There is this little song I sing to my kids that is a children’s song at church, but since I have a horrible memory, and it’s one of my favorites, I use it as a lullaby. There is a line in the song that says, “He gave me my ears that I might hear the magical sound of things”. My littlest usually repeats the word “ears” as I am singing to him. Sweet huh?
Ears are a gift, aren’t they? We can hear sweet, magical things. But, we can also hear things that are not so pleasant. Let’s take for example when your child belches loudly in church and causes all of you to giggle uncontrollably. Or maybe when your kids start a sentence with, “Don’t be mad….” you can almost guarantee that you will, in fact, be getting very mad. The sound of a your children playing happily is super sweet until it happens at 5am and you realize you are now officially up for the day.
But, what amazes me is the gift of hearing that our children have. They are special little creatures aren’t they? The selective hearing works amazingly to their advantage. For example, they hear me opening a snack from three rooms away, but don’t seem to hear me when I am standing right next to them telling them to put their shoes in the closet that they just kicked off of their feet 5 seconds before. Kids are gifted that way, right?
I think they are especially gifted with the ability to hear me talking on the phone. I’ve decided that since I have become a die hard texter (yes, I jdust turned that word into a noun) they are baffled by this phenomenon when I actually pick up the phone to make a phone call. Obviously, the world as they know it is coming to an end because mom is actually speaking into the phone instead of staring at it with fingers flying. Since the world is coming to an end, they decide that they must carpe diem. The other day, I made an actual real life phone call, and like moths to a bright light, they descended hoping to take advantage of this rare phenomenon called “making a telephone call”.
Suddenly everyone was thirsty, and hungry and needed it that. very. second. I started handing out drinks as my oldest decided it was necessary to squirt the brand new bottle of shampoo sitting on the counter. Shampoo went flying across the kitchen. They must not hear my voice on the phone, I started thinking. As I reached for the paper towels, and tried to follow the conversation on the phone in a polite manner that didn’t suggest that my children were causing total chaos in the background, my middle child grabbed a bag of cookies off the counter and turned it upside down on the floor. The look on my face at that point must have suggested the world was, in fact, going to come to an end much sooner than expected, because as quickly as they came and destroyed the kitchen in one minute flat, they were gone.
I hung up the phone and of course, there was complete silence and harmony in the universe. Although the spot where I had been standing was a different story.
A while ago, I wrote a post about this selective hearing phenomenon, and thought it might be fun to revisit a few things that they “hear” in response to what I am actually saying. The discrepancy is so remarkable that I am now choosing to view it as a special gift that children have so that I don’t lose my mind thinking that my voice actually must not make an audible sound to anyone under the age of 10. Because I’ve decided that’s the only other explanation.
Moms VS. Kids (And Their Selective Hearing)
What I say: “Why don’t you go play quietly in your playroom for 5 more minutes.”
What the kid hears: “Come interrupt me 5 more times and ask me 10 more questions.”
What I say: “Go potty before we go out so you don’t have to go at a public restaurant”
What the kid hears: “Wait as long as possible to go potty and then dance around screaming, ‘I have to poop!’ while we are in the middle of eating.
What I say: “Eat your vegetables or you won’t get dessert”
What the kid hears: “It’s time for dessert, so stop eating everything and ask me 10 times if you can have a cookie now”.
What I say: “Act really good in Target, and mommy will think about buying you a treat after”
What the kid hears: “You can still have a treat after you have a meltdown on every other aisle and act like a crazy lunatic climbing shelves and breaking things I had no intention of buying”
What I say: “Look both ways and hold my hand”
What the kid hears: “Run with reckless abandon out into the parking lot at full speed”
What I say: “Bath time!”
What the kid hears: “Streak and shriek time!”
What I say: “Watch your little brother for 2 minutes while I take the trash out.”
What the kid hears: “Go play with sharp objects in a closet and involve your little brother too”
What I say: “Time for bed!”
