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I remember being a kid and always worrying about what other people thought. I remember not being able to go to sleep before all my dresser drawers were shut. (OCD much?) I remember getting up in the middle of the night and going through a dark house at a very young age and checking that all the doors were locked. I remember the need to please. Constantly. I remember feeling like the peacemaker in my family even though no one gave me that responsibility.
It’s not that I ever thought I was actually going to achieve perfection, in fact, I don’t think that thought has ever crossed my mind in a literal sense. Yet, many of my actions as I look back in my 35 years of life have stemmed from the need to have this certain perfect image portrayed. I mean, geez, I named my blog faking picture perfect partially because that’s what I’ve felt I had to do my whole life. Even though no one but me was telling me that.
It affected me in good ways like how I was a good student. I achieved good things. I am a self-reflective mom. But, it also affected me very negatively. Like how I felt worry and guilt all the time. Even as a kid. If circumstances were beyond my control, I frequently didn’t recognize it, and I would still worry, stress, try to fix things. I still do this today sometimes.
Yet, the difference between a worrying 11 or 12 year old and a worrying 35 year old is that I’ve had enough life lessons to realize that perfection is never going to come. And, that there are certain things that are absolutely out of my control. However, despite being an adult and knowing this deep down, the need to please is always there.
Yet, I believe that God did not put me on this earth to be absolutely perfect. In fact, I know I will not attain that in this life if we are speaking from a religious point of view. Yet, I’m a member of a religion that always talks about how we are striving for perfection. Sure, we’re also taught that it’s OK if we aren’t perfect, but this idea that we need to follow the example of Christ (who was perfect) always lurks in the back of the mind of someone like me that always feels the need to be perfect. There can be feelings of disappointment when we screw up (like we all do) and that can lead to depressing thoughts.
BUT, I loved this quote I saw floating around FB the other day. Because it’s kind of my mantra these days. I am meant to be real. True to who I am. Not perfect, but real.
I believe that being real means that I still try to do my best, and be a decent human being, but also accept my faults. Accept the fact that when I scrubbed my tub today after a REALLY long time, it was OK that a thick film came off of it. That I can be honest when others make me upset, I can stop sugar-coating, and stop worrying about who is outside looking in. I can have friends that don’t care if there is food splattered on my stove. Forget the judgments, and realize that my life is about being real and true to me. Not perfect. Just real.
Being real is one of the best parts of growing up. Don’t you think?
As a Life Coach I MUST tell you that you are on the right track!
Good for you! Good for you!
Coach Arthur
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com
Love this one. I think that maybe we are all perfect in our imperfection. 🙂 Great post.
Yes we strive to emulate Christ however, religion has taught us we strive for perfection, not God. God gave His Son Jesus BECAUSE He know the wages of sin is death, BECAUSE He knew we would never be perfect and could never live up to a set of 10 perfect rules, the 10 Commandments. The 10 Commandments was a covenant between God and the people of Israel. God knew the world needed a savior so He gave us Jesus, the 2nd covenant. There can not be 2 covenants. Its like a marriage. You have to be divorced to one person before you can enter another marriage (covenant) We have been divorced to the 10 commandments as we have been given Jesus our 2nd covenant. THEREFORE, God NEVER expects us to live up to the 10 commandments because they are “in a perfect world” and we are not. Thats where GRACE comes in. God gives us grace, not that we have free reign to go around doing bad things and then excusing ourselves that “we have grace” but that when we do fall that Our Father already knew that we would fall because He knows ALL things and that that sin and all the future sins that we will commit HAVE ALREADY been forgiven.
Give yourself Grace!
Hopefully you didn’t misunderstand what we believe. Mormons also believe that it is only through Christ and His grace that we can return and live with God again. So, of course I believe that He ultimately knows all that we will do to sin and will forgive us for it. But, we also believe that He expects us to do everything we can to follow Him, obey his commandments, and keep the covenants we make with Him and strive to be like him (even though we will never be perfect). We believe that’s why we came to earth in the first place. To try to be like Him.
Yes I also agree with that also recognizing that there is nothing we can do to earn our way to heaven except through accepting Christ as Lord of our life. My comment was simply an encouragement that whenever the thought comes in that you have not achieved perfection, to remind yourself there is Grace, essentially to not be too hard on yourself. I hope this word was received as an encouragement. Bless you
It definitely was received as words of encouragement! I just think sometimes traditional Christians don’t think Mormons believe in the concept of Grace. However, sometimes I think it isn’t talked about enough in my religion. Thank you for your words of encouragement!
I understand what you mean… I try to assume that most people dont understand grace and share it… that way if they already get it, no harm done, but if they dont they may receive a revelation of how God is a great God who Loves them and is not mad at them. For even many Christians (which if you believe Christ is your saviour you are one too) dont have the revelation of Grace. I was a christian for 4 years before I really believed that God Loved me. May sound weird but many live with constant condemnation which unfortunately often comes for church going people. I see Christianity not as my ‘religion’ but as my way of life. (Like you said trying to be the best me, emulating Christ daily) Many ‘Law’ based churches use religious ways as a form of control and Im glad that the place you go to fellowship and spend time with God is teaching you about Grace. What a blessing to know what He has really done for us!
Strides, princess, making strides. I think that letting go and not trying to control every little thing as a parent has made me a happier person. 🙂
It’s hard, and I catch myself all of the time trying to grab those reigns again, but simply allowing life and love to take it’s course it so freeing.
As long as you are trying and you are improving…you ARE perfect!
Sadly we learn to be less real as we grow up!!!
You think? Well, of course less real than when we are children, but I think there is a big difference between adolescence and where I am now….I feel like I am more “real” now than I have been for a long time.
maybe when i am of your age I will feel the same way… Right now let me deal with the teenage years!!! 🙂