I am one of those people that HATES when someone says to me, “Enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast”. In fact, I’ve been known to share articles that talk about how HARD it is, and how it is impossible to enjoy every moment. But, I want to share the truth about enjoying motherhood.
I long for someone to validate my feelings that this is overwhelming to raise three small children.
I want someone to agree with me that it is hard. That some days, it sucks. So, I seek those kinds of things out. And, you know what? – it gives me strength. It really does.
It’s important to be aware when we are navigating too much toward the negative though. I know that. No one wants to dwell on all the hard parts of parenting. We WANT to be enjoying motherhood enough.
Yet, I find myself still saying, “AMEN!” when the blog post validating all of my negative feelings is shared. I skip the sweet, sappy blog posts that go on and on about how wonderful motherhood is. “I don’t want to read that”, I think to myself. Yet, why?
Am I enjoying motherhood enough or am I focused on the negative?
Some people have even gone as far as to say they feel sorry for me because they fear I’m not appreciating enough. Those comments are what stir the emotions of fear, anxiety, guilt and worry. “Am I not enjoying motherhood enough?” I think as I fall to sleep at night.
But, then I have a moment like when my first born lost her first tooth. I pulled it because she wanted me to. She cried a little at first, but then was SO happy.
You see, she’s one of the youngest in her class, and therefore was the second to the last one to lose any teeth. She was desperately wanting it to happen. And, I realized that night, that in the blink of an eye, she got bigger.
Because, you see. It really does go by so fast.
My husband came into me after she was in bed, and I said sadly, “I remember that first tooth coming in!” “You do?” he said. “Well, I definitely remember how sad we were when she cut teeth” He said, “Yeah, because she lost that gummy smile”. We thought about her as a baby in that moment, and we cherished it.
We took pictures of her before bed, we smiled at her in the mirror as she looked at her new reflection. We savored the heck out of that moment. Because it was momentous, and beautiful. It was a milestone.
And, I sit here and think to myself, “It’s OK Meredith…..Breathe. Don’t worry what others say and think”
Because I AM enjoying, savoring, and feeling blessed to be mama to these three people.
It’s possible to be frustrated by the pains of motherhood, and savor it, too.
Sure, not every moment is being enjoyed (like the puking, fit throwing, and fighting moments), but the important ones are.
I smiled to myself as my middle child rode his bike this morning ahead of me while I tried to get some exercise in when he was younger. I didn’t know how far he would be able to go since his bike is relatively new, and he went 1.5 miles! I was proud. I told him so.
And, while we were walking and riding together, I soaked up the sunshine and my sweet boys.
And, let’s not forget the baby. I screamed with delight at every new thing he did.
I gave him high fives, and hugs, and kisses galore.
I think it bugs us when people say, “Enjoy It – It goes so fast” because not only are we enjoying motherhood enough, but we bask in it.
We make our kids the priority.
We document every moment.
We sacrifice for them so they have the best we can give them.
And honestly? We hate the guilt trip that statement gives us because we love our kids just as much as you loved yours, Linda.
I remember how he said “baby” as clear as day for the first time at the doctor’s office. I was so happy, and so proud to hear him add another new word to his tiny vocabulary.
The truth is that deep down, I don’t need to read the sappy stuff other mothers write about their own experiences because I have plenty of my own.
And in motherhood, almost every day is a milestone.
Celebrations happen spontaneously. Love is shared, and joy is felt. I won’t say all day every day. But, I will say that daily there is always at least one happy moment I make note of.
THAT IS ENOUGH. It is.
It’s not about me being negative, and forgetting what I have. It’s about me absolutely knowing what I have so well that I’m not afraid to be honest about when it isn’t so perfect.
I want to support other parents when they are having a rough day.
So – to all you other parents out there who feel that anxiety rising up when someone tells you you might not be enjoying motherhood enough because it goes so fast…let it go.
Have confidence that you are enjoying what’s important. Let it go.
And, now that I have three kids, I am no denier that it does go by in the blink of an eye. But, I will savor what is most important. Don’t you worry. This mama does not let the happy moments pass her by.