What the kid hears: “Ask me for water, another hug, a bedtime story, another hug, tell me your hungry, ask for another hug, climb out of your bed and into your brother’s, tell me you’re scared, and ask again for another hug.
What I say: “Do not touch anything” it so obviously in their minds means, “Touch everything and try to break something too.”
What the Kid Hears: “This is your last cookie” it translates to “Eat this as quickly as possible and negotiate with me until I say, ‘Fine!’and give you another one.”
What I say: “Public restrooms aren’t clean, stand there and don’t. move.” they hear, “Go in the bathroom and touch every surface imaginable and then try to climb under the bathroom stall, making sure to wipe your face against the nasty floor, while I’m trying to do my business.”
What the Kid Hears: “Eat your dinner!” at a restaurant this means, “Take one bite, get down, run around wildly, wait for me to threaten you with your life, then start eating again when I am packing up my cold food to take it to-go.”
What I say: “You are only supposed to draw on paper. NOTHING ELSE.” They hear: “Take a permanent marker and beautify every surface in the house.”
What the Kid Hears: “Be quiet your brother is taking a nap.” They of course hear: “Scream for me from the basement. When I run down the stairs expecting to see a broken bone or a fire in the corner, ask me to change the channel for you.”
What I say: “Clean up your room.” They definitely hear: “Discover a toy under your bed that you’ve been missing for months and sit quietly entranced with it for an hour, accomplishing nothing.”
What the Kid Hears: “No splashing in the bathtub!” They hear: “Take that tiny toy cup and empty the contents of the bathtub onto the floor one cup at a time.”
What I say: “Do your homework.” They hear: “Stare into space for 30 minutes.”
What the Kid Hears: “Look me in the eyes so I know you are listening to me.” They hear: “Look me in the eyes, but do your own thing in your own little head so you can say, ‘I didn’t hear you!’ later.”
It’s a special gift I tell you. If it’s NOT a special gift, please don’t tell me. (I like to view my children as gifted…you know, for their sake and mine). I don’t want to discover the alternative, which is, that my voice must not be audible to anyone under the age of 10. Which, when I think about it, might not be the greatest thing, but it might explain a lot.
Hahahaha, this is hilarious. I have started texting all the time because my kids don’t seem to mind (well, not as much) if I’m texting, but if I’m on the phone? Oh boy! That’s a whole different ball of wax.
for sure!
Should I burst your bubble now or let you find out on your own? I think I’ll be nice and forewarn your (and burst your bubble now), your voice will not be audible even after they are past 10 year old mark. BUT! The good news is you are not alone my friend, I am in the same boat as you. Congrats on being a featured SITS girl!
Thanks Ana! And, thanks for ruining my day. 😉 Actually I had a hunch that would be the case….oh well.
My children can be happily playing for HOURS without interrupting me, but the moment they hear me on the phone it is their invitation to do everything they know they should not. Because Mommy doing the snapping or the silent head-shaking does not scare them! Great post! Hope you have a fantastic SITS day!-Ashley
Thank you! So glad you stopped by! 🙂
Ha! That’s funny. My kids let everything I say go in one ear and out the other too. At least the baby has an excuse. The four year old… not so much! I find I have to word things just right. Like: “Do you want to go to the park?” (now that I have their attention…) “Okay! As soon as we get your room clean, we’ll go!”
Ha! I like your trickery. 🙂
The phone IS magic. The kids will always appear. Try to use it to your advantage. If you want to know where they are, to summon them into your presence immediately, just pick up the phone and pretend to make a call. Maybe if you do this enough times (perhaps giving them a chore to do when they show up!), they’ll begin to steer clear when you are actually talking with someone! 😉
Darling blog you have here! Have a wonderful SITS day!
That’s actually a really good idea! I’m going to try it!! 😉 Thanks for stopping by!
This is hilarious! I am here from SITS and am absolutely loving your blog! You are a great storyteller. I can’t wait to see more from you. Have a happy SITS Day!
