Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

  • My Books
    • The Mother Load
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

In the Motherhood Inspiration Motherhood Parenting Perfection

The Lesson Time Has Taught Me About Motherhood

  • Share
  • Tweet

Looking back at old photos of my kids when they were younger is something I just can’t do. Not without crying or feeling a lump in my throat.

They are STILL little. Nine, six, and three isn’t exactly all grown up, but they are growing up so fast that I find myself still unable to look back at who they were just a couple of years ago. Because it hurts.

Instead, I’m trying to just look at right now. Because when I look back, I realize I should have been focusing more on the moment in that moment.

When I look back at old photos, or home videos, I realize that I didn’t appreciate that raspy 2-year-old voice as much as I should have. When I look back, and I can’t remember exactly what that new baby smell was like, or exactly how that warm body felt when I pulled them out of the crib after a nap. I can’t remember the feeling I felt watching my husband become a dad in our tiny two bedroom apartment.

NYCetc 055

Photos don’t capture feelings and lock them away forever, and when I look back, I feel sad that I didn’t soak up those feelings when I was living them. But, honestly, I don’t know what more I could have done.

When my first daughter was born, I was worried about everything. I had a touch of post partum depression that I didn’t even recognize until it was over. I looked at her back then and couldn’t breathe at the weight of all of my new responsibility. I relished in so many things though. I know I did appreciate all those firsts, and I soaked them up in the way that first-time mothers do. With a hint of constant worry hanging over them. But, when I look back, I feel like maybe I didn’t soak it up enough. The worry and the constant demands of first-time motherhood had to have clouded my view. And now those moments are gone.

My husband picked up my youngest almost four year old boy the other day and said, “I can’t hold your sister like this anymore” and I felt like bursting into tears right then and there while cooking my eggs. When was the last time I carried her? I don’t know. Was it a year ago? Four? I wish I had known whenever it was because maybe I would have recorded it somehow in my memory if I had. Maybe I’ll carry my even bigger 6 year old around today just so I can remember it later, I think irrationally.

It’s how I feel looking back at photos of my kids as babies. Did I appreciate that moment enough while I was living it? Will I ever feel like I did?

I’ve learned though to live in the now more. I have more perspective. I do tell myself now when I’m lying down with my youngest or spending way too much time in the bathroom with him during potty training that it isn’t going to last forever. Which is both exciting and heartbreaking when you think about it. Because in motherhood, the future is bright even though we’re hanging onto strands of the past as desperately as we can.

January07 046

But, for now, looking back at those memories still feels painful somehow like I just didn’t hang onto them long enough. Instead of feeling happy that I captured a photo of that 9 month old with no teeth and a huge gummy smile, I’ll think to myself, “Did you snuggle her enough? Did you enjoy only have 1 kid enough? Did you enjoy bath time, and teething, and all those breast feeding moments enough?”

And, my middle child was such a hard baby I hardly remember it. Seeing his pictures of being 2 and 3 feel a little surreal. Like it didn’t even happen. And, I feel sadness for already forgetting just a few short years later what his toddler voice sounded like, and how much a smile from him could make my whole day.

So, as my kids grow up, I hope one day it will be easier to look back at their photos. Because I hope I’m living in the now so much that when they’re teenagers, looking at these years that I’m in that still seem so hard, will seem like a dream instead. A good one that I enjoyed as much as possible. I try to live in the right now so that one day looking back will be easier.

Part of me wants to tell that new mom who is struggling, that it goes by so fast just because it does. But, I don’t. Not because I don’t want to warn her that it might hurt later to realize that she didn’t quite enjoy every moment, but because no one can really teach us that lesson except time itself.

So I smile a sympathetic smile toward that new mom struggling with getting her baby to sleep through the night and vow,  for the millionth time today, that I will live in the now, so I can one day look back and feel nothing but a sweet satisfaction that I survived it, and I loved motherhood the best way I knew how.


6 Comments

« Hilarious Facebook Parenting Memes of the Week
Hilarious Facebook Parenting Memes of the Week »

Comments

  1. Renee says

    October 29, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    I found your blog via Scary Mommy. I found this post, and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. I have two young sons, ages 7 and 4, and I am consumed by the “did I’s” Did I enjoy them enough? Did I cherish the moments, good and bad, enough? Was I the best mommy I could be? Am I the best mommy to them now? Like you, when I look at pictures and videos from their baby days, I always get teary. I wish I could turn the clock back, knowing what I know now.

    Thank you for this post – I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      October 29, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Thanks Renee! You know, a follower pointed out in my fb page how happy I looked in the picture and how I must have been enjoying the moment. It’s so true. I was. And I did. Maybe not every second, because that’s impossible, but we have to cut ourselves a break too. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  2. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    November 13, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    I sometimes have the opposite experience, looking back at photos and thinking, “ah, those were the good old days, when we were carefree and never had any troubles…” And then I remember what was actually going ON at the time, and it was just as tumultuous as life is now!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 13, 2015 at 9:00 pm

      Ha. That’s interesting!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Climbing Out of the Trenches. What I Didn't Expect to Feel. - Perfection Pending says:
    December 12, 2015 at 5:01 am

    […] I’m focusing on not looking back yet. Not until they’re a little older. Because while the trenches might now feel magical with […]

    Reply
  2. The Push and Pull of Motherhood - Perfection Pending says:
    June 15, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    […] The Lesson Time Taught Me About Motherhood […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
Load More Follow on Instagram

You might also like

The Greatest Gift Is To Watch Your Child Leave You

Mom holding baby in nursery and yawning

When Does Parenting Get Less Exhausting? Newsflash – Never.

Dad holding tired girl after trick or treating during Halloween in the 80's

Halloween in The 80’s Was the Best Ever

mom forcing a smile with fingers and blue background

Stop Complaining About Motherhood. Here Are 21 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

Copyright © 2025 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2025 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in