Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Humor Inspiration Mom Life Motherhood Perfection

Be A Hot Mess Mom – All The Cool Moms Are Doing It

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Sometimes I think all I am is the hot mess mom.

I was at the pediatrician’s office once and saw a mom walk in with her two kids. She was so put together. And cute. She had her hair up, but in a cute way. A stylish coat with a scarf. Knee high boots covering her skinny jeans. Cute earrings. A full face of make-up (like lipstick, even). Cute diaper bag. And two kids that were dressed like they stepped out of a Gap Kids catalog.

And, I couldn’t help but look down at my thrown on t-shirt with a hole in it, and raggedy old fleece jacket (I have cute coats and scarves, too) and feel like, “Geez. I could work on making myself look a little better.”  I felt inferior. I felt like the hot mess mom for sure.

That was several years ago, and since then, I almost feel like a revolution has happened. A hot mess mom revolution. We’re proudly flaunting the fact that we belong to the hot mess express. (I mean, I do belong to that some days)

Sounds ridiculous, I know, but take a look through social media (mine and everyone else’s) it seems like this is the trend.

We’re all sharing our list of hot mess mom failures online.

I dropped my kids off braless at school and I wasn’t even wearing real pants. 

Forgot piano lessons. Again. 

Kids ate chicken nuggets. Again. 

I drink wine every night just to survive. 

We eat cereal for dinner more than your kids eat cereal for dinner. 

I AM GUILTY OF CREATING THIS PERSONA ONLINE TOO. Because, it’s funny. And, we’d rather laugh about our laundry piles than actually fold them, right? I mean, I’ve made my fair share of hot mess memes.

I’ve built my whole blog, book, online presence around embracing imperfection. Because I believe in it. And, it also makes me feel better to know I don’t have to have it all together all the time. I don’t have to be perfect, and I want other moms to know that, too.

It’s OK to be the hot mess mom.

It really is. (Hallelujah for that)

But, there’s a difference between being a hot mess mom for real, and being a hot mess mom because it’s cool.

Hot Mess Moms

We are all the hot mess mom sometimes and we’re all the mom that has it all together sometimes.

Motherhood is this complex, beautiful thing. It’s messy one day, and organized the next. It’s frustrating and joyous. It’s a constant tug of war on our emotions, and it’s a constant tug of war on us.

Some days we rock it, and other days we fail. We can’t define motherhood in one persona or caricature  or “type” of mom. It’s just too complicated for that. And, we need to embrace the hot mess part of ourselves when she is present, and embrace the June Cleaver we she shows up, too.

I just don’t get why anyone needs to pretend to be a bad parent. Aren’t there enough truly bad parents out there?

If you’ve got your crap together one day, don’t be afraid to admit. Pat yourself on the back. Share that picture on social media (if you want) Point out to your husband that you didn’t yell once that day and you’re pretty damn proud of yourself. Post a food picture even if you must. Celebrate that your kid ate the broccoli at dinner.

That’s a huge deal.

And, on the days you don’t have your crap together? Hide in the closet. No. I’m kidding. You can join the hot mess moms club without shame on those days, too.  I say share it, because it DOES help moms feel less alone in their struggles. We all have them.

Hot mess Mom

But, we all have our parenting victories, too.

Let’s just stop this “movement” of mediocrity before it sends us all down a slippery slope into lazy ass parenting. Because, frankly, we don’t want that to become a “thing” do we? Of course not.

We can be the hot mess some days and try way harder the next. But, if we keep pretending to be the hot mess when we aren’t, and maybe even pushing out the agenda of celebrating the hot mess mom, we’re being just as fake as the perfect moms with white carpets  on Instagram that dress their kids in pastels from head to toe. I’m convinced anyway that there must be a ratty old couch in the basement that they really use instead of the cream one in the pictures.

Yes, let’s let go of perfectionism. But, let’s not celebrate apathy, and crappy parenting.

There’s got to be a balance in there somewhere, and I believe the balance is this.

Be You.

Be positive on the days you feel like sharing positivity an be a grump on the days you feel like being a grump.

Don’t strive for the perfect pastel Instagram profile. Share that damn basement couch, too. Do both.

Motherhood isn’t one sided. We aren’t just a hot mess mom. We kick butt sometimes, too. Yes, it gets a laugh, but let’s do more than laugh. Let’s celebrate all the times we got it right, too. Where we remembered the permission slip. Where we crafted a perfect meal from Pinterest and everyone ate it (I know, I’m getting carried away here).

I want my kids to be able to laugh at their failures AND celebrate their victories.

So, let’s just be us, OK mamas? That’s the revolution I want to see.

 

Meredith Ethington is a writer and a mom to three, trying to help her kids understand sarcasm and her need for personal space. Meredith’s debut parenting book, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, provides an uplifting yet realistic look at all that is expected of moms in the 21st century and is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at Absolute Love Publishing. She proudly writes for many of her favorite parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Babble, Momtastic, and on her own blog. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.

 

 

 


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Cindy says

    April 19, 2022 at 1:33 pm

    I don’t have a choice. Being a hot mess mom comes just as. Partially thanks to my ADHD that my child most likely inherited. 😋

    Reply
  2. Jan says

    December 28, 2022 at 9:07 am

    Cheers to the hot mess moms who can pull it together when necessary!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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