Thanks Jenna! So glad you stopped by!
I love this post! My niece and nephew love to be naked. They don’t ever seem to hear, “get dressed” 🙂
Thanks for the laughs!
Great post. Happy SITS Day!
Too funny! And true!
Happy SITS Day to you 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Happy SITS Day! I hope you have a great one! I can definitely relate! I have a 3 1/2 year old who is in the “do it myself” stage and in the “no thanks” mode when it comes to me asking her to do certain things that she really doesn’t have an option in like, I don’t know, go potty or get dressed. Fun times! I also work with other kids on occasion (my hubby and I work in our 3 – 5 year old Jr. Church on a rotating basis), and boy! I feel like they only hear “It’s snack time!” Everything else like “Don’t lick the table!”, “Jimmy, I don’t think Bobby wants help with his shoes. No, I really think he wants to wear them right now.”, or “Suzie, I am not sure Molly wants you to color her picture for you.” Yesterday, in fact, we had 10 children – 9 of which were high-energy, “hard of hearing” in the ways you mentioned above boys! Fun times! LOL I am glad we only have Jr. Church 2 Sundays in a row about every 3 months! 😀
Yes, selective hearing must be universal! And, that sounds EXHAUSTING!! Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂
Oh my, you really nailed it here. One time I even asked my three-year-old twins, “Can you hear me talking right now? Is my mouth actually making any sound?” They just blinked. So, yeah. I totally get this. I just discovered your blog hop and I’m so excited!
Yay! Thanks for stopping by Kate! I hope you’ll join in the fun of the blog hop too! 🙂
Oh the things I have to look forward to 😉 Even though my little one is only 4 months I can already tell he will be a BUSY boy! Great post and Happy SITS day to you!
Thank you Georgia! And thanks for stopping by!
LOL….I can totally relate to this post, but newsflash ……this special gift “selective hearing” gets worse during their teenage years!!!
Yes, sadly, I suspected that. 🙂
oh i love that song!
and i laughed out loud at the “when i say” because that is SO how things work in my house too! 🙂
What a beautiful photo f your daughter. I love her sombrero!
Ha! thanks! Although she’s not my daughter. 😉
This is so funny and so true! I really think my kids cannot hear sometimes or that I’m speaking a different language. I can whisper on the phone though or quietly turn on the TV by myself in another room though and it’s like moths to a flame!
DEFINITELY! Good thing they’re cute huh?
I think you nailed it because mine does the same thing. I swear he can hear the stove click on when I’m making dinner and it triggers his “I need you” reflex even though he was perfectly content right before.
Yes!! I’m familiar with that one too! 🙂
Hi Meredith! Happy SITS day. This post explains a lot, my children are “gifted” too. The positive side of the bathtub contents ending up on the floor is that the bathroom floor is probably the cleanest floor in my house. Thanks for sharing and hope you have a good Monday 🙂
True true! 🙂 So funny! Thanks for stopping by!
Oh this post had me rolling! I’m so glad I discovered you through SITS today. You definitely have a new fan in me. Thanks for hosting the link up too. I am not Mommy blogger but by chance I wrote a post about parenting the other day and I linked it up here. Looking forward to reading more from you!
Jen
So glad you did Jen! Thanks so much for stopping by and finding me. 🙂 Can’t wait to check out your post!
Love your rhyming picture captions. Made me smile on this manic Monday! Visiting you via SITS. Have a super day.
Thanks Barb! 🙂
Minecraft is my BFF.
Until I’m on the phone then it’s nonexistent …
I can so identify!
G’day and thanks for the chuckles over my morning coffee!
My mind used to translate what my mum said too lol
Congrats re you being featured by SITS!!I Great site too!
Cheers! Joanne
Happy SITS Day! This post is great and so true. I have a preschooler(girl) and a middle schooler(boy), so you know I can’t get anyone to listen to me around here. ~Sherri
Thanks Sherri! Sorry you feel my pain! 🙂
The phone is a magnet, for sure. And now my oldest daughter (7) has the lovely habit of becoming offended when I ask her not to interrupt a phone call.
