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By Meredith Ethington

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Motherhood Parenting Parenting Tips Perfection

10 Ways Moms Can Find More Balance And Stop Feeling Mom Guilt

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This past year, I’ve spent a lot of time working on self-care. Having 3 kids in 6 years took a toll on me, and I found myself drowning in the day to day tasks, and not taking nearly enough time for myself. I felt “lost” a little bit in motherhood. Sound familiar?

I couldn’t remember the last time I wasn’t running through a checklist in my head, or yelling at someone to stop fighting. Before I had a total breakdown, I took some time for me. To remind myself what I needed to feel fulfilled an happy. And, since that time, I’ve found it’s a daily struggle to find balance between the needs my family has of me, my role as a wife and mother, and my needs as a human being.

Moms often forget that if they are taking time out for themselves, and finding a balance, they will be happier, and so will their kids. Here are 10 things you can start practicing now that will help you strike a better balance between your job as a mom, and all the other parts of you that make you who you are.

10 Ways Moms Can Find More Balance and Drop the Mom Guilt

Time Management.  For me, this one is huge. I am so guilty of procrastinating tasks I don’t want to do (hello, mopping!) and end up wasting my time instead. Then I feel unaccomplished and guilty. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, working on looking at how you manage your time can be life changing. It can also help get rid of the mommy guilt. Try setting aside a day for yourself, or even an hour. Don’t feel guilt if you have to say no to those around you. Know that you will be better because of it.

Create One on One Time With Each Kid. The other day my 4 year old was begging me to play a game with him. He whined for a really long time, and I found myself getting really frustrated because I just needed to finish about a million things first. He kept begging, so I finally gave in, and I was amazed at how much fun we had together and how quickly the mood shifted. He just needed a minute to reconnect with me (and so did I) then he played independently the rest of the day! Dedicate just a few minutes each day to each kid, and you’ll see it make a world of difference.

Give Yourself Screen Free Time. I’m guilty of managing everyone’s screen time in my house except my own. Carve out times every day to be screen free. Shut off your phone, and reconnect with the people you love most. You’ll find that you are happier knowing that you really engaged when it was important.

Date Nights. Whether it’s a date with your significant other, or your girlfriends, allow yourself kid free time out of the house. It’s a great reminder of who you are when you’re kids aren’t around. And, if you really want to go the extra mile, try not talking about your kids when you’re out!

Let Your Kids Plan Your Time Together. Last summer, I had my daughter make a bucket list of things she wanted to do with me when she was out of school. It was super easy to complete. It included things like, do art together, read a book together, etc. Your kids just want time with you, so let them plan your one on one time together. They will feel loved, and you’ll feel happy knowing you did something meaningful to them to connect.

Indulge in Guilty Pleasures. Whether you love running, reading, or taking naps, allow yourself those luxuries. The house work can wait, and my guess is you won’t regret that down time doing something that feels luxurious. As moms, we are pretty easy to please, and indulging in guilty pleasures is a great way to show yourself you matter, and you’ll feel recharged too!

Follow a Passion. This has been a huge part of my ability to feel peace and balance in my life the past few years. I found a passion I didn’t even know I had, and it has brought me a creative outlet that has helped me feel like myself when times are hard. Instead of feeling guilty for the time it might be away from your kids, look at it as a way to show your kids it’s important to follow their dreams.

Get a Babysitter. Whether you have an important deadline, or just want to repaint your bathroom, it’s OK to get a babysitter. Think about hiring a teenager to come over while you cook dinner one night a week to give yourself a break, or pay a kid to watch your kids while you do stuff around the house. It’s a great way to get uninterrupted time and feel more accomplished.

Meditate, Pray, or Read Something Inspiring. I don’t do this nearly as much as I should, but I’ve found that reconnecting with your spiritual side can help you feel more at peace. And, when you feel at peace, you’ll be able to show that calm side of yourself to your kids more easily.

Trust Yourself. What works for one family may not work for another which is why so much of finding balance in motherhood is trusting your gut when it comes to what you do for your own family. By doing that, you take away the worry and stress that comes with trying to keep up with what others are doing, or second guessing yourself. In the days of helicopter parenting, and over-scheduling our kids, we often forget that we are doing OK and our kids are going to be OK. We add a lot of fluff to our lives that doesn’t need to be there, and it’s OK if our kids watch too much TV one day so we can take time for ourselves. The saying is true that if you’re worried that you’re a bad mom, you probably aren’t. So let go of the mommy guilt and remind yourself it’s going to be alright.

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3 Comments

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Comments

  1. Hailey says

    November 8, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    I love these. I especially love that you included trusting ourselves as moms. We know what our kids need, and what we need better than anyone, and we need to remember that and not second guess ourselves!

    Reply

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  1. Here's The Thing About Parenting In The Age Of Social Media - It's Hard. - Perfection Pending says:
    March 7, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    […] know we mothers judge ourselves super harshly; we pour the guilt on ourselves like a kid pours Legos on the floor. But if we are honest with ourselves, we will know […]

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  2. The Best Way to Cure Mom Guilt Instantly says:
    February 22, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    […] 10 Ways Moms Can Find More Balance and Stop Feeling Mom Guilt […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Working on figuring out my mission as we speak. ❤️
Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebblei Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebbleice #adhd #momlifebelike
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
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