One thing I hadn’t thought of when I started making this blog more public is that things can get awkward with people in my real life. Really fast.
No one has said to me outright that my post has made them feel uncomfortable, but there have been rumblings, you could say. And, the funny thing is that I don’t feel like I really blog about anything all too controversial. I just blog about me.
Yet, the truth is, some people in my real life don’t really want to know the real me I guess. At least that’s my only explanation for some of the responses I’ve gotten.
Like the friend that says, “I’ve been reading your blog. It seems like you’ve been having a really hard time.” To which I reply cheerily, “Well some days are really hard, and others are fine.” Because, that’s the truth. But, most of the time, I’m not hanging out with my friends on the crappy days. Or if I am, I might not tell them about it. So, they just see me at my best.
It’s one thing when a stranger reads your post about your anxiety, germaphobia, or how you can just be having a really crappy day. It’s another thing when the neighbor, friend, or acquaintance from church reads it.
I can have a backbone all day long defending my thoughts and posts to a stranger, but when someone I know brings something up to me, I get a little frazzled. Or what if my own thoughts and feelings rub them the wrong way? I know it’s happened. But, they are my thoughts, my feelings, my complaints. I look at this blog as my own little refuge. My therapy. Like my own little house on the internet that I can do with whatever I want. And, I think, if you’re going to come into my house, you definitely shouldn’t tell me how to arrange the furniture. If you can’t help yourself from re-arranging the furniture, maybe you shouldn’t come into my house anymore.
Opening yourself up on social media can have consequences. But, there is a reason why I write so much. I’ve had more drama as a result of FB debates, arguments, misunderstandings, etc. than I’d like to admit. If I really analyze this, I think the reason it creates drama is because of some of my own personality flaws.
1. I want people to give me approval, not criticism. So, if I ask, “Am I a bad mom?” I certainly don’t want you to say anything that might be open to interpretation, hint at, or imply that I am indeed a bad mom. What I want you to say is, “NO!! You’re a great mom!”
2. I’m super sensitive. I am. I am not going to deny it. I have been since birth.
3. I’m an open book. While some might see this as a strength, I see it as a weakness when it comes to FB and other social media. I want to share, and ask opinions, and complain whenever I want. I definitely don’t want you to judge me for it. And, yes, people have complained about my complaining. Don’t I have the RIGHT to complain when I want to?
With all of these three things combined, there is bound to be drama. But, I hate confrontation. It got me thinking, are we more comfortable saying things in the very public forum of FB, twitter, blogs, etc. than we would face to face? I think so. And, it’s scary. Some of the things people have commented on my FB page and blog alike have been down right rude. And, I KNOW they would never dare say it to my face. Have I done the same? I hope not. But, I probably have.
So, what’s the solution? Un-friend everyone on Facebook. No. That’s not it. I’m not sure, exactly. But, I want to keep being true to me. Because this is my little house on the internet. And, if you were invited, be a polite guest won’t you? This doesn’t mean we will always agree, but just don’t say it’s not OK for me to have my own thoughts, feelings, and the like in my own home. And, if you think I can’t see through your vague statuses that might be referencing something I wrote, think again.
And, for crying out loud (as my Dad would say), definitely don’t tell me I’m being a bad mom. My little voice in my head does that enough for me, thank you very much.
Anyone else feel this way about blogging? And, if you like my post….please vote for me with the little lady to your right.