The other day, I was shocked to realize how easy it was to list the similarities between a furry creature that lives in my house, and well….my son. The similarities are striking, and while you wouldn’t expect cats and small children to have a lot in common. They are pretty much the same person in very different bodies. Here are 10 Ways my cat and my preschooler must share a soul. Or, maybe they’re conspiring against me and I need to get out of the house more often.
They are both master interrupters. They both try to type on my keyboard while I am. They lay down on my work as I’m trying to do it. They both have an uncanny ability to interrupt me anytime I’m doing something important. Cat: Excuse me while I lay on your laptop. Preschooler: Excuse me while I poke you in the eyeball 25 times while you’re looking at your laptop.
They both try to mess up my bed while I’m making it. Cat: Climbs under the sheets while I am making my bed. Preschooler: Jumps on the bed while I’m trying to make it up.
They both change their minds a lot. Cat: She stares at me expectantly all day long. She sits by the door, so I think she wants me to let her out, then turns around and saunters away from said door. Repeat 13 times during the day. Preschooler: Mommy, I want my sandwich cut into squares. *Cuts sandwich into squares* NOT LIKE THAT!!!
They both pretend to be the other species. You might think it’s cute to see a four year old licking up his water like a kitty, but it’s actually kind of messy and weird. Especially when he later insists on walking around on all fours and you feeding him his lunch on the floor. Sidenote: The cat likes to sit at the table like a human.
They both don’t care about anyone else but themselves. Cats are notorious for being narcissists. So, are preschool aged children. Four year olds are closet sociopaths that think the world revolves around them. It kind of does. His mood dictates my day whether I like it or not. Because the wrath of a preschooler is something most parents don’t want to face.
They interrupt my sleep in inappropriate ways. Cat in the middle of the night: I know I was sleeping blissfully on your bed five minutes ago, but now that you’re asleep, I’m going to play with this plastic bag in the corner and wake you up. Preschooler in the middle of the night frantically calling me to his bedside: “I just missed you.”
They both bring stuff from the outside in that does not belong. Cat: Baby squirrels, chipmunks, live birds, and dead animals are all things she has lovingly placed on the front steps of my house or in my house for me to admire. Preschooler: Rocks, sticks, leaves, cigarette butts, chewed gum they found at the park, bottle caps, anything shiny, dirt, carcasses of snails, and basically any other random object you could imagine are all free game for a preschooler to bring home.
They think I am their physical property. Personal space is not a term my cat knows, or my preschooler. As I was working the other day, my four year old literally sat down beside me holding my arm disabling the use of my right arm while he stroked my arm with his face. My cat is basically a jerk all the time. If I sit, she thinks I’m creating a chair for her, and if I move, she feels the need to pounce.
They follow me around the house, but don’t really need anything. The cat is lurking around every corner. Just watching. So is my preschooler. I went to the bathroom while he was playing and seconds later I could hear the pitter patter of his little feet looking for me. “Mommy?! Mommy?! Mommy?! Mommy?!” I finally yelled from the toilet, “WHAT? I’M IN THE BATHROOM! What do you need?” His response: Nothing. I was just looking for you.
I think if this post has taught me anything, though, it’s that I need to get out more, and stop letting my cat and my preschooler control me. What would you add to the list?