might not see the thoughtful note from the 6 year old that just says, “I love you Mom. You do good things”. She may have had someone else in her life that she would have expressed that to. Instead, I am always here. It is me that she wants to say that to.
You don’t see all the welcome home from school hugs I get or the snuggles from the 4 year old boy that is usually not sitting still.
You would miss seeing me teach my child a valuable lesson “in the moment” and the satisfaction I feel the next time they make the better choice.
You would miss the feelings I get when I get to comfort a child that gets hurt at the playground. Not someone else. But, ME.
And many of the benefits that I believe are happening in my family as a result of me being a stay at home Mom I don’t see yet. And you most definitely don’t. That is where faith comes in. My role is more than a societal one. I feel it is an important calling from the Almighty himself.
Sure, I have bad days. I’ve been blogging about them a lot lately. But I push forward thinking that the benefits to me staying home are not all right in front of me at this moment. If I had to look at just what was happening in my house today, there might be a very good chance I would walk out the door, and walk into the first place that would hire me.
I had the desire for a career. To become a Family Therapist. Or, Forensic Psychologist. But, the truth is I wanted kids more. And, once that decision was made, nothing else mattered.
I knew where I wanted to be. Sure, I long for the days where I’m not wiping bums and mouths all day long. But, I know they will come again. For right here, and right now, I know being in my home is where I’m supposed to be.
I am all for women choosing what they want and what is right for their family. Maybe they have no choice at all. I recognize that. And, feel blessed that I do. I know the job isn’t perfect, but it isn’t all that bad either.