Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Avery Chandler Kyle

Love Letters to My Three Little Valentines

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Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought it might a good time to write a little love note to each child. I’ve been really negative lately, so thought I would mix it up and share some happy thoughts. (Plus, I’m leaving all of my kids to go on an airplane, and for a morbid thought…if the worst should happen….) Here’s a letter to each of my children as I feel about them today.

Dear Avery,

I love you so much. My first born, and my only girl. You make me proud in so many ways. You are an excellent reader and I’m so proud of that. And, good at math too? You are the type of girl that can have it all. I know it. You are a hard worker in school, and when you make your mind up to do something at home you work hard at that too. And you write the most amazing fiction stories. I love hearing them.

You have become such a great helper to me since your littlest brother has been born. You are always willing to play with him, and entertain him for “just a minute” while I race to get something done. You seem to have lots of friends, and that makes me happy too. You have such a kind, sweet heart. You are sensitive and are often telling your brother, Kyle that he “hurt your feelings”. But, you are a great friend to him, too. I know he looks up to you so much and wants to be just like you.

One thing that I dreamed about when I wanted to have kids was having children that were beautiful on the inside. You are. You don’t seem to have a mean thought in your head and seem to always be thinking of ways to have fun. Being the oldest, I feel like I have made and probably will make a lot of mistakes with you. But, I know you’ll forgive me because that is just the type of person you are. When I tell you I made a mistake, you always instantly forgive me. I always joke with you about how we are the only girls in the house and so that makes you extra special. I know you want a little sister. And, while I ache for you that you won’t have a sister, I hope you know that I love how special it is to have you as my only girl. And your brothers are lucky to have the best big sister they could possibly want.

I can’t wait to watch you grow up. Your are so beautiful and I love how when I tell you never to change your hair color because it is the prettiest hair color anyone could have, you smile and promise me. Your eyes are to die for and I dread the day when you will start wearing make-up because then those eyes will become killer. You are still not a morning person, and that’s OK. Just keep being who you are. That is the most important. Know that you can do anything you want, and you are perfect to me and to your Heavenly Father. Keep being kind to others (as I know you will) and thank you for being an example to those around you. Especially your little brothers. I know you want your own room, and you will get that some day. But, thanks for being so accepting in the mean time. That is just you. If you can’t have something you want, you don’t dwell on it. But, you will always try to negotiate. You would make an excellent lawyer.

I hope above all else, you know I love you. I don’t always get to spend the quality time I want with you and that breaks my heart. But, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t special to me. Because you are. I love how you still call me Mama and give me the best hugs when I ask for them. I love squeezing you when you get home from school and feeling your cold cheeks against my face. I look at you and I see you growing up into a beautiful person. Both inside and out. I see little glimpses of the tween you will be, and I want you to know that I’m always here for you. I can’t wait until you ask my advice on the girly stuff. I know we always tell you that you look and act like your Grandma. That is a good thing. She was a very special lady and we love seeing her in you. But more than anything, I want you to know that I want you to be happy. I want you to feel comfortable being whoever YOU want to be. Don’t worry about what others think. Because it doesn’t matter. You are special and smart and kind and perfect just the way you are. I love you more than life.

Mama

Dear Kyle,

My first boy. Tonight I watched you write your name on Valentine’s cards for your friends in preschool. I can’t believe you can write your name! That is amazing to me. You are growing up fast. Will you stop please? OK, you don’t have to stop, but know that I love you being 4. I think it is the coolest age a kid can be.

You have an amazing talent in music. I am always impressed when you hear a song once and then I catch you singing the lyrics later in perfect pitch. I can’t even do that! You are a good dancer too. I like your air guitar move the most. It really is awesome. And, the way you move your feet now is getting to be pretty impressive.

One of my favorite things about you is your hugs. I think Heavenly Father knew how much I loved hugs, so He sent me YOU! I’m so lucky that I get lots of them every single day. And, I’ve told you before how you are my best snuggler. I like that you want me to sing you lullabys at night even though I don’t sing all that great, and I usually just sing the same one over and over. But, I’m glad you like it.

You are a good back scratcher. And, I love hearing you laugh. Your smile lights up the room, and you are so smart that I think you might be smarter than me! Your blue eyes are amazing and I love your spiky hair. But, I love most of all that you have a good heart. You like to make good choices. Lately, you have been wanting to help me in the kitchen. I think it is so important for boys to learn how to cook. I’m glad you like learning. I also like how much you love to eat!

You are my sensitive one. I can see the joy written all over your face in an instant, and the sadness that overwhelms you moments later when you get hurt, or sad. You are a lot like me in that way. But, you also are very good at helping me lately. When you make up your mind to clean your room, you do an awesome job. And, you have been doing amazing lately at getting dressed.

