Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

  • My Books
    • The Mother Load
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

Be Brave Guest Post Series Guest Bloggers Guest Post Motherhood Parenting Perfection

Owning My Imperfection

  • Share
  • Tweet

Today, I have a guest post from one of my favorite bloggers, Michelle from What I’ve Learned for Now. She is one of those writers that instantly makes you laugh, feel like you aren’t alone, and gives you candid glimpses into her life raising two little boys. She is also very good at leaving comments that make you feel like you’re not as crazy as you think you are. I like her a lot, and I’m so glad I get to share her with you today! She’s one of those people that I’ve never met, but would easily call a kindred spirit. If I talked like Anne Shirley, that is. Enjoy! 

***************

I’m very lucky today to be guest posting over at Meredith’s place, Perfection Pending. In this vast and obscure blogging world, it is so rare that you find another writer who you connect with through their blog, and even more rare when that person makes such an effort to connect with her readers in other ways. I’ve found this in Meredith, as I’m sure many, many others have as well, so when she was looking for fellow bloggers to guest post for her Be Brave Series, I immediately jumped at the chance to help her out. Please go visit her and learn about how confused and boring she is and how well she does at letting her kids just be.

Thanks for having me today.

********************************

“If you were a ‘perfect’ mother, your children would have no room to grow”.

Gosh, I miss my therapist. Why did she have to retire? She only looked 78 years old.

I was pregnant with my first son, and despite having planned his conception and wanting him more than anything else in the world, I was feeling terrified that I wasn’t ready to be a parent and wasn’t going to be a very good mother. She said those words and I have held on to them ever since.

My boys are going to be giants.

We all want to be the perfect mother to our children. I have yet to meet someone who wanted to bear children for the sole purpose of messing them up. On the contrary, we set out to fix all of the horrific, reprehensible and obvious mistakes our own parents made. “Thank goodness”, we think to ourselves, “we are so much smarter an self-aware than they are and won’t make the same mistakes, right? I mean, seriously, how hard is it???”

And then we have babies and quickly realize, the joke is on us.

Because I swear, I mess up on a daily basis. I scold one kid because I think he’s the one who spilled water all over the kitchen floor, only to realize later that the dishwasher is leaking. Oopsy. (Of course you can have ice cream for dinner honey!)

For the 77th time, my kids interrupt my phone call and I get snippy with them, only to see that all they wanted to do was give me a picture they drew of us on the swing set. (Oh, thank you delivery man, just set the Lifetime of Guilt over there on the dining room table please).

It took me a year and a half of battling with my youngest son Bozo over his pants for me to finally buy him a handful of some soft sweatpants, therein putting the fights to a complete stop. Ugh! Why didn’t I think of this 18 months ago!?!?!?!

plantsWith plants, there is a process called Phototropism, in which they naturally and innately turn toward the sun. If conditions aren’t perfect, they find a way to foster their own growth. cacti know water is scarce and so conserve it for months at a time.

This is what I think of when my therapist told me that if I were the “perfect” mother, my children would have no room to grow. They would not tap into their own innate strengths and flourish.

I’m wondering if messing up is actually a huge part of being a parent, a necessary part of being a parent, although one that I have a hard time accepting. Because in a nutshell, we are simply humans trying to raise other humans, and it’s a messy, messy business.

I am so far from the perfect mother I had set out to be. In the beginning, when I would lose my patience and yell or just get snippy with them, I would beat myself up all night long. I would peek in on them sleeping, looking like little angels, and determine that I am in fact the worse mom ever. How could I possibly lose my cool with the little cherub who is sleeping in his favorite angry bird shirt, while wearing hockey gloves and clutching his baby doll?

IMG_2273“What is wrong with me?” was a question I asked myself often.

