Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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In the Motherhood Motherhood Parenting Parenting Tips Perfection Practical Tips

How to Let Yourself Be Without Letting Yourself Go

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One day, I took my boys to their well visit. I was sick myself.  I pulled out something cute(ish) to put on, and ultimately put it back deciding to commit the ultimate act of motherhood frumpiness, and threw on my sweats instead. I called it good.

And, you know what happened next, right? I ran into someone I know. And, of course, she was dressed adorable, and had her three precious kids in tow looking equally as cute. It was an easy opportunity for me to feel like a big loser, but instead, the thought didn’t even cross my mind. I said hello, chatted for a minute, and let it go.

It was later, at the grocery store, when I was trying to wipe the blue drool off the toddler’s face from his sucker before I got him out of the car, and a young couple (with no kids) was getting in the car next to me, and were waiting for me to take care of my child business, that I stopped and thought, “I wonder what kind of Mom they think I am.” I looked down at my sweats, and kind of chuckled at that thought. To an outsider, I could definitely look like a frumpy housewife that has sticky kids (it’s inevitable) and no longer cares about herself (not true).

But, the funny thing is, while I am admittedly having an off day, I feel like I care about myself even more now. More than I ever have. Because, it’s not that I don’t care about looking nice, but it’s more about not caring about those around me looking in anymore. They don’t know my story. And, right now, it’s about taking care of me and my kids. The rest is no one else’s business. And, if that means that one day I leave my house in sweats because I have eaten toast and sprite for the last 48 hours, and now have a cold on top of that. Then so be it.

But, it’s been a process to learn to let go of the perfection complex and embrace the idea of simply doing your best you can that day. As a young mom, I felt deflated if the baby had a blowout in her cute outfit and she had to run errands with me barefoot and in a plain white onesie. Today, I feel happy if my kids have their clothes on when we leave the house.

Sure, some might think this is a form of “letting yourself go” but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a form of “letting myself be.” Letting myself have an off day if I need one. Because, I’m allowed to have an off day too, right? After all, I did just spend an entire day hanging over the toilet, like ALL humans have to do from time to time. So, why not allow myself to be human.

Letting myself take as much time as I need wiping blue sucker drool off the face of my kid might slow the young couple next to me down, but aren’t I important too?

My son’s recent birthday party is a good example. I had decided to have a low key party and have it be pancakes and pajamas themed. The kids would come over at 9 am on Saturday in their PJs and eat pancakes, and have a dance party in the basement, and then it would be over.

But, then, I started to feel like that wasn’t enough. I decided I needed to decorate, and had plans to put cute little toothpick washi tape flags in every stack of pancakes.

Washi Tape Toothpic flags

I even enlisted my 7 year old to help make them. I also bought some pom poms that I as going to thread, string, and hang for decoration. And, I made a cute banner that I spent too much time on. Suddenly, this party had to be pinterest worthy and hand made. Admittedly, I had lost my marbles for a minute. And, when Friday night (the night before the party rolled around) and I just plain ran out of time, I left the pom poms sitting there. Unopened.

The morning of the party? No one cared about the decorations. 4 and 5 year olds care about pancakes and fun. Not decorations.

And, I could have felt like a failure, but I didn’t. I hosted 10 kids at my house and fed them all breakfast. That is no easy task, my friends. I let myself be. Which meant, I went to bed on Friday night when I was tired instead of stringing pom poms.

So, how do you get there? HOW do you let yourself be without feeling like a failure?

Ask yourself who’s standard are you trying to meet? If it’s yours, or God’s then, that’s OK. If it’s anyone else’s, then it’s time to re-evaluate the pressure you are putting on yourself.

Be perfect in something. Sounds hard right? Maybe one mom is perfect in always looking cute when she goes out. That works for her. But, maybe your perfection is that you never yell at your kids, or you never deny them a hug, or you always read a bed-time story. You have areas in your life where you are perfect, you just need to discover them, and remind yourself of them when you start the comparison game.

Ask yourself, “would I expect this level of perfection of my kids?” If the answer is no, then it probably means no for you too. Would you expect your kids to always say yes to a friend that doesn’t treat them equally as good? Then why expect it of yourself?

Go above and beyond sometimes. The key word there is sometimes!! Don’t do it always, but do it sometimes so that you can remember those times on days when you just can’t do it all.

Take care of yourself. You definitely don’t want to forget to brush your teeth or put normal clothes on regularly. That would be letting yourself go. Take time to remember that humans need and can look pretty too. But, don’t beat yourself up if it isn’t a daily affair.

It’s a process that takes time. I’m not perfect at it either. Far from it in fact. But, on the days that I do allow myself to “be” imperfect, I find myself a little more.


12 Comments

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Comments

  1. Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. says

    January 21, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Oh my gosh, I LOVED this! It’s very ironic timing, actually. I just wrote about a mild hang-up with my age and appearance, and my tendency to go places in sweats these days. You and I are on the same wavelength! Great minds… This was so honest and so inspiring, Meredith! Love!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 21, 2014 at 3:50 pm

      Thanks Stephanie! I have a cold, so wasn’t sure it made sense. ha!

      Reply
  2. The Waiting says

    January 21, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    “You have areas in your life where you are perfect, you just need to discover them, and remind yourself of them when you start the comparison game.”

    I so need to be reminded of that on a daily basis. My own mom told me very early in my daughter’s life that there were going to be days when I felt like I had no business at all being a parent and that I didn’t possess the skills to give her what she needs. She told me that when that happens, I have to remember that I am the best, most perfect mom C could ever have because God gave me to her. And it’s so true! I’m NOT perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but in those imperfects lies the parent my child needs.

    Loved this!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 21, 2014 at 7:44 pm

      Thanks Emily! 🙂 I totally believe that too, but it’s HARD to believe when we are losing patience with them and think someone else could definitely do it better. But, you’re absolutely right. They couldn’t.

      Reply
  3. Kathleen says

    January 21, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    One of the hardest lessons! I still have to remind myself its ok to just be, and just be a mom to my kids without going overboard on myself or them. Great post!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 21, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      THanks!

      Reply
  4. Cassidi Lundell says

    January 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Before becoming a parent you hear how tired you will be and how hard it is, but I think this blog sums up what I didn’t expect. I truly did not expect that I would be the parent wearing sweat pants, either. I was really naive about how much time those little people take up and how little else you can get done in a day. I really like how you sum up HOW to let yourself be. And I’ve read today’s post and I hope you are comfy in your sweatpants, because you deserve that!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 22, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Ha! You are too sweet. Thanks for validating my sweat pants, because I’m going on day #5 of being sick, so I definitely think I deserve them too.

      Reply
  5. Destiny says

    January 27, 2014 at 8:59 am

    Love this, a reminder to all that we have to take care of us as well and for me it’s my Coke shirt that I wear all the time because hey, it’s comfortable and makes me happy.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 27, 2014 at 9:01 am

      Glad you liked it! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Marielle says

    June 4, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    This post has such a balanced “realness” to it. Thanks!

    Reply

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  1. Human Rights: Moms are Denied Them Too. - Perfection Pending says:
    October 12, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    […] much as I want to go on and on about letting ourselves just “be” human instead of beating ourselves up all the time, and putting so much pressure on ourselves to […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
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If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

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WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

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