I want to be famous. No wait. I don’t want to be famous.
I want to be a writer that people love and admire. No wait. I don’t want to do that either.
I’m so confused.
You see, I have discovered several things about my blog that make it so “real” that it might just be boring.
1- I don’t have a cool camera. Therefore, my pictures are usually blurry. Or have bad lighting. Or are washed out by the flash. AND- I frequently find a dirty mirror in the background, or a crayon scribble on the wall behind the subject (I mean stuffed animal) I am trying to take a picture of. It’s OK. I play it off as “keeping it real”.
2- I don’t do DIY tutorials. I really don’t do DIY anything. I have become that Mom that microwaves hot dogs. I did that for the first time this week. I kid you not. I call my sister, “How do you microwave a hotdog?” She replied in a tone that was like, “You seriously just called me for this?” and said flatly, “You poke holes in it with a fork and cook it for one minute and make sure it doesn’t explode.” OH OK! Now I know how. Wait, did I just do my first DIY tutorial? You’re welcome.
3- I Know nothing about fashion. I wish I did. I got a pedicure yesterday. And, before you think I’m one of those moms that thinks pedicures are a necessary part of life, let me just say, I have medical reasons for why it is necessary. I swear! You don’t want to see that. Moving on. So, at my pedicure, I picked up a magazine. Glamour. It was chocked full of how to be a man magnet (there was literally a picture of a model with a magnet attached to her back and men attached to said magnet) and other such nonsense. And, I looked at the pages of “What’s in” in fashion and realized I’m not doing too bad. I mean, who knew that I was supposed to wear overly baggy tops with my skin tight jeans as a trend? I just thought I needed to lose a little more of that “baby” weight. Yes, I put that in quotations on purpose. So what if I wear normal jeans and call them “skinny jeans”. I mean, they’re skin tight, so I’m counting it. And here’s my attempt at the messy bun on top of your head that I saw in the magazine last night:
To achieve lighting in this post, simply sit in a basement with bad track lighting. You’re welcome.
Doesn’t it look A-MAZ-ING??? I think so. I especially love my smeared make-up. And, the frizzies at my hair line. It’s all part of “the messy look” I was going for. Oh, and you don’t see the bun on the TOP of my head? Oops. And before I forget…what I’m wearing. My top is from Target. Take THAT Glamour!
4- I don’t have an amazingly heartwarming/heartbreaking story. I mean, I might. You never know. Things can take a turn for the better or worse at any moment. But, my story is pretty ordinary, and people need to die first before I can share it, because I’m too afraid of offending people around me sharing “my” story.
5- I don’t homeschool, do crafty things, or cook fancy meals. If you want to know how to make a laundry basket last that has a split down one side (tip-just keep using it anyway) I’m your woman. Or, if you want to hear me complain about public schooling but not really get involved to change anything, then yep, that’s me too. Or, if you are DYING for some recipes, I do have a few over here. But, that died off real quick when I realized how much work it is to type up recipes. And take step by step pictures. Nobody’s got time for that.
So there ya go. Some reasons why my blog is super awesome boring.
But, the other day, as I logged in to see what my stats, I saw that my normal 85 views for the day had skyrocketed to 400 in just a matter of a couple of hours. WHAAAAT? I did a double take and thought, “What the crap!?” My first thought was that I had somehow mysteriously logged into someone else’s stats. No wait, that’s not possible. Then, what? I do the same thing I do everyday. Write a post, share it on FB with my 59 followers, pin it to Pinterest where no one looks at it, and hope that if I write it, they will miraculously find me.
The thing is, when I figured out what caused the glitch, it made me a little depressed. You see, on Thursday, I shared someone else’s writing on my blog. Granted, it was hilarious. But, I had done my research. Several people had shared it on facebook, and SEVERAL more people had put it on their blogs. So, no biggie. I didn’t think anyone would care about it that much, except maybe my few loyal followers might get a chuckle. But, I guess no one had ever posted it to…..You guessed it. Pinterest. Anyone else see the irony there?
So, Thursday my blog got 613 views. Friday 994. And as I write this post, I currently have already gotten 824 views. Now, I know this is small potatoes to all you big time bloggers out there, but to little ole me, it felt huge. Into my mind flashed the fantasy of book deals, and podcasts, and TV appearances. Yeah, I’m looking at you Scary Mommy. I saw you on the Today show.
The depressing part? It was for a post that I didn’t even write.
So, yeah, my blog is pretty awesome.
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