Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Book Review Family Giveaway Guest Bloggers Motherhood Parenting

4 Reasons Why Mommy Pacts are Better Than Mommy Wars (And a Giveaway!)

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I don’t have too many people guest post these days, but recently, I read an article titled, “Why I’m not Raising a Good Girl” by Galit Breen and loved it. Just a day or so later, an email popped up in my inbox asking me if I wanted to help her promote her book, Kindness Wins. I decided it was meant to be, so I said yes. Besides, I love anyone that can turn a negative experience into something positive! She’s an inspiring woman, and I hope you’ll keep reading because at the end, I’m going to tell you how you can enter to win a free copy of her book, that is a must-read for parents who want to keep their kids safe online!

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There are so many things I’ve learned in my decade or so of motherhood. Perfection is overrated; everyone has their worries; and pajamas are acceptable carpool-wear to name a few.

But one of the shiniest parenting gems that I keep tucked away in my pocket for when I need it most—which happens so very often as my kids get older–is that we’re all better off when we approach parenting together.

Here are four reasons why mommy pacts are better than mommy wars.

  1. All good ideas come from the parent next door. I learned this as a teacher, as a wife, and as a mom of young children. And I believe it’s so very true when it comes to parenting older kids as well. Other people’s parenting strategies are tested and approved and, more often than not, when tweaked just a teeny-tiny bit become ready-to-use for us.
  1. Vulnerability feels good. When we open up and share our wins and our oopses, our friends become free to do the same. This creates an in-it-togetherness that is (truly) golden.
  1. We’re modeling what we want our kids to mirror. I want my kids to grow up supportive of their friends, not in competition with them. They’re watching us for examples in how to be in this world. Let’s raise kind kids who build each other up who, in turn, will grow up to be kind adults who do the same.
  1. Our kids are maneuvering terrain that’s much too big for us to cover alone. They have digital footprints. They’re on apps that we’ve barely heard of. They have access to more information than our parents ever imagined they would (or could). If we team up and watch out for each other’s kids, we all benefit.

I went to dinner with a friend the other night. Over yummy drinks and yummier food we talked about the things that fill our days and our hearts–marriage, books, pretty pins, and, of course, our kids.

We shared the silly and the lovely and the scary and when the conversation turned to our kids’ social media use, she looked at me and said, “Let’s tell each other when we see things going on with them” and I thought YES. ABSOLUTELY YES.

mommy-pacts-pin

We have to be in this together. I’m not sure that we can go at this one alone.

Instead of me watching out for my kid online and you watching out for yours, what if we all watched out for each other’s kids and they got the benefit of all of our support?

This is why each chapter of my book, Kindness Wins has a Parent-to-Parent conversation component. We can make a pact to talk about the hard things with each other to benefit all of our kids. Our kids, our problems, our parenting, our–and their–benefit.

You can learn more about how I came to write Kindness Wins in this Buzzfeed article, How A Blogger Went From Being Fat Shamed To Landing A Book Deal—In Less Than One Year, and learn more about the book itself on my blog, Kindness Wins on TheseLittleWaves.com.

galit-breen-headshot-photo-credit-nicole-spangler-photographyGalit Breen was a classroom and reading teacher for ten years. She has a master’s degree in education and a bachelor’s degree in human development. In 2009, she launched a career as a freelance writer entrenched in social media. Since then, her work has been featured in various online magazines including Brain, Child, The Huffington Post, TIME, and xoJane. Breen lives in Minnesota with her husband, three children, and a ridiculously spoiled miniature golden doodle. You can learn more about Galit by visiting TheseLittleWaves.com. Her first book, Kindness Wins, is a simple, no-nonsense guide to teaching our kids how to be kind online. Find here on Facebook and Twitter too. 

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I for one, can’t wait to read her book! I’m SO worried about the issue of bullying and keeping my kids safe online, and YOU can win a copy too! Just fill out the form below. And, the best part is for those who enter the giveaway but don’t win, she’d like to offer a free Lemons to Lemonade Party and Book Discussion Guide if they choose to buy Kindness Wins. Win – win for everyone right? I will announce the winner on my FB page on Monday morning! So make sure you’re following me on FB.

Here’s a blurb about the book:

kindness-wins-final-cover

If kindness wins, accountability rules. The need for this mantra is never clearer than when scrolling through posts and comments left online.

