Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Babies & Toddlers Encouragement Inspiration

Why You Really Should Enjoy Every Second. Even Though You Won’t.

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I received some heartbreaking news recently that a young mother I knew passed away from lung cancer. It hit me hard not because I was particularly close with her, (although she did live with my husband and I for a short time while she was a missionary for our church) but because I ached with all the missed moments she would never have with her little girl.

She was in her 20’s and her daughter was around two years old.

As I was scrolling through her Facebook feed after hearing of her passing, I had to hold back the tears. And, when I got to one photo in particular, it took my breath away. She was in a hospital, holding her daughter, and obviously very close to the end.

In the next room, my 9 year old lay asleep trying to recover from an awful stomach bug that had worked it’s way through my three children in the week prior, and I suddenly felt overwhelmed with gratitude to just be able to take care of my sick kids that were throwing up. A couple of years ago, a stomach bug would have sent me into a panic attack. Now, I was suddenly saying thank you.

Thank you for the stomach bug. Funny, thought isn’t it?

But, at least I was here with my daughter. I was able to give her a bath and wash her hair for her when she was sick. I was able to comfort my boys as they ran back and forth to the bathroom. I was able to do everything that this young mother was not going to be able to do for her child ever again.

And, suddenly, I got it. In that moment, I felt it. I really should enjoy every moment.

I hate it when people say that to me, but suddenly, I understood it all.

I thought of a family member who has a baby in the hospital fighting all kinds of issues, and I felt grateful that my kids’ illnesses would seem like a distant memory in just a few weeks. I felt grateful that they are healthy and strong, and can run and jump. In the grand scope of their childhood, a stomach bug is just a little hiccup.

I should enjoy every moment watching them leap, jump, twirl, and play.

And, I thought of another mother I know struggling with infertility and bitterness, wishing she could get pregnant. Wishing her house was full of chaos and loads of children like mine is.

I should enjoy the messes and craziness, and wildness that this stage of life is serving up every single day.

BUT…

I’m imperfect and I take things for granted. I forget that I have it so good. I get wrapped up in my own personal struggles with mothering, and I sometimes wish it all away. I can’t possibly enjoy every second even though I should.

The one thing I can offer though is that I will try to remember. I will count blessings, and freckles on their faces from time to time. I will sometimes say thank you for that sickness that ruined my plans for the entire week, instead of groaning inside.

I will try to sit back from time to time and just look at my kids and take in the miracle that motherhood offers up on a silver platter if you open your eyes to it.

I will snuggle one more time when they ask me to.

I will read one more story, and get one more drink, and take one more deep breath trying not to yell.

I will try not to complain on days when I really want to.

I will say thank you for the annoyingness of growing kids that push your buttons, and for the toys that litter my hallways.

I will appreciate the ease with which I had the three kids I have, and not take it for granted on some days. Not all days, because I’m imperfect. But, every day, I will try.

I just hope that those that see me taking things for granted know that I see them in their struggles. I know I’ve got it good. And, I’m trying the best I can. Because, I DO know I should enjoy every second. I do. And, I want to with all my heart.

I want to be that mom that never complains, or makes mistakes. I want to be the mom that enjoys every second (By the way, I know I never will.)

But, it’s not what is expected of me as a mother. Of any of us. I’m grateful for that mercy. Because, God is good, and full of grace, and knows I’m imperfect, and fallible, and selfish sometimes.

But, I promise I won’t forget to try. I will always be trying. Because, of course, I should enjoy every moment. Life is precious, and fleeting, and changes in a moment. And, I will promise to try harder for the mom that doesn’t have the chance to enjoy those moments anymore.

We won’t enjoy every second. It’s impossible. But, we can try to be reminded that it’s all beautiful and we’re lucky to live it. Because we are.

***

Meredith Ethington is the founder and creator of Perfection Pending, and has been blogging for over 10 years. She is a mom to three, and is desperately trying to help her kids understand sarcasm, and her need for personal space. She recently turned Perfection Pending into a contributor site to share the voices of all the fellow moms she admires. She is a freelance writer for sites like Scary Mommy, Babble, Huffington Post, and Momtastic. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.

 

 


1 Comment

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  1. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    January 31, 2018 at 11:32 am

    I love this. I feel this way, too! Also, when you look back on it, you actually kind of do realize you enjoyed every minute of it (at least more than you thought you did at the time.)

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebblei Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebbleice #adhd #momlifebelike
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
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