Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Inspiration Parenting Tips

If You Ask Yourself, Am I Enjoying Motherhood Enough? You Probably Are.

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I am one of those people that HATES when someone says to me, “Enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast”. In fact, I’ve been known to share articles that talk about how HARD it is, and how it is impossible to enjoy every moment. But, I want to share the truth about enjoying motherhood. 

I long for someone to validate my feelings that this is overwhelming to raise three small children.

I want someone to agree with me that it is hard. That some days, it sucks. So, I seek those kinds of things out. And, you know what? – it gives me strength. It really does.

It’s important to be aware when we are navigating too much toward the negative though. I know that. No one wants to dwell on all the hard parts of parenting. We WANT to be enjoying motherhood enough. 

Yet, I find myself still saying, “AMEN!” when the blog post validating all of my negative feelings is shared. I skip the sweet, sappy blog posts that go on and on about how wonderful motherhood is. “I don’t want to read that”, I think to myself. Yet, why?

Am I enjoying motherhood enough or am I focused on the negative?

Some people have even gone as far as to say they feel sorry for me because they fear I’m not appreciating enough. Those comments are what stir the emotions of fear, anxiety, guilt and worry. “Am I not enjoying motherhood enough?” I think as I fall to sleep at night.

But, then I have a moment like when my first born lost her first tooth. I pulled it because she wanted me to. She cried a little at first, but then was SO happy.

You see, she’s one of the youngest in her class, and therefore was the second to the last one to lose any teeth. She was desperately wanting it to happen. And, I realized that night, that in the blink of an eye, she got bigger.

Because, you see. It really does go by so fast.

My husband came into me after she was in bed, and I said sadly, “I remember that first tooth coming in!” “You do?” he said. “Well, I definitely remember how sad we were when she cut teeth” He said, “Yeah, because she lost that gummy smile”. We thought about her as a baby in that moment, and we cherished it.

We took pictures of her before bed, we smiled at her in the mirror as she looked at her new reflection. We savored the heck out of that moment. Because it was momentous, and beautiful. It was a milestone.

And, I sit here and think to myself, “It’s OK Meredith…..Breathe. Don’t worry what others say and think”

Because I AM enjoying, savoring, and feeling blessed to be mama to these three people.

It’s possible to be frustrated by the pains of motherhood, and savor it, too.

if-you-ask-yourself-am-i-enjoying-motherhood-enough-you-probably-are

Sure, not every moment is being enjoyed (like the puking, fit throwing, and fighting moments), but the important ones are.

I smiled to myself as my middle child rode his bike this morning ahead of me while I tried to get some exercise in when he was younger. I didn’t know how far he would be able to go since his bike is relatively new, and he went 1.5 miles! I was proud. I told him so.

And, while we were walking and riding together, I soaked up the sunshine and my sweet boys.

And, let’s not forget the baby. I screamed with delight at every new thing he did.

I gave him high fives, and hugs, and kisses galore.

I think it bugs us when people say, “Enjoy It – It goes so fast” because not only are we enjoying motherhood enough, but we bask in it.

We make our kids the priority.

We document every moment.

We sacrifice for them so they have the best we can give them.

And honestly? We hate the guilt trip that statement gives us because we love our kids just as much as you loved yours, Linda.

I remember how he said “baby” as clear as day for the first time at the doctor’s office. I was so happy, and so proud to hear him add another new word to his tiny vocabulary.

The truth is that deep down, I don’t need to read the sappy stuff other mothers write about their own experiences because I have plenty of my own.

And in motherhood, almost every day is a milestone.

Celebrations happen spontaneously. Love is shared, and joy is felt. I won’t say all day every day. But, I will say that daily there is always at least one happy moment I make note of.

THAT IS ENOUGH. It is.

It’s not about me being negative, and forgetting what I have. It’s about me absolutely knowing what I have so well that I’m not afraid to be honest about when it isn’t so perfect.

I want to support other parents when they are having a rough day.

So – to all you other parents out there who feel that anxiety rising up when someone tells you you might not be enjoying motherhood enough because it goes so fast…let it go.

Have confidence that you are enjoying what’s important. Let it go.

And, now that I have three kids, I am no denier that it does go by in the blink of an eye. But, I will savor what is most important. Don’t you worry. This mama does not let the happy moments pass her by.

And, I bet you’re not letting them pass you by either.

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Comments

  1. femalesunitedblog says

    April 23, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Resonating words………………x

    Reply
  2. donofalltrades says

    April 23, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    That little girl has a great smile, gummy and toothy!

    This post reminds me that I meant to write a scathing post about the tooth fairy and how she keeps forgetting to show up when Ace loses a tooth.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 23, 2013 at 2:55 pm

      haha! That would be a good one! I look forward to it. Yeah, with her first, we were careful. But, I’m sure they will start dropping out like crazy and I’m worried about that too!

