Sometimes I think all I am is the hot mess mom.
I was at the pediatrician’s office once and saw a mom walk in with her two kids. She was so put together. And cute. She had her hair up, but in a cute way. A stylish coat with a scarf. Knee high boots covering her skinny jeans. Cute earrings. A full face of make-up (like lipstick, even). Cute diaper bag. And two kids that were dressed like they stepped out of a Gap Kids catalog.
And, I couldn’t help but look down at my thrown on t-shirt with a hole in it, and raggedy old fleece jacket (I have cute coats and scarves, too) and feel like, “Geez. I could work on making myself look a little better.” I felt inferior. I felt like the hot mess mom for sure.
That was several years ago, and since then, I almost feel like a revolution has happened. A hot mess mom revolution. We’re proudly flaunting the fact that we belong to the hot mess express. (I mean, I do belong to that some days)
Sounds ridiculous, I know, but take a look through social media (mine and everyone else’s) it seems like this is the trend.
We’re all sharing our list of hot mess mom failures online.
I dropped my kids off braless at school and I wasn’t even wearing real pants.
Forgot piano lessons. Again.
Kids ate chicken nuggets. Again.
I drink wine every night just to survive.
We eat cereal for dinner more than your kids eat cereal for dinner.
I AM GUILTY OF CREATING THIS PERSONA ONLINE TOO. Because, it’s funny. And, we’d rather laugh about our laundry piles than actually fold them, right? I mean, I’ve made my fair share of hot mess memes.
I’ve built my whole blog, book, online presence around embracing imperfection. Because I believe in it. And, it also makes me feel better to know I don’t have to have it all together all the time. I don’t have to be perfect, and I want other moms to know that, too.
It’s OK to be the hot mess mom.
It really is. (Hallelujah for that)
But, there’s a difference between being a hot mess mom for real, and being a hot mess mom because it’s cool.
We are all the hot mess mom sometimes and we’re all the mom that has it all together sometimes.
Motherhood is this complex, beautiful thing. It’s messy one day, and organized the next. It’s frustrating and joyous. It’s a constant tug of war on our emotions, and it’s a constant tug of war on us.
Some days we rock it, and other days we fail. We can’t define motherhood in one persona or caricature or “type” of mom. It’s just too complicated for that. And, we need to embrace the hot mess part of ourselves when she is present, and embrace the June Cleaver we she shows up, too.
I just don’t get why anyone needs to pretend to be a bad parent. Aren’t there enough truly bad parents out there?
If you’ve got your crap together one day, don’t be afraid to admit. Pat yourself on the back. Share that picture on social media (if you want) Point out to your husband that you didn’t yell once that day and you’re pretty damn proud of yourself. Post a food picture even if you must. Celebrate that your kid ate the broccoli at dinner.
That’s a huge deal.
And, on the days you don’t have your crap together? Hide in the closet. No. I’m kidding. You can join the hot mess moms club without shame on those days, too. I say share it, because it DOES help moms feel less alone in their struggles. We all have them.
But, we all have our parenting victories, too.
Let’s just stop this “movement” of mediocrity before it sends us all down a slippery slope into lazy ass parenting. Because, frankly, we don’t want that to become a “thing” do we? Of course not.
We can be the hot mess some days and try way harder the next. But, if we keep pretending to be the hot mess when we aren’t, and maybe even pushing out the agenda of celebrating the hot mess mom, we’re being just as fake as the perfect moms with white carpets on Instagram that dress their kids in pastels from head to toe. I’m convinced anyway that there must be a ratty old couch in the basement that they really use instead of the cream one in the pictures.
Yes, let’s let go of perfectionism. But, let’s not celebrate apathy, and crappy parenting.
There’s got to be a balance in there somewhere, and I believe the balance is this.
Be positive on the days you feel like sharing positivity an be a grump on the days you feel like being a grump.
Don’t strive for the perfect pastel Instagram profile. Share that damn basement couch, too. Do both.
Motherhood isn’t one sided. We aren’t just a hot mess mom. We kick butt sometimes, too. Yes, it gets a laugh, but let’s do more than laugh. Let’s celebrate all the times we got it right, too. Where we remembered the permission slip. Where we crafted a perfect meal from Pinterest and everyone ate it (I know, I’m getting carried away here).
I want my kids to be able to laugh at their failures AND celebrate their victories.
So, let’s just be us, OK mamas? That’s the revolution I want to see.