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By Meredith Ethington

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Having the Answers to Hard Questions Children Ask

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I’ve been thinking about a post for a while. Trying to dissect in my mind what would truly be important about it and why I feel compelled to write it in the first place.

One reason I started thinking about it is when everyone started changing their FB profile pictures to the equality symbol to signify the support of gay rights. I debated inwardly whether to say something. Do something. Whether or not to stand up for what I believe  (it just might surprise you) in that way. I chose to just keep quiet. I’m sure there were many factors at play. Maybe it was fear, the feeling that FB isn’t the place for those kinds of discussions with people I feel like either aren’t really a friend, or someone that I feel is super close to me and could just ask me where I stand on any issue…or maybe I just felt a little too tired to argue.

Some comments rubbed me the wrong way by friends who were changing their picture. Comments like, “People who are ignorant will figure it out someday” or something similar. To me, it felt like if I did not change my profile picture, then they were automatically assuming that they knew where I stood on something. This made me feel like I should do something or say something. But instead, I continued to keep quiet.

Now, this post is not meant to argue about my stance on gay rights. But, it is to argue about HOW and WHEN I decide to take a stand.

I believe social media demonstrations like that may make a difference to some. It raises awareness at a minimum and that can be important. I also think that for some people FB and other social media is a vital part of their lives. It is their lifeline to connect with people. No judgment on that either. However, just because I don’t change my picture when there is a facebook demonstration of some kind should not give others the open invitation to assume they know where I stand on an issue. Either for or against. If you want to know, ask me.

But, as a parent, I have been giving this issue, and many other issues some serious thought. Because the questions are coming.

I am a huge fan of the Ellen DeGeneres show. HUGE. I love her. I think she is one of the greatest, kindest human beings on the planet. And, she makes me laugh. When I’m having a bad day, I turn on her show. My kids watch it with me. They love her too. In fact, the other day, I was shopping for make-up and Kyle looked up and said, “Mommy! Mommy! There’s Ellen!” so excited to see her face on the cover girl aisle. And, just the other day, he asked me if she was a boy or a girl. So, he must notice there is something different about her. After all, she doesn’t exactly hide who she is. My point is, the questions are coming.

To me, what is important is not taking a stand on FB. It is not writing a beautiful post about where I stand (although I do love and admire those that do that because I love to write myself), but instead, it is about taking a stand in the place where it matters most in the world. My own home.

You see, since becoming a parent, I think about controversial issues a lot. Gay Rights. Gun control. Politics. World Hunger. Violence against children. Women’s Issues. The War on Feminism. Freedom of Speech. Religion. I think about it all. I’m not just a stay at home mom that has stopped using her brain. I can’t be. Because the questions are coming. 

What questions, you ask?

Well, if you have children, you know what I mean. Children question…well….everything.

In the beginning, they are simple. Why is the sky blue? Why do caterpillars turn into butterflies? Why do babies wear diapers? Why do some boys have long hair?

Then, they get harder. So, you better be prepared. Because while I believe it’s OK to tell kids you don’t know when they ask you something, these important issues aren’t going to go away. Because they’re….get this….this is going to be profound….important. See? I told you I was going to be profound. I don’t claim to have all the answers myself. In fact, I’m still learning.

That is why sometimes I remain silent.

It is not because I’m indifferent. It is not because I’m not willing to stand for something. It is not because I don’t care. Quite the contrary. In fact, I take learning the answers to these questions very seriously. Because I know that the questions are coming from the little people that I’m raising. And, they will come sooner than you will think.

Activists need to exist. Don’t get me wrong. Some people need to be protesting, and picketing, and joining a movement to make a difference. I just don’t feel that is my role to play right now at this time in my life.

Some issues, I know exactly where I stand. On other issues, I like to be open-minded. Read what other people say. Think about it. Pray about it. Put a little effort into using the brain God gave me. Because when the questions do come? You better believe a child can sense when you are feeding them a pile of garbage, and on the flip side, I believe that when children are being taught something that you really feel strongly about, they can feel that too. And ultimately, I want to teach them how to use their own brain, heart, and soul to make informed decisions.

But, I know this. The questions are coming. So, I’m working my butt off to have an answer when they do come. I’m focusing on taking a stand for something in my own home. With the people that matter most to me. I am determined to have at least some of the answers. Not to force my way of thinking, but instead to lead, guide, and walk beside my children as they learn to navigate the world.

So, don’t think I don’t care. And definitely don’t think that I think I have all the answers and am always right. Instead, know that I’m having these conversations where I believe they matter the most. First, with my spouse. Then, with my children. And, some things I am accepting that we’ll never know.

photo-3

Like how this ended up in my front yard this morning. A real starfish. Weird.


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Comments

  1. Kathy says

    April 12, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    Thank you for writing this. And for writing it so well.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 12, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      You are welcome! Thanks for the comment. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Liz @ TheLambentLife says

    April 12, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Meredith, this is wonderful. You said exactly what has been on my heart for a few months. I think a lot of folks misinterpret silence. I never, ever want to join a conversation just because I “should.”

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 12, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      Thanks for saying that. I was starting to wonder if I should have written the post. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Heather @ Sugar Dish Me says

    April 14, 2013 at 9:47 am

    Ooooh. i love this!! Perfectly put. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Meridith Ethington says

    April 14, 2013 at 10:12 am

    My sentiments exactly Meredith! Just because I too remain silent doesn’t mean I’m ignorant on these issues. I don’t like being pigeonholed like that. Beautiful, thoughtful post!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Working on figuring out my mission as we speak. ❤️
Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebblei Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebbleice #adhd #momlifebelike
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
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