Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Inspiration

I Never Knew How Tired I Could Feel From Just Trying to Remember All The Things

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I joke all the time about being the hot mess mom. I can laugh at myself like the rest of the hot mess moms. I own it. Most of the time. But, the honest truth is that sometimes, I feel a lot of guilt about it when I can’t remember all the things that are required of me to remember.

I’m the one who is frantically calling a friend and asking them to help me out because I forgot what time soccer practice was, or the one who is all the way across town when school gets out on one of those random short days, that I forgot.

You’d think with the invention of smart phones, I’d be a little better at remembering. You’d think those little reminders would remind me. But, the truth is, sometimes, my brain is so full of to-do lists and things I have to remember, that sometimes I forget to even set the reminder. And, sometimes, I forget to take my phone off silent all day long, so I don’t even see those reminders until it’s too late.

Recently, I reminded my daughter that her piano lesson started in 30 minutes. We live next door to her teacher. So, it really shouldn’t be that hard. And, that’s what moms do. We remind everyone about everything.  Yet, I got busy fixing dinner, and her lesson came and went. We totally forgot, and I couldn’t help but get upset.

I yelled out to no one in particular, but to a room full of people, “I’m so sick of being the one that has to remember all the things!” Because I am sick of it. And, I’m sick at failing over and over to get my crap together.

My husband suggested that maybe we should quit piano if no one could remember it.

Wait. What? That’s the solution? Just quit?

Obviously, that didn’t go over too well in that moment, but like all married couples that don’t quite get what the other one has to deal with, we worked it out.

But, I couldn’t help but felt a little resentful in that moment. Why would no one help me remember? Why couldn’t my daughter remember? Why couldn’t my husband offer something more useful as a suggestion when I forgot?

All the remembering is making me tired. I’m tired of my kids waltzing through life not having to remember even what day of the week it is. I’m tired of being the one to remind them that if they don’t actually wash their clothes, they may not have any to wear the next day. I’m tired of the non-stop dialogue in my head with no one but myself and the non-stop effort it takes to just remember what day of the week it is some days.

There is no real solution here though. I can’t offer up advice to you to help you remember all the things, because obviously, I’m not doing that great of a job at it myself. But, what I can offer up is solidarity, and I can tell you that being the one that has to remember all the things is an important job, even if you sometimes feel like a walking, breathing calendar that is slightly broken because it often gets the date wrong.

So, if you’re reading this right now, chances are, you’re also going through a to-remember list. Because as I’m writing it, I remembered that today is the day I’m supposed to wash MY jeans so I have something to wear.

It also happens to be the day that I have to remember that it’s “walk to school day” at the elementary school, and the day I need to remind my kids that their oldest sister is staying late after school so they don’t have to wait for her.

It’s where I have to remember where I put that piece of paper that the county inspector needs to approve our home improvement project, and the day that I have to remember that I have an appointment at 2pm at the bank to settle some financial stuff.

It’s the day that I have to remember to make a plan for dinner, so the kids can get to piano on their make-up lesson, and also remember to make it home  in time to pick up kids from school.

I also have to remember to respond to work emails, and meet deadlines.

And, that’s just one day.

Today, I’m managing to remember all that I’m supposed to do (so far). And, that’s worth a pat on the back to myself. But, that list? Those are just the things I have to remember today. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I’m also trying to remember all the things that are coming up the rest of the week, month, and even next year.

I don’t blame anyone, really, I just never knew how tired I could feel from just trying to remember.

But, for now, I’m going to focus on today and be happy that I’m not forgetting anything yet. Because, frankly, I’m probably the only one that’s going through that mental list trying not to forget it all.


1 Comment

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Comments

  1. Melanie Bick says

    December 24, 2023 at 11:24 am

    Why is it your job to know that it’s walk to school day? Does the father of your children know it’s walk to school day? I see this day in and day out with working mothers. It is not your job to remind your husband that his mother‘s birthday is coming. It is not your job to make a plan alone for the children’s school activities. That’s a dual job and the mental load belongs to their father as much as it belongs to you. It makes me wonder if you were doing all of the meal planning and preparation. Why? Why are you the one who has that responsibility? It doesn’t mean that you won’t have a whole ton of things to remember do, but the load on most working mothers today is more than any human could accomplish. if your partner is not really partnering in every single one of those activities, you will be overwhelmed.

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
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Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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