Now, a few years later, I’m a bit easier on myself. A bit. I’m learning that as a human being, I have my limits. And I’m learning that it is, in fact, good for my children to realize that I have my limits. I’m not some emotionless android who can take years and years of tantrums and messes and back-talk and not get fed up once in a while, or who can respond to any given situation in the perfectly calm and patient way that I pictured myself doing. I’m a mom who didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, who works at a job 4 days a week, needs to remember to sign the permission slip to the field trip next week and to pack their lunches and re-schedule their dentist appointments and try to find a sitter for Saturday night and still tries hard to read to them each night before bed.

While I’m slowly but surely getting better at accepting my flaws as a human being and a mother, it’s not without some hard work. I still try hard everyday to be more patient, take more time to play UNO with them (even though I’ve explained that you cannot put a Blue 5 on top of a Red7!?!?), to hold on to my own anxiety and not lay it in their lap (like I did here), and to let them know that it’s okay that they’re not perfect either.

It takes a lot of bravery to be a mother. Especially a mother who doesn’t shy away from acknowledging her flaws, but tries to accept them and do the best she can each day.

roar

 

Michelle is a mom of two young boys who are incredibly good at imitating the sound a chain saw makes. During dinner. When things are quiet, she sits at her computer writing all that she is learning about life as a wife, mother and how to be aT-Rex who pretends to eat squealing little boys. To get a glimpse of what she’s really like, read about her fear of blood and being a daddy’s girl.


9 Comments

« Tipsy Lit: I Write to Stop Time
Moms VS. Kids: My Voice Might Not Be Audible »

Comments

  1. zeudytigre says

    March 29, 2014 at 2:49 am

    This is beautiful. Such a positive take on mothering mess ups.

    Reply
  2. Michelle says

    March 29, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Thanks for reading:)

    Reply
  3. kerri says

    March 29, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Thanks for easing the burden – a great phrase to remember.

    Reply
  4. Michelle says

    March 29, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Thanks for reading Kerri:)

    Reply
  5. Katie @ My Daily Crumbs says

    March 29, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    What a great article! I like to say I’ve been perfecting my parenting imperfections since 2006. I’m human. Who happens to be a mom too. I’m finally realizing it’s ok to screw up. I freely apologize to my kids when I’m a jerk. Because I don’t like jerks and I don’t want my kids thinking it’s cool to unconditionally love a jerk who never takes responsibility for it.

    I think you’re doing a bang up job not being a jerk. Thanks for sharing a piece of you.

    ~ Katie

    Reply
  6. Michelle says

    March 30, 2014 at 5:27 am

    Oooh, I like that…..teaching them it’s not ok to unconditionally love a jerk without them taking responsibility for it….that is good. Thanks for reading today:)

    Reply
  7. Shelley Sackier says

    March 30, 2014 at 9:33 am

    Firstly, Meredith, what a fabulous blog and it’s likely I will be stuck on pause with any needed work today simply for the fact that there’s much to explore and read on your site!
    Secondly, Michelle, what a beautiful post. I am so moved by your words and your insight into parenting. Yes, we all struggle with the same guilt and monumental efforts it requires to get through the day (and night), attempting to fashion the least destructive way to raise our children, but your ability to put into words what we all feel was wholly perfect. Kudos to you, your words and all your energetic endeavors to raise those beautiful boys. You can bet your bottom dollar they are going to be a wonderful reflection of your love and devotion to them.
    Cheers! 🙂

    Reply
  8. Michelle says

    March 31, 2014 at 7:24 am

    My goodness Sally, that might be one of the most uplifting comments I’ve gotten! Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read:)

    Reply
  9. Michelle says

    March 31, 2014 at 7:27 am

    I meant Shelley…..your first and last name got confused in my head AND I’m trying to type with a huge bandage on my middle finger…..so please accept my apologies:))))

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
Load More Follow on Instagram

You might also like

The Greatest Gift Is To Watch Your Child Leave You

Mom holding baby in nursery and yawning

When Does Parenting Get Less Exhausting? Newsflash – Never.

Dad holding tired girl after trick or treating during Halloween in the 80's

Halloween in The 80’s Was the Best Ever

mom forcing a smile with fingers and blue background

Stop Complaining About Motherhood. Here Are 21 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

Copyright © 2025 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2025 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in