Approximately four out of ten kids (42 percent) have experienced cyberbullying. When we were young, our bullies weren’t usually strangers. They were the kids who passed mean notes about us in class, the ones who didn’t let us sit at their table during lunch, and the ones who tripped us in the hallway or embarrassed us in gym class. Cyberbullying isn’t all that different from the playground bullying of our youth and nightmares. But with social media, our bullies have nonstop access to us–and our kids. In fact, we’re often “friends” with our bullies online.

When freelance writer Galit Breen’s kids hinted that they’d like to post, tweet, and share photos on Instagram, Breen took a look at social media as a mom and as a teacher and quickly realized that there’s a ridiculous amount of kindness terrain to teach and explain to kids―and some adults―before letting them loose online. So she took to her pen and wrote a how-to book for parents who are tackling this issue with their kids.

Kindness Wins covers ten habits to directly teach kids as they’re learning how to be kind online. Each section is written in Breen’s trademark parent-to-parent-over-coffee style and concludes with resources for further reading, discussion starters, and bulleted takeaways. She concludes the book with two contracts―one to share with peers and one to share with kids. Just like we needed to teach our children how to walk, swim, and throw a ball, we need to teach them how to maneuver kindly online. This book will help you do just that.

Kindness Wins is available for preSALE right now on Amazon.com.

If a kindle isn’t your thing, Kindness Wins be available on April 7th in print and in all digital options or you can download a FREE kindle reading app to take advantage of the sale price and read Kindness Wins on any device. You can get that free app right here!

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GOOD LUCK!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


18 Comments

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Comments

  1. Galit Breen says

    March 17, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    Thank you so, so much for hosting me today, Meredith! You’re so very gracious and kind (!)–it’s truly lovely to be here!

    Reply
  2. Kristi Campbell says

    March 17, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    I am so looking forward to reading this! Thanks for a chance to win!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 17, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      Kristi! Thank you so much for being here! It’s always lovely to see your pretty smile! And your note? Made my day! Thank you so much for it!

      Reply
  3. Jessie says

    March 17, 2015 at 11:22 pm

    Sounds like a book we all need, I’d love to read a copy!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 18, 2015 at 4:32 am

      Thank you so much for the note, jessie! Day, made! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Jhanis says

    March 18, 2015 at 6:44 am

    Supporting each other is way better instead of judging others because they parent differently. We can all learn from each other! Great post.
    Oh, I’d love to read a copy of the book, is this giveaway open worldwide? 🙂

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      March 18, 2015 at 8:33 am

      I think it will be in electronic form, so I don’t see why not! 🙂

      Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 19, 2015 at 8:35 am

      I am so with you! There’s just so much to learn from each other! And I think Meredith is 100% right–the giveaway is open to everyone!

      Reply
  5. Denise G. says

    March 18, 2015 at 8:34 am

    My girls don’t need this book yet, but I imagine once they are old enough to get on the internet, this book will be a fabulous resource.

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 19, 2015 at 8:40 am

      Thank you so much for your note! I so love your words! A fabulous resource for kindness–that is a perfect description of something I want to be a part of!

      Reply
  6. Chris Carter says

    March 18, 2015 at 9:46 am

    OOOOH!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE GALIT and I cannot WAIT to read her book!!! I need to buy it ASAP and support such an incredible message, from an amazing writer with a HUGE heart.

    I’m totally entering this giveaway!!

    I am SO glad you shared this, Meredith!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 19, 2015 at 8:45 am

      Oh you are a love! Thank you, my sweet friend, so very much! xo

      Reply
  7. mary says

    March 18, 2015 at 9:49 am

    love this! we DO need to love and support each other. I’m always grateful for when we do and feel horrible when I fall short. I’m looking forward to learning more about and reading this book! Thanks for the recommendation!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 19, 2015 at 8:48 am

      I love this note so much, Mary! Like you, I always feel badly if/when I realize I’ve fallen short here! I suppose once we notice this, though, we can do better!

      Reply
  8. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    March 18, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    Definitely some ideas we all need to remember!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 19, 2015 at 8:49 am

      Hi Lisa! I’m so with you–so important! Thanks so much for the note!

      Reply
  9. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says

    March 19, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I am so looking forward to this book. There is nothing that irks me more than this “mommy wars” stuff because we all do so much better when we help one another. So often the person we think is working against us turns out to be just as relieved as we are that we are all speaking the same language. Can’t wait!

    Reply
    • Galit Breen says

      March 20, 2015 at 4:40 am

      Lisa, I think you’re so spot on! More often than not, people surprise us with their *goodness!* Reaching out is HUGE! Thanks so much for this note, it brightened my morning!

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
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Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

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"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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