I love how you love to be silly. You are the one in the family that is always making me laugh. Keep doing it because I need to laugh a lot! You are doing more and more by yourself everyday and that makes me so proud. Your teachers say you are a good example to the other kids your age in your preschool class and I believe it.

I think you will always be a people person like me. You don’t like being alone, and always want to be where other people are. You are a good friend and are so good at sharing when your friends are over, and being nice to them when maybe they aren’t so nice back. I love how much you are all boy and love to do things like look at construction sites, ride a skateboard, and play with your cars. But, you are good at doing things with your sister like playing barbies when she wants to. As long as you have a friend to play with you don’t mind doing whatever they want to do. I’m so proud of you and how well you get along with others. You are really good at choosing the right.

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I can’t wait to watch you grow up and become an even bigger boy. I know that you will find lots of friends throughout your life because you are so caring and fun. Make sure that you always treat others with kindness and you will be happy. You have good ideas, and really like to think things through. You want to know how things work, and are very wise (which means you ask things that we may not be quite ready to explain just yet). But, one day soon enough you will learn it all. I’m so glad that you like to learn.

I would be really sad if you weren’t around to make our family so happy. I loved watching you give your sister a big bear hug today when we picked her up from school. You love her and your little brother so much and that is important. Loving others is very important and you are very good at it. I love you Kyle. Mucho Mucho. Thanks for letting me be your Mom.

Love,

Mommy

And this one I wrote this morning for the baby over at my families.com job. Copying here for memory’s sake.

Dear Chandler,

“I looked at you today as you stood all by yourself smiling from ear to ear and got a glimpse of the little boy you are becoming. I wanted to scream, “No! Not yet!” But, instead, I smiled with you to show you how proud I was that you were standing all on your own.

You fill my life with so much joy that it is hard to explain. Knowing that you are my last baby is hard on me sometimes, but more than anything, it helps me to savor each stage that you are in. Right now, you are such a delight. One thing that keeps me going on groggy mornings is seeing your smile when I get to go get you out of your crib in the mornings. I missed you while you were sleeping.

You communicate with your baby grunting and point to things that you see around you just waiting for me to explain what it is. You smile at everyone, and they can’t help but melt at your adorable smile.

You have cut 8 teeth in the past 3 months. I’m sorry. This last one that is coming in has obviously been hurting you really bad, and I hate to see you hurting. I have laughed many times at your silly smile with just 3 teeth on the bottom. That 4th one that has now broken through the gums is the one that has given you so much trouble. Luckily, you seem to get over things quickly, and move on to the next adventure.

You are getting more adventurous now. You have learned how to pull yourself up onto my bed. It is keeping me on my toes. But, I love watching you explore your world and figure things out. The look you get on your face when you finally achieve something that you were trying really hard to do is priceless.

We cut your floppy baby hair off. You look like such a big boy now. I can’t stand how big you are getting. I want to stop time almost every day for one reason or another and just enjoy making you laugh, tickling you, or watching you scarf down the food that you had been screaming at me to feed you for the past 20 minutes. Please, PLEASE don’t take your first steps while I’m out of town this weekend?

We can tell that you are a special person. You make us all laugh, and you love making us laugh. You are doing silly things on purpose to see what our reaction will be. Of course, you have us all enchanted. Including your brother and sister. They love you so much and we are grateful to have you in our family.

I just feel so blessed to be your Mom. There is just something special behind your smile and your big blue eyes that lets me know that you have so much that you are waiting to tell me and show me in the next few years. I can’t wait. Thank you for being such a sweet baby and letting me smother you with kisses. You just get this soft smile on your face when I do it that lets me know that you like it too. I love you more than you will ever know.

I look at you and I see the future. I see a person that will continue to bring happiness to those around him. You will always have that infectious personality, and I hope you will never lose that mischievous twinkle in your eye. I love you baby boy. Don’t grow up too fast.”

Love Your Mommy

I’m one blessed Mom to have 3 such amazing children. How did I get so lucky? And, just so you don’t think I don’t love my husband, I’ll save his for another post when I get back from my awesome trip he planned for me. I leave tomorrow! EEEEK!

Happy Valentine’s Day.


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Comments

  1. amberperea says

    February 13, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    Beautiful post and lovely pictures! I might/most likely will have to steal this idea from you!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      February 14, 2013 at 6:04 am

      Feel free. Spread the love! 😉

      Reply
  2. little poppits says

    February 14, 2013 at 5:09 am

    awww, gorgeous post and gorgeous cutie pie piccies. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      February 14, 2013 at 6:04 am

      Thank you!!!

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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