Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Showing Up and Being Seen

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My Mom shared an article from O magazine with  me yesterday. It was an interview Oprah did with Dr. Brene Brown. The universe (by way of good friends and family) has been telling me to read this woman’s stuff for a few months now. After reading her interview with Oprah, her book has jumped to the top of my list.

My Mom knew that there has been some critique and criticism that has come from this blog of mine, and that maybe I could relate. Oh, you bet I could. Read the interview yourself, here. There was so much of the interview that I found myself wanting to scream out, YES!!! to in light of some of my own personal life experiences lately.

This woman had a TED talk about vulnerability that has become wildly popular (also on my to-do list now), and apparently, as a result of that popularity, has come some harsh criticism too. The article talks a lot about how our society has changed in a transparent culture of social media. That we are actually hiding behind the comforts of social media. Yep. I believe it.

Without going into the entire article, I share with you the quote from Theodore Roosevelt that she says changed her life, and it has a lot of meaning to me personally as it relates to this blog.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs…. [And] if he fails, at least fails while Daring Greatly.”

She goes on to say in her interview why it impacted her so much:

“And I also realized, “Oh my gosh—this describes everything I’ve ever learned about vulnerability.” It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about showing up and being seen. And the third thing, which was really helpful, is that from that second forward I made a commitment that if you are not in the arena getting your butt kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in your feedback. Period. Oprah: Whoa. Brené: Anonymous comments? You’re not in the arena, man.”

So, how does this relate to me? Well, this little blog of mine is all about showing up and being seen. I am not perfect. I am not the model of motherhood by any means, but I am opening up. I share my life, as I see it. I feel that by being “out there” for the world to see, I am vulnerable. But, she does warn about sharing too much. It’s a fine line to walk, for sure. Some people don’t ever want to put themselves out there like I do. And, that’s fine for them. But, being vulnerable shows strength. Showing others that I am NOT perfect requires courage. Working on myself as a mother, I believe, shows the Most Important One that I am in the arena doing my best. Writing, helps me work on myself.

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source

My little writing break has also been nice. I’ve wanted to sit down on multiple occasions during my move and complain, or just get out the negativity I was feeling in any given moment, but, I wasn’t able to. And, I’m still OK. If anything, it taught me that not everything has to be voiced.

Motherhood is all about daring greatly too, isn’t it? We don’t know what the future holds. We can be scared to death by fear of something happening to these people that we love with so much vulnerability that it hurts. We know we aren’t perfect, but we keep showing up in the arena every day to do our best. That, my friends, also takes courage. It comes naturally to some, and to others, it is a blood, sweat, and tears sort of thing. But, to all of us, it is a leap of faith that we are doing the best we can with what we have been given. So, why are we so hard on each other when we are all showing up in that arena every single day? Makes absolutely no sense to me.

All I know is that I’m grateful that so many of you are showing up with me, and cheering me on in the arena. It always feels good to have supporters. Some I know personally, and love dearly, others will only be virtual friends, but you’re still friends because you aren’t afraid to show up and be seen either.


9 Comments

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Comments

  1. TraceyLynnTobin says

    July 8, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Loved this post. Loved the quote, loved the explanation, and loved your reaction to it.

    For years I struggled with the vulnerability that comes with striving to become a published author. While I love to write I feared ever actually submitting something to an agent or a publisher because I was terrified of the rejection. But one day I decided that it doesn’t matter how many times I get rejected, or how many harsh criticisms I receive…what matters is the feeling of joy I get when someone reads what I’ve written and ENJOYS it. If I only ever sell a single book, and the buyer of that single book tells me that they enjoyed it, I will be happy. To hell with everyone else. 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      July 9, 2013 at 8:53 am

      Loved this comment! So true. If you can help one person, that is what we should all be focusing on!

      Reply
      • TraceyLynnTobin says

        July 10, 2013 at 6:26 am

        I think too many people are focused on becoming rich and famous. It’s okay to want these things, but you also have to realize, however much it might sting, that these things are unlikely no matter how hard you try. A more reasonable (and less stressful) approach is to aim for “fans”. If you can convince one person that you’re the greatest, that news will spread. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 🙂

        Reply
        • fakingpictureperfect says

          July 10, 2013 at 9:42 am

          Ha! I like it.

          Reply
  2. Rayna Drago says

    July 8, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    Nicely said my friend. 🙂 Great post.

    Reply
  3. mkstump says

    July 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    Love this post. 🙂

    Reply
  4. samuel says

    July 19, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Hi, I’ve been recently a lurker about your blog for a couple months. I enjoy this article along with your entire website! Looking forward to reading more!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 10 Things I’ve Learned from Having 7 Blogs in 6 Years. | Perfection Pending says:
    May 27, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    […] for were the comments from friends and family. You know, real-life people. Opening yourself up takes courage. Even people who think they know you might hear and read things that changes their opinion of you. […]

    Reply
  2. 10 Things I've Learned from Having 7 Blogs in 6 Years. - Perfection Pending says:
    August 22, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    […] for were the comments from friends and family. You know, real-life people. Opening yourself up takes courage. Even people who think they know you might hear and read things that changes their opinion of you. […]

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
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If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
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But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

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But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

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No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
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