And, I bet you’re not letting them pass you by either.
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Resonating words………………x
That little girl has a great smile, gummy and toothy!
This post reminds me that I meant to write a scathing post about the tooth fairy and how she keeps forgetting to show up when Ace loses a tooth.
haha! That would be a good one! I look forward to it. Yeah, with her first, we were careful. But, I’m sure they will start dropping out like crazy and I’m worried about that too!
As you savor the joy of this momentous occasion I am having one of those days where I want to run far far away from my kids who don’t want to seem to listen to a thing I say. Can we switch days tomorrow please?? 🙂
ha! I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll have one of those days tomorrow. :/
Totally get it. And you know what I’m learning with a 13 year old, a 12 year old and an 8 year old? That it’s almost impossible to enjoy most of it when you’re in the middle of it. Sort of like a Monet, when you’re too close to the picture you have no freaking idea what it is, but back up several feet and it’s gorgeous. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s sort of like birth – impossible to drum up the pain of childbirth, but you can rile up the happiness of holding your baby for the first time in a heartbeat. 🙂 And those sappy all the time moms? – they are totally full of shizz.
I don’t know. I’ve wondered if those moms are actually just really sappy and they can’t help it.
It’s possible. I’m a dork face and can’t help it at all. True story.
I really love your honesty. And I’ll be honest: I’m quite skeptical of people who only ever talk about how wonderful their life is. And like you, I skip over blog posts that are all positive and smarmy. It makes me want to throw up. I wonder how much of it is “positivity” and how much of it is “denial” that sometimes they want to chuck their kids out the window. I would be very skeptical of people telling me that they’re worried I’m not enjoying the good times. I love your “negative” posts and while I’m not even religious, I often say to myself: AMEN!!!!
Thank you! But, honestly, I’ve wondered if there are just more positive people than me and it wouldn’t hurt me to be a little more positive. I mean, some people are really positive. REALLY positive. I don’t understand those people, but I do believe they exist.
Lol ???? I think the same thing!
I think it helps to read that other moms are going through the same “shizz” storm as we are. I even noticed I let go of a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I think as moms we feel vulnerable to the “I’m not enough version of who we think we should be”. It sucks to feel that way and to think that other moms think that of you or of themselves. So it’s nice to see that there’s other moms that get it!!! That aren’t just putting up a facade of I’m perfect bs. It talkes a lot to admit that I’m not meeting this high standard of expectations that seem to hover over moms. Some days I don’t care and I actually thrive but other days I feel that lack of everything I didn’t meet and it feels bad. It feels like I’m not doing enough or trying hard enough and it just leads to a cycle of guilt versus to do lists to full fill said expectations and guilt again once I don’t. So just want to say thanks to all of you moms that are brace enough to be ok with admitting that you’re just getting by some days. It reminds me of what’s really important and it’s not my unrealistic to do lists lol.
I don’t think you’re negative (does that mean I’m negative?). I read good and bad and everything in between.
People that are truly negative don’t see the good in the bad, which you always do. If someone thinks that you are missing the good obviously doesn’t actually read your blog religiously. You have beautifully written and wonderful posts full of the joys more often than not.
I agree!! Of course I’m not perfect and I can definitely be negative at times but I try to find the good eventually!
Well said. I tend to be disturbingly optimistic, but I also think that the mommyhood thing is ridiculously hard sometimes. Nice to know I’m not the only one. 🙂 And you’re right.. there is at least one happy moment everyday!!
I have to catch myself too, when I’m found in too much negativity…and I have to be careful IRL and in blog-land that I don’t create friendships based on ‘trauma bonds’ (where you get stuck only talking about negativity. I’ve had co-workers that have remained friends but somehow we STILL five years later go back to talking about (ok, bitching about) the last few months in our office…because that is the foundation for our friendship, and I don’t like it.
Also, I’ve had a hard week, but then Potamus walked around the block (mostly) unassisted and I felt like…whoa…this is awesome.
You always make me feel better Meredith, thank you ❤
Aww. So glad. Thanks for always leaving sweet comments, too!
So, so true!!