Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Family Sisters

My Adult Siblings Are The Lifeline I Didn’t Know I Needed

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It’s funny how when you’re a child, so much of your existence is wrapped up in the other humans you’re being raised with. Your parents, of course impact who you become. Your genetics do, too. And, you can’t discount the fact that your siblings play a huge role in shaping your outlook on the world.

I have an older brother, and two younger sisters. Sandwiched kind of in the middle, but kind of in the oldest role since I was the oldest of the the three girls, I think my siblings were a vital part of a happy childhood.

Yes, my brother tortured me like brothers, do. Yes, my little sisters annoyed me. Yes, my sisters had my back, and yes, we sometimes fought with our fists. We played barbies, and war with the neighborhood kids. We stayed out until the street lamps came on like people did in the 80’s and 90’s. We played too much nintendo and fought about clothes, and friends. We got in trouble together, and blamed each other for things that we din’t want to get in trouble for.

But, the memories of growing up with siblings are happy ones now. The fights, and bloodshed, and tears kind of fade into the background of the fuzzy childhood memories I do have.

Yet, what I underestimated most about the beauty of having siblings are what they have become to me in adulthood. They have become a lifeline that I didn’t know I needed.

There is a big chunk of time when we were young adults and I had no clue what they were up to. They had relationships I never really knew much about, and jobs they started and stopped. They had college classes and friendships, careers and failures that we didn’t really talk about. In those early years of adulthood, we were all trying to just find our own way. Find our soulmates. Find out who we really were.

But, now, we’re settling into something different. We’ve all gotten married. Some of us divorced. We’ve all had kids and we’ve all started drifting back together in a new way. A way that is healing all of us, I think.

Our childhood wasn’t perfect. And, there were things that hurt some of us deeply. We’ve been to therapy. We’ve dealt with it, and we haven’t. We’re still trying to make sense of things that happened to us as kids.

Between the four of us, we now live in 3 different states spread out across the country. A couple of years ago, we decided we wanted to have a sibling gathering for Christmas. It was for our kids we said. So they would know their cousins.  But I realize now that we needed it too.

Since that time, we’re all making more of an effort to be in each other’s lives. We have a sibling group chat on What’sApp where we share serious conversations and silly ones. We check in with each other often, and yes, we still get in fights. We are siblings after all.

But, recently, we planned a sibling weekend. In our hometown. No kids. Just the four of us again together. It was weird, hilarious, and healing for my soul in a way I can’t quite articulate.

We drove around our small hometown in Texas and reminisced together. On the same corner we would have four different memories, blending into each other, yet also separate. It was weird how one of us had a close friend on the same street as another in a different year, and an entirely different memory was made that we didn’t know anything about. Even though we lived under the same roof.

We visited our high school and shared memories of detention, and bullies, and our most hated teachers.

We ate too much Mexican food, and laughed until we had tears streaming down our faces.

We visited with dear cousins and laughed at the family neurosis that runs deep down in the blood line.

We visited my grandmother who is suffering from dementia. We sang her songs. Held her hand and listened to her familiar southern phrases spill out in between unrecognizable ones.

We held our breath collectively as we drove across a bridge we had driven across hundreds of times before as kids on our way to our grandmas. Our lungs were much smaller back then, and it was no easy feat to hold our breath for a mile.

We got security called on us because we are a family of loud talkers, and we stayed up way past the point of delirium.

We visited our little house we grew up in. It was being renovated, and lucky for us, we got to go inside. I stood outside my bedroom door and marveled at how so much of my big giant world as a kid wasn’t actually big at all. It was tiny now. The house, the yard, the memories even.

The backyard was overgrown and sad, and the neighborhood wasn’t as nice as it used to be.

Yet, my siblings and I lined up in the front yard and took a picture where we had taken hundreds of pictures from our childhood. First dates, band competitions, first jobs, first days of school, first boyfriends, and girlfriends, first cars. They all existed in that little yard. And, we stood there again. All four of us together. Remembering.

Then we saw it. Our names etched into the concrete foundation my Dad and brother had poured in 1988 when my dad enclosed the garage so we didn’t have to share rooms anymore. Chris, Meredith, Lindsey, and Paige. June ’88.

Some of us cried.

I was shocked to see those four names together 30 years later. Those four people were standing there, too. Stronger. Older. Different. But, together. I realized from that trip, and in that moment, that the four of us are inextricably linked forever. By that house. By the childhood. By the struggles we had growing up and by the happy memories, too.

But, more importantly, by the efforts we make every day to stay close. It healed my soul to stand there looking at those names with them and to know that we’re still going through this journey together. It’s not easy. It’s not even fun some days. In fact, sometimes it’s really damn hard. But, I’ve realized that my siblings, as different as we sometimes are, have become the lifeline to a happy adult life, too. And I’ll forever be grateful for what they did for me then. And, what they do for me now.

Meredith Ethington is a writer and a mom to three, trying to help her kids understand sarcasm and her need for personal space. Meredith’s debut parenting book, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, provides an uplifting yet realistic look at all that is expected of moms in the 21st century and is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at Deseret Book. She proudly writes for many of her favorite parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Babble, Momtastic, and on her own blog. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    May 2, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    I’m so excited for my kids to grow up and have each other. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  2. Andrea Remke says

    July 16, 2019 at 7:26 am

    I love this Meredith! ❤️

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
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New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

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But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
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Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

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"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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