Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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It’s SNOT Funny

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We’ve had a good long stretch of no sickness around here. In fact, it’s been almost exactly 3 months. When you have three kids, that is a miracle in and of itself. While my Mom was here, she got a cold, and of course, the kids came down with it too. It’s OK. We were due.

Colds, I can handle. I would rather my kids have a cold than anything else, really. But, when Kyle gets them, it takes things to a whole new level. And, by things, I’m talking specifically about my patience in dealing with him during a cold. In fact, the last time he got a cold back in April, I took a couple of pictures. Just so I could remember the craziness that is my little Kyle when he gets sick.

Image

 

You might be inclined to look at those pictures and think, “Poor thing!” or if you’re from the south, “Bless his heart”. In fact, my mother gave me several looks of scorn while she was here because she wanted me to DO something. He was so miserable. Of course, I believe, 100% that he is miserable. Everyone is miserable when they have a cold. Don’t think I have no sympathy. I do. LOTS of it.

The problem is that when his nose runs, the water works flow from his eyes which either leads to licking of his lips causing a red ring around his mouth, or his current habit instead of licking his lips; is sucking on his fingers. These little nervous ticks he develops all because of a runny nose are enough to make a person crazy!

You see, my big, 4 1/2 year old kid has the physical capability of blowing his nose. He’s done it before. On multiple occasions. But, instead of blowing, he has resorted to the following behavior:

Grab a kleenex, wipe once, throw it on the ground. Repeat 500 times.

So, we fixed that problem by giving him a wet rag that he carries around in a bowl. That helps the sores from developing on his nose from the constant wiping.

And, since we’ve been in this house for several days without any fun activity because of the move, I thought it would be fun to walk to the park that is two blocks from our house. I was going to have Kyle and Avery ride their bikes, but then I thought of the nose wiping problem, and decided he would be in the stroller.

After a painstaking hour of trying to get 3 kids to get ready, it was time to get Kyle to blow his nose and apply sunscreen. Two dreaded tasks when you are 4 and are named Kyle.

For a solid 30 minutes I sat on his bed trying to remain calm as I coached him through both tasks. We had to do a LOT of deep breathing (both of us) just to apply the sunscreen. He keeps his eyes closed so tight, and tears stream down his face. Then, the nose starts running. So, I ask him to blow it which causes him to cry even harder. Which of course produces more snot. There is stomping of feet, and heaving sobs, and a Mom who is trying, against all odds, to remain patient and calm. We finally get a good blow of the nose. Then, I have to finish putting the sunscreen on his face, which starts the whole cycle over again.

I almost lose it.

In fact, I maybe did lose it a little. So, to make up for it, I give him a nice long hug to help calm him down. And, guess what he did? Started crying again. I finally left him in his room alone while I took the other two outside to calm down. And, prayed he would too.

I looked him in the eyes as tears streamed down his face and felt so helpless. What am I doing wrong?!! Sometimes I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing different for this kid. Someone please tell me you have a kid that you just don’t quite “get” yet. That you still struggle with how to make them feel loved, and special when you feel like all of the attention is going to them anyway? Because they are maybe the one that needs the most?

I just can’t figure out why blowing your nose is so horrible? I LOVE blowing my nose. I mean, seriously, I LOVE IT. It just feels amazing after. I know I’m not four, but still, why is blowing his nose like chinese water torture?

I have figured out some things. Like, I know that one thing that really speaks to him is to feel needed, and to feel like he is helping. So, I try to give him opportunities to do and feel those two things, but there is so much more that I feel like I should be doing to get this kid to trust me in the simplest task like blowing his nose. I have always felt like perhaps he has some sensory issues, but I have always felt that they weren’t severe enough to really worry, or treat him differently. But, then he gets sick, and I question whether or not I should be doing more.

I couldn’t help but feel defeated, like all of this is for what? Taking them to the park so they don’t sit in front of the TV all day? I push two, not so light weight kids in a stroller in the 95 degree heat to the park. We lasted about 10 minutes and then came back home.

Now, I need a nap. When I have about five million and one things to do.

 

 


8 Comments

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Comments

  1. mithriluna says

    July 10, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I totally can relate to your frustration. During different seasons and different ages, I almost always have a kid I don’t quite “get”, the one whom I am not entirely sure how to love (that includes my grown up ones).
    From your post, I would say you are doing a good job loving your 4 year old. “Prayer and patience and loads of hugs” has been my quick answer to younger moms and I can see you are trying your best. Don’t get down on yourself if you lose it from time to time. Caring for a sick 4 year old is quite a challenge but you will get through it. Keep smiling.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      July 10, 2013 at 2:14 pm

      Thanks! I’m sure my other two will go through a stage eventually where I don’t “get” them either. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Kylie Hipp says

    July 10, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Oh my goodness! You described exactly how I feel with my son, right down to the nose blowing. He will be 5 next week. I have had a lot of moments where I just don’t get it with him. I feel your pain! I wish there was a magic way of understanding their sweet little boy souls.

    Congratulations on your new house! The backyard is amazing! How is Chandler doing with food? Is he still on Alimentum?

    Reply
  3. Elizabeth says

    July 10, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    I HATE it when my son won’t blow his nose! He is 3.5 and has been able to do it for a year, but every cold it becomes a huge power struggle. I really hate it when he agrees to blow, I hold the tissue to his nose, and then he just doesn’t do it. I’m standing there like a chump, hunched over, and ignoring the crying baby, just to wait and HOPE he will blow his snot into my hand. ARGH! 😉

    Reply
  4. Nicole says

    July 11, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Wow, I can’t believe how much I can relate to your post. I have a daughter, who I love SO much and have such a hard time ‘getting’. My son- I just understand, but I don’t know why its different. My daughter is a healthy thriving 6 year old; but I know she has sensory issues, I call ‘sensory sensitivities’ because she certainly can function, but boy is it difficult. I have actually advocated for some OT services for her and it has helped. Then I felt guilty in a way because there are so many other children who need the service with severe/debilitating issues. OT did help her manage the everyday tasks that are easy for people who can process more effectively. Good luck and hang in there:)

    Reply
  5. Kate Ogden says

    July 12, 2013 at 6:54 am

    I can totally relate to that feeling of going above and beyond, like going to the park, only having it all crash around you.

    Reply
  6. Carrie says

    July 15, 2013 at 10:27 am

    Meredith, my son has some sensory issues. He’s been going to OT for almost a year and it has really helped. If you really think he has even mild SPD, look into it. Our OT told me that most kids will eventually figure things out on their own, but it is much harder on them and their families. Call me if you want to chat about it.

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

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