Seriously…
Oh no, I’ve discovered this blog and post a day too late (I think, though I’m in the UK) – was having all sorts of manic shenanigans with my two yesterday – if only I’d known, ha ha. Your blog is brilliant and your post spot on. I put a post up on this subject a couple of weeks ago – only a short quote – I repeatedly asked my three year old to wash her hands, she kept ignoring me, and when I asked if she could her me, she replied ‘Yes, I can hear you saying blah, blah, blah!’ Simply charming 😉
Hahah! That’s hilarious!
Teenagers have selective hearing too, although if I do not respond to them can get very huffy. At least they no longer tip stuff over the floor. Well, not very often…
It’s so true! Thanks for hosting!
Okay. I hope you framed that photo to put on display in your house. It is seriously gorgeous!!! I LOVE candid shots like this, and I believe that these are the gems that I’ll cherish most some day when I’m old, and grey and gumming my food.
I just made a quick pit stop to your blog to see what you had up today, and I’m coming back later to read this post in its entirety, like after I’ve devoured 3/4 of my birthday cake and become so comatose that I am unable to be moved from my recliner…
Sounds like a perfect birthday plan!! The photo is from photo pin, so I can’t take the credit, and probably won’t be framing it! 😉
Ahhhh. OKay. I’ve returned to read this post in its entirety, and, of course, this time I noticed the photo credit….
With regard to the crux of this post, I have a feeling this will be me in the months to come. My son is only 31 months and my daughter is 6 months. there will be LOTS of this to come in the Conover household. Although I’ve already experienced the “Be quiet your [sister] is taking a nap.” For some reason, Scotty interprets Kennedy’s nap as an invitation to run up and down the hallway at full speed while shouting the theme song to Bubble Guppies.
Sigh.
Ha! Well, I’m very grateful for my basement and fenced backyard for that very reason.
Your blog on ears is so totally there. It’s great that you have found the humor in situations like that. Having 3 grown children and several grand kids, I can relate. And having a grandson (he’s 4), it ‘s like re-living it all over again. Your story is so funny the way you tell it. I enjoyed it greatly. Thank you for sharing. New blogger at SITS.
Thanks for stopping by Ann! I find the humor in it SOME days. I can’t say that I always do. 🙂
HILARIOUS! It made me laugh while sitting in my hotel room at 4 a.m. waiting for a possible tornado to arrive (Jackson, Mississippi.)
Haha! So.. that is why they don’t listen! Lol. Really, right now I am so tired and I was hoping I’d get a midmorning nap.. told the toddler that mommy and Rumi could have a nap.. she said okee… then pulled out her trainset at my feet… left that and started building the airport on my pillow with one plane getting tangled in my hair! Ouch.
And.. as someone already mentioned… yes, they don’t hear after 10 too. They get worst before they get better… when is that…? When they become parents and have kids who are just like they were! Ha!
I not only can relate, but can tell you I have had more moments than not like you described above. I am beginning to think I speak in another language at the very least, because the truly do the exact opposite of what I say 9 times out of 10 here, as well!
OMG my son answered the door with no pants about a month ago. And yesterday? A snow day? He woke at 6am. today, for school, I had to wake him up at 7:30 and he said he had to poop right before the bus came (we missed it). Love this!
haha! I love that he answers the door with no pants. That’s a lot like a bad dream I have. 😉
Hahahah! So true! Oh my goodness! My kids drive me crazy with their selective hearing!
Me too!
AH such TRUTH!!!!! ALL OF IT!!! I was JUST on the phone yesterday and the kIds had NO idea how to behave themselves- interrupting me CONSTANTLY and I did the hand wave mean face pointing to the phone mouthing ‘STOP IT NOW”!!!
They didn’t get it.
At. All.
Haha. Yep, trying to talk on the phone is the hardest!