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By Meredith Ethington

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Showing Up and Being Seen

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My Mom shared an article from O magazine with  me yesterday. It was an interview Oprah did with Dr. Brene Brown. The universe (by way of good friends and family) has been telling me to read this woman’s stuff for a few months now. After reading her interview with Oprah, her book has jumped to the top of my list.

My Mom knew that there has been some critique and criticism that has come from this blog of mine, and that maybe I could relate. Oh, you bet I could. Read the interview yourself, here. There was so much of the interview that I found myself wanting to scream out, YES!!! to in light of some of my own personal life experiences lately.

This woman had a TED talk about vulnerability that has become wildly popular (also on my to-do list now), and apparently, as a result of that popularity, has come some harsh criticism too. The article talks a lot about how our society has changed in a transparent culture of social media. That we are actually hiding behind the comforts of social media. Yep. I believe it.

Without going into the entire article, I share with you the quote from Theodore Roosevelt that she says changed her life, and it has a lot of meaning to me personally as it relates to this blog.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…. [And] if he fails, at least fails while Daring Greatly.”

She goes on to say in her interview why it impacted her so much:

“And I also realized, “Oh my gosh—this describes everything I’ve ever learned about vulnerability.” It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about showing up and being seen. And the third thing, which was really helpful, is that from that second forward I made a commitment that if you are not in the arena getting your butt kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in your feedback. Period. Oprah: Whoa. Brené: Anonymous comments? You’re not in the arena, man.”

So, how does this relate to me? Well, this little blog of mine is all about showing up and being seen. I am not perfect. I am not the model of motherhood by any means, but I am opening up. I share my life, as I see it. I feel that by being “out there” for the world to see, I am vulnerable. But, she does warn about sharing too much. It’s a fine line to walk, for sure. Some people don’t ever want to put themselves out there like I do. And, that’s fine for them. But, being vulnerable shows strength. Showing others that I am NOT perfect requires courage. Working on myself as a mother, I believe, shows the Most Important One that I am in the arena doing my best. Writing, helps me work on myself.

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My little writing break has also been nice. I’ve wanted to sit down on multiple occasions during my move and complain, or just get out the negativity I was feeling in any given moment, but, I wasn’t able to. And, I’m still OK. If anything, it taught me that not everything has to be voiced.

Motherhood is all about daring greatly too, isn’t it? We don’t know what the future holds. We can be scared to death by fear of something happening to these people that we love with so much vulnerability that it hurts. We know we aren’t perfect, but we keep showing up in the arena every day to do our best. That, my friends, also takes courage. It comes naturally to some, and to others, it is a blood, sweat, and tears sort of thing. But, to all of us, it is a leap of faith that we are doing the best we can with what we have been given. So, why are we so hard on each other when we are all showing up in that arena every single day? Makes absolutely no sense to me.

All I know is that I’m grateful that so many of you are showing up with me, and cheering me on in the arena. It always feels good to have supporters. Some I know personally, and love dearly, others will only be virtual friends, but you’re still friends because you aren’t afraid to show up and be seen either.


9 Comments

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Comments

  1. TraceyLynnTobin says

    July 8, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Loved this post. Loved the quote, loved the explanation, and loved your reaction to it.

    For years I struggled with the vulnerability that comes with striving to become a published author. While I love to write I feared ever actually submitting something to an agent or a publisher because I was terrified of the rejection. But one day I decided that it doesn’t matter how many times I get rejected, or how many harsh criticisms I receive…what matters is the feeling of joy I get when someone reads what I’ve written and ENJOYS it. If I only ever sell a single book, and the buyer of that single book tells me that they enjoyed it, I will be happy. To hell with everyone else. 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      July 9, 2013 at 8:53 am

      Loved this comment! So true. If you can help one person, that is what we should all be focusing on!

      Reply
      • TraceyLynnTobin says

        July 10, 2013 at 6:26 am

        I think too many people are focused on becoming rich and famous. It’s okay to want these things, but you also have to realize, however much it might sting, that these things are unlikely no matter how hard you try. A more reasonable (and less stressful) approach is to aim for “fans”. If you can convince one person that you’re the greatest, that news will spread. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 🙂

        Reply
        • fakingpictureperfect says

          July 10, 2013 at 9:42 am

          Ha! I like it.

          Reply
  2. Rayna Drago says

    July 8, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    Nicely said my friend. 🙂 Great post.

    Reply
  3. mkstump says

    July 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    Love this post. 🙂

    Reply
  4. samuel says

    July 19, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Hi, I’ve been recently a lurker about your blog for a couple months. I enjoy this article along with your entire website! Looking forward to reading more!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 10 Things I’ve Learned from Having 7 Blogs in 6 Years. | Perfection Pending says:
    May 27, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    […] for were the comments from friends and family. You know, real-life people. Opening yourself up takes courage. Even people who think they know you might hear and read things that changes their opinion of you. […]

    Reply
  2. 10 Things I've Learned from Having 7 Blogs in 6 Years. - Perfection Pending says:
    August 22, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    […] for were the comments from friends and family. You know, real-life people. Opening yourself up takes courage. Even people who think they know you might hear and read things that changes their opinion of you. […]

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
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Meredith Ethington
Definitely true for me. ❤️ Definitely true for me. ❤️
"I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the "I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the time, or even most of the time for that matter. I think you can have a growth mindset and not gaslight yourself into always looking on the bright side and saying everything terrible that happens in life is an opportunity for growth.

There has to be a middle ground."

Read my latest. Link in profile.
I agree. 😂 @chasemit I agree. 😂 @chasemit
"I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers t "I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers to them like I am to myself. 
If I'm being honest - sometimes I feel like I'm 15 different mothers.

