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By Meredith Ethington

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Parenting Parenting Tips Practical Tips

8 Surefire Ways To Raise A Confident Girl

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It took me a long time to gain my own self-confidence. I’m almost 40 years old, and I’m still working on it, let’s be honest here. But, when I think about my own daughter and the thing I want to teach her first and foremost is to be confident.But, how do you raise a confident girl? What’s the secret?

I’m no expert, and I’m learning as I go, but I do see some sparks of confidence my girl has that I didn’t growing up. Part of that is her own personality, but I do think a parent’s role in raising her girl has a lot to do with how confident they become. Let’s just hope she doesn’t end up too confident and on a reality TV show one day. I’d love her anyway, of course.

But, here are some ideas for raising a confident girl. You’d be surprised at how simple yet, sometimes difficult they really are.

Model Confidence – This is easier said than done of course, but the modeling will be remembered. Maybe the words you say won’t, but if your girl sees that you’re confident in who you are, she’s more likely to become confident herself.

Don’t talk about your body in a negative way – It’s hard not to lament to your husband, girlfriend, or mom on the phone about how you hate your thighs, or that you’ve gained 5 lbs. Make sure you aren’t within earshot of your girl. If you’re dieting, try to emphasize that you’re getting healthy, not trying to get skinny.

Get your daughter into sports – There is nothing that will help boost a child’s confidence quite like being on a team sport. It teaches lifelong skills, and will help her feel like she’s worked hard for something, and can achieve hard things.

Praise her for things other than how she looks – If we want to raise girls that aren’t focus on their appearance for self-worth, then we have to teach our girls that there are lots of other things that give them worth. Talk about her integrity, or praise her for how she helped someone. Emphasize character traits you admire in her instead of focusing on her beautiful hair or eyelashes.

Focus on efforts instead of outcomes – It’s so easy to praise a kid for an A in school, or getting first place in a competition. But, winning or being the best isn’t always what matters. Try to teach your girl that her efforts are just as important, and if she’s putting forth her best effort, then she is achieving greatness.

Limit her social media as long as possible – My daughter is almost 11 and still does not have a smart phone. I’m going to hold out as long as possible. I’d like for her to wait until she is 16 and can get a job and pay for it herself, but the truth is, she’ll probably get one sooner. But, if you can limit your daughter’s exposure to social media longer, she will not be comparing herself to girls her own age. Her own confidence will grow as a result. Watch out for movies, music, magazines and books that objectify women, too.

Speak highly of other women – The old adage that if you can’t say anything nice is meant for adults, too. Try not to talk poorly of other women. Especially of their appearance, or their shortcomings. If you talk badly about women around you, chances are your daughter will grow up doing the same thing to her friends. Teach her that building up her friends is better than tearing them down, but make sure you’re doing the same.

Focus on girl power – Help your girl feel like she can accomplish anything by giving her good female role models to look up to. This can be talking to her about women she’s learning about in school, or giving her books and movies with strong female characters. Go to the history books and talk about all the amazing women that have paved the way for her to become whatever she wants to become.

***

Want to talk about raising boys, too? Check out my post, I’m Not Just Raising Little Boys. I’m Trying to Raise Good Men. 


10 Comments

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Comments

  1. Chrissy says

    May 5, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Great advice. Mine are grown but I would recommend your advice to any mom!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      May 6, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  2. Jeannie D says

    May 5, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    What a fantastic post! Very true and wonderful advice! I hope and pray that I can instill all of that into my little girl and help her grow into a strong, confident woman. Thank you! ❤

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      May 6, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  3. Lisa @ TheGoldenSpoons says

    May 8, 2017 at 7:57 am

    I agree with all of these. I have three daughters and have tried to do these things with them – although, I struggle especially with the first two. With three daughters, it is amazing how different they are in their personalities and their levels of self confidence.

    Reply
  4. Omartin says

    November 16, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    I am a dad that wants to teach my 12 year old in the best way I can.

    Reply
  5. Grace says

    June 7, 2018 at 5:50 am

    I enjoyed reading this post. Great advice

    Reply
  6. Grace says

    June 7, 2018 at 5:54 am

    Great advice. Im learning to be more confident so I can set a good example to my kids.

    Thank you

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
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Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
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Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
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If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

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Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
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