      Reply
  3. Rayna Drago says

    April 23, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    As you savor the joy of this momentous occasion I am having one of those days where I want to run far far away from my kids who don’t want to seem to listen to a thing I say. Can we switch days tomorrow please?? 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 23, 2013 at 2:56 pm

      ha! I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll have one of those days tomorrow. :/

      Reply
  4. tgeorges1123 says

    April 23, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Totally get it. And you know what I’m learning with a 13 year old, a 12 year old and an 8 year old? That it’s almost impossible to enjoy most of it when you’re in the middle of it. Sort of like a Monet, when you’re too close to the picture you have no freaking idea what it is, but back up several feet and it’s gorgeous. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s sort of like birth – impossible to drum up the pain of childbirth, but you can rile up the happiness of holding your baby for the first time in a heartbeat. 🙂 And those sappy all the time moms? – they are totally full of shizz.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 23, 2013 at 3:43 pm

      I don’t know. I’ve wondered if those moms are actually just really sappy and they can’t help it.

      Reply
      • tgeorges1123 says

        April 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm

        It’s possible. I’m a dork face and can’t help it at all. True story.

        Reply
  5. Michelle says

    April 23, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    I really love your honesty. And I’ll be honest: I’m quite skeptical of people who only ever talk about how wonderful their life is. And like you, I skip over blog posts that are all positive and smarmy. It makes me want to throw up. I wonder how much of it is “positivity” and how much of it is “denial” that sometimes they want to chuck their kids out the window. I would be very skeptical of people telling me that they’re worried I’m not enjoying the good times. I love your “negative” posts and while I’m not even religious, I often say to myself: AMEN!!!!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 23, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      Thank you! But, honestly, I’ve wondered if there are just more positive people than me and it wouldn’t hurt me to be a little more positive. I mean, some people are really positive. REALLY positive. I don’t understand those people, but I do believe they exist.

      Reply
    • Sylvia says

      April 28, 2017 at 3:06 pm

      Lol ???? I think the same thing!

      Reply
    • Sylvia says

      April 28, 2017 at 3:17 pm

      I think it helps to read that other moms are going through the same “shizz” storm as we are. I even noticed I let go of a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I think as moms we feel vulnerable to the “I’m not enough version of who we think we should be”. It sucks to feel that way and to think that other moms think that of you or of themselves. So it’s nice to see that there’s other moms that get it!!! That aren’t just putting up a facade of I’m perfect bs. It talkes a lot to admit that I’m not meeting this high standard of expectations that seem to hover over moms. Some days I don’t care and I actually thrive but other days I feel that lack of everything I didn’t meet and it feels bad. It feels like I’m not doing enough or trying hard enough and it just leads to a cycle of guilt versus to do lists to full fill said expectations and guilt again once I don’t. So just want to say thanks to all of you moms that are brace enough to be ok with admitting that you’re just getting by some days. It reminds me of what’s really important and it’s not my unrealistic to do lists lol.

      Reply
  6. Amber Perea says

    April 23, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    I don’t think you’re negative (does that mean I’m negative?). I read good and bad and everything in between.

    People that are truly negative don’t see the good in the bad, which you always do. If someone thinks that you are missing the good obviously doesn’t actually read your blog religiously. You have beautifully written and wonderful posts full of the joys more often than not.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 23, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      I agree!! Of course I’m not perfect and I can definitely be negative at times but I try to find the good eventually!

      Reply
  7. mkstump says

    April 23, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    Well said. I tend to be disturbingly optimistic, but I also think that the mommyhood thing is ridiculously hard sometimes. Nice to know I’m not the only one. 🙂 And you’re right.. there is at least one happy moment everyday!!

    Reply
  8. monk-monk says

    April 23, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    I have to catch myself too, when I’m found in too much negativity…and I have to be careful IRL and in blog-land that I don’t create friendships based on ‘trauma bonds’ (where you get stuck only talking about negativity. I’ve had co-workers that have remained friends but somehow we STILL five years later go back to talking about (ok, bitching about) the last few months in our office…because that is the foundation for our friendship, and I don’t like it.

    Also, I’ve had a hard week, but then Potamus walked around the block (mostly) unassisted and I felt like…whoa…this is awesome.

    Reply
  9. Jeannie D says

    April 26, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    You always make me feel better Meredith, thank you ❤

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      April 26, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      Aww. So glad. Thanks for always leaving sweet comments, too!

      Reply
  10. Lisa @ TheGoldenSpoons says

    May 2, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    So, so true!!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Scarf Blog says:
    July 3, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    Savor The Moment While Enjoying

    […] t care and I actually thrive but other days I feel that lack of everything I did […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

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New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

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Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

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"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
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