My front door. Isn’t it lovely?
One thing I hadn’t thought of when I started making this blog more public is that things can get awkward with people in my real life. Really fast.
No one has said to me outright that my post has made them feel uncomfortable, but there have been rumblings, you could say. And, the funny thing is that I don’t feel like I really blog about anything all too controversial. I just blog about me.
Yet, the truth is, some people in my real life don’t really want to know the real me I guess. At least that’s my only explanation for some of the responses I’ve gotten.
Like the friend that says, “I’ve been reading your blog. It seems like you’ve been having a really hard time.” To which I reply cheerily, “Well some days are really hard, and others are fine.” Because, that’s the truth. But, most of the time, I’m not hanging out with my friends on the crappy days. Or if I am, I might not tell them about it. So, they just see me at my best.
It’s one thing when a stranger reads your post about your anxiety, germaphobia, or how you can just be having a really crappy day. It’s another thing when the neighbor, friend, or acquaintance from church reads it.
I can have a backbone all day long defending my thoughts and posts to a stranger, but when someone I know brings something up to me, I get a little frazzled. Or what if my own thoughts and feelings rub them the wrong way? I know it’s happened. But, they are my thoughts, my feelings, my complaints. I look at this blog as my own little refuge. My therapy. Like my own little house on the internet that I can do with whatever I want. And, I think, if you’re going to come into my house, you definitely shouldn’t tell me how to arrange the furniture. If you can’t help yourself from re-arranging the furniture, maybe you shouldn’t come into my house anymore.
Opening yourself up on social media can have consequences. But, there is a reason why I write so much. I’ve had more drama as a result of FB debates, arguments, misunderstandings, etc. than I’d like to admit. If I really analyze this, I think the reason it creates drama is because of some of my own personality flaws.
1. I want people to give me approval, not criticism. So, if I ask, “Am I a bad mom?” I certainly don’t want you to say anything that might be open to interpretation, hint at, or imply that I am indeed a bad mom. What I want you to say is, “NO!! You’re a great mom!”
2. I’m super sensitive. I am. I am not going to deny it. I have been since birth.
3. I’m an open book. While some might see this as a strength, I see it as a weakness when it comes to FB and other social media. I want to share, and ask opinions, and complain whenever I want. I definitely don’t want you to judge me for it. And, yes, people have complained about my complaining. Don’t I have the RIGHT to complain when I want to?
With all of these three things combined, there is bound to be drama. But, I hate confrontation. It got me thinking, are we more comfortable saying things in the very public forum of FB, twitter, blogs, etc. than we would face to face? I think so. And, it’s scary. Some of the things people have commented on my FB page and blog alike have been down right rude. And, I KNOW they would never dare say it to my face. Have I done the same? I hope not. But, I probably have.
So, what’s the solution? Un-friend everyone on Facebook. No. That’s not it. I’m not sure, exactly. But, I want to keep being true to me. Because this is my little house on the internet. And, if you were invited, be a polite guest won’t you? This doesn’t mean we will always agree, but just don’t say it’s not OK for me to have my own thoughts, feelings, and the like in my own home. And, if you think I can’t see through your vague statuses that might be referencing something I wrote, think again.
And, for crying out loud (as my Dad would say), definitely don’t tell me I’m being a bad mom. My little voice in my head does that enough for me, thank you very much.
Anyone else feel this way about blogging? And, if you like my post….please vote for me with the little lady to your right.
I’m sorry that people are being rude to you–see, that’s why I try to write as anonymously as possible. The randoms of the internet don’t bother me, but I think I’d censor myself if I knew that my family was reading me regularly. That being said–being passive aggressive about someone’s blog posts seems a little…childish? You have a right to your thoughts and feelings, and what you choose to share should be respected. I’m glad that your choice of reaction is incredulity rather than withdrawal! I think that your blog is wonderful and I’m grateful for what you choose to share with us!
Thank you! Yeah, it’s a fine line. Sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog, but it is what it is. I’m too tired to run more than one blog at a time! 🙂
I have been slowly introducing a few people IRL to my blog, but I mostly like the anonymity that it provides where I can blog freely without thinking ‘eep, did so and so read this?’ I think the audience changes when I write for my friends (ala Facebook) and here, where I write for myself and getting the thoughts out to connect with other whackadoo bloggers 🙂
People can be sooo awkward, too, like I can’t imagine mentioning “hey, I read your diary, seems like you’re having a hard time,” why can’t your friend just say “hey, how’s it going?”
I know, right? It is a lot like reading my diary. Why do I do this again? 😉
I know I know I know! I am really sensitive too and as much as I feel the need to share I also feel the pressure of being judged. My blog is about my health so I do also run into the real life people who do get a better understanding (which I wanted) but on the same note they know (or I know they might know if they read the blog) a lot about my health and it can make me feel awkward at times.
The pros out weigh the cons and it does take us crazy bloggers to share the real inner thoughts.
Big Bloggy Love!
Carrie @ Just Mildly Medicated
I agree. The pros outweigh the cons, but still, I don’t understand why people can’t just let me be who I am in my own little space!
It’s funny how people only want to know the us that they think we are and not the real us. If we all walked around sharing our true feelings and opinions, the people around us would despise us. I pretty much say what I want in real life, just like on my blog. However, just like on this blog, I do have a line I try not to cross as well. There are some things that aren’t everyone’s business.
Even when I razz you, my favorite native Texan Mormon, I don’t say what I think will rub you the wrong way completely. I only share what I think will rub you a little bit…like a mosquito bite.
Perfect!
I struggle with this and usually with the same repeat offenders. Usually people I don’t see or talk to often but they think they have the whole picture of my life just by reading a few blog posts. I think my honesty about my own shortcomings makes some feel uncomfortable with theirs. Also, there are some ‘friends’ who I know think I use my blog to make them feel bad about things they are or are not doing.
I don’t post a lot of blog-related stuff to my personal Facebook because I’m also rather sensitive and I don’t want to hear opinions of people who don’t matter.
It is usually the same repeat offenders huh?
I think there’s a pressure from people, especially when you’re a mom, to love everything all the time, and that’s not reality, nor should it be. And people who are too afraid to admit their own shortcomings try to feed off of yours because it makes them feel better about themselves. You’re not a bad mom, or wife, or person. Your actually a really good one because you’re honest with yourself.
Very well said!