I have a headache. I woke up with one today, tried some allergy medicine, and it still won’t go away. Even the precious Diet Coke won’t fix it.
So, my blog is kind of low priority lately. There is a lot to do (which is probably giving me the headache), and for some reason, I’m in complete denial that I’m moving in like two weeks. But, I want to write. I feel the need to write. But, all I can think about is how many boxes I have to pack, my lesson I have to teach in church on Sunday, the fact that I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for Kyle, closing on a house the next day, blah blah blah blah blah. I’ve got a lot of crap to do.
I have been patting myself on the back the past couple of days for my good mood, and my patience with the kiddos. And my productivity has been through the roof. But, this morning, I didn’t want to do a thing. Funny how that works huh? But, I got up and kept moving. And, today, my favorite search engine term was, “i’m sick of being positive pictures”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This still is making me laugh just thinking about it. And, it made me want to write something.
Do I ever get sick of being positive? Umm. Yes. Because, guess what? I really DO try to be positive. If you read this post, or this one, or this one, you will notice that I always at least try to wrap up on a positive note. But, in my head, it’s an every second battle.
Because, here’s a news flash, I’m not naturally an overly positive person. I’ve said before that I view myself as somewhere in the middle. I don’t want to see perfection. I want to see honesty. But, honesty can be ugly to some.
MAYBE, some people are perfectly positive. But, I am not.
Does this mean I’m miserable? No. In fact, I’m happy being me. When I’m allowed to be me. In fact, I’m happy being able to complain when I want. I’m happy being sarcastic. I’m not a mean person, I just like to not sugar coat things. I like it when I don’t have to fake perfection. I’m happy when I can say, “This sucks” and a friend, or family member laughs with me and says, “Yes. Yes it does.” Then, I can move on. And, realize that life is hard, and you still have to keep on living. And, keep on trying to be the best person you can be.
Yet, the perception that this creates among some people is that I want to be negative. But, I do not. I just want to be honest. Maybe my view on the world is not reality. And, that’s OK. It’s my reality. And, I trust that there is a loving God that knows the true reality, even when I do not.
Some days suck. And, sometimes we are misunderstood. But, as my Grandma Erwin always used to say, “As long as you and God knows what’s right, that’s all that matters.”
So, He knows my heart. He knows my good and bad thoughts. He knows I’m not perfect. He knows my personality. He knows my weaknesses and will turn them into strengths if I let Him. He knows that I am good. He knows that I try. He knows that I want to be better, stronger, and more like Him.
So, yes, sometimes, I get sick of being positive. But, this gives me motivation:
Hmmmm. Whatever it takes, right? Where do you lie? Do you think you are a positive or negative person, or somewhere in the middle?