I'm patient, loving, and kind. I'm creative and dull.

I'm happy and dancing in the kitchen one minute, and begging for a nap and to be left alone the next minute. 

Sometimes, I wonder if they'll remember the tears I had for no reason at all. Sitting on the couch feeling empty and sad. They come and give me hugs unsolicited as I cry. I am depressed and overwhelmed. I wonder if they will remember that version of me?"

I hope you'll read my latest. ❤️
Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this lesson too. 
Life is hard and we often make so many big decisions based on EMOTIONS. Instead we need to get curious about the why behind that emotion. Are we scared, sad, anxious, angry? Whatever it is - feeling and emotions are not "bad" or "good." In fact we control very little about them! 
So if we can learn to SLOW down when we feel them and get curious that's the first step to figuring out the why behind them. Then we move forward and act  AFTER we've felt. 
It's a lesson I'm still learning and hope my kids will learn a lot faster then me. 

If you like convos like these join me over on substack. 🙏

#emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawareness #momlife #feelings #parentinglikewhoa
😂😂😂 It's me. 😂😂😂 It's me.
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Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇 "In 2018, Busin Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇
"In 2018, Business Insider published an article reporting that one study concluded that it took roughly 200 hours to make a close friend. Ouch.

And before you can consider someone even a casual friend? At least a 50 hour investment. YIKES.

Is it any wonder that making mom friends is so hard? Moms are busy. We’re exhausted. We’re overwhelmed. We have chores and jobs and responsibilities. Investing 200 hours into someone is, well, a lot.

Honestly at the end of a long day with kids, the last thing I want to do is invest time talking. I’ve talked all day. I just want silence.

But, it sounds like the return on our investment could come through in a big way (hello living longer and having a bitch buddy!) Those rewards are big if we can make the time and put in the effort.

Because close relationships have bigger rewards than casual ones."

Learn all about why making friends is important, why we all want them, and how it can actually lower our cortisol. Check out my latest on S U B S T A C K. :)
Here are three things everyone needs to know about Here are three things everyone needs to know about kindness that are important to your mental health. 

1. Kindness does not mean you don't have boundaries. So often we do things for the sake of being kind even when we don't want to. Kindness does not equal saying yes all the time. Learning to say no is like a muscle you need to exercise to get better at it. Saying no doesn't automatically mean you are unkind. 

2. Kindness doesn't look like self betrayal. Ever. If you do something that you don't want to do because you're afraid of exercising that saying no muscle - you'll end up struggling with your own mental health. Listen to your gut and trust when kindness feels meaningful to you and when it feels like an obligation. 

3. Kindness to yourself is just as important as any external kindness you are showing to the world. In fact - I would argue that it's the most important way to have balance and good mental health. 

"Be kind" is a mantra these days and it's a good one. But know what kindness is. It's when you're moved to do something for someone else but that doesn't mean you abandon yourself in the process. 

If anything - true kindness to others should help you feel more connected to yourself ❤️ 

#kindness #bekindtoyourself #mentalhealth #selfcare
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Ooof. This hit hard. Ooof. This hit hard.
"We are parenting in an age full of information th "We are parenting in an age full of information thrown at us on how to be the best parent.
We’re constantly told to do more with our kids. Educate faster and earlier. Get them in sports by three or they won’t make the team when they get to high school.

How could we possibly accomplish all that and NOT helicopter? Do preschoolers know how to research the best preschools and sign up for T-ball on their own all while making a free range chicken dinner (that you don’t heat up in a plastic container, btw)?

And, what about the worries we have of keeping them safe from school shootings, pornography, social media, and too much screen time?

I’m told not to take my child his homework when he forgets it, but I’m also told to make sure he has enough AP classes and good grades to get into a good college. 

I’m told not to let them roam freely outside because the world is a scary place and for sure someone could kidnap them, but I’m also told that kids today need more fresh air.

So, when exactly am I supposed to get housework done and my job done, too if I have to sit outside watching my kids ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk?

The demands on mothers today are confusing to say the least. We get mixed messages constantly.

The truth is — I’m stressed out.

I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but I also don’t know how NOT to be and get everything done that parents today are expected to do." 

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Being proud of calm days because you know you’re calming your kids’ nervous systems by being calm yourself. 
Hang in there mamas. We’re doing it. 
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I’m allll about this power move at this stage of I’m allll about this power move at this stage of my life. People are having their own experience independent of me and are going to have their own assumptions, feelings, and actions about me. That’s just life. My advice? Just keep doing your thing and the people that know the real you and get to be in your safe space are the lucky ones. 
Make sure to check out my post from yesterday about self betrayal too in case you missed it. #selflove #selfvalidation #peaceofmind #safespace
"My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked "My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked like ignoring my intuition or quieting my own voice.
For you, it might look like “being nice” even when you’re being walked all over. Even when you’re mad at yourself afterward. For someone else, it might look like conforming. This happens in situations like the time one of my kids participated in something she told me ahead of time she didn’t want to do and then she fell apart afterward.

What self-betrayal looks like can be different for everyone.

Sometimes it’s a conscious thing we do and other times it might be a subtle habit we do to keep others around us happier than we are ourselves because of a trauma response.

It could look like being the people pleaser, or the peacemaker because that’s the role we had to play in a volatile household growing up.

The cost of self-betrayal is high though.
The cost of self-betrayal is that we no longer belong to ourselves. And if we first don’t belong to ourselves, we certainly can’t truly belong anywhere else."

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What self-betrayal means. I hope you'll read it. New post in my substack.
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These things are not selfish. 
They are how you return home to yourself.
Swipe right to see what I’ve been working on and how you can start belonging to yourself again. 
Which one resonates? Which one do you struggle with?
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