I have 15 days until my youngest turns two. Last days can be hard. They can also be exciting. For me, this is both. Everyday, I look at the little boy that he is becoming and I get a lump in my throat and realize that I’m maybe using the word baby a little too loosely now. After all, a baby doesn’t walk, and talk, and tell you no, and make decisions.
He’s making decisions.
Sure, they’re little ones like do you want oatmeal or a waffle for breakfast. But, the kid knows what he wants. I ask him if he wants to watch Elmo or Bob the builder, and he knows what kind of mood he’s in. Somedays, it’s an Elmo kind of day, and others, it’s definitely Bob the builder.
He is very particular about wearing clothes. And by “particular” I mean he doesn’t want to wear them ever if possible. Thank goodness he hasn’t learned how to take the diaper off…yet.
He is starting to talk so much now that part of me aches for that baby that would just smile and melt your heart, but the other part of me is dying to have a full-blown conversation with such an intriguing kid. But, when he stomps his foot and tells me, “No!” I wonder why I ever wished for him to learn to talk.
I still remember the last days before he was born. Since he is my third, I was convinced he was coming the week of Thanksgiving. Instead, he was 4 days late. Just in time for Christmas.
I could have hated him for that, but I didn’t. It was instant love. He came out crying so softly that I could barely hear it, and I had forgotten how tiny they are when they’re shriveled and bare to the world. I was worried he wasn’t breathing because almost instantly he was content laying on my chest. Quiet. No more tears.
I still remember the most difficult decision I had to make. The one to stop breastfeeding him at just five months old. It literally broke my heart in two and I felt all alone in the world with that big giant decision. I wrote about it back then:
“So, I knew. I had to cut out the night nursings too. I was amazed at how my hormones would draw me back in at the end of the day. I would go all day without nursing and feel good about my decision, but as soon as I would nurse at night, feelings of sadness, regret, and pain came at the thought of giving up breastfeeding. In those quiet moments in the dark, I would pray. I would ask the Lord to give me the strength to carry on if it was the right decision, and bring peace to my heart so I could not fall apart. He did. Every time I prayed.”
You see…this kid and I have been through a lot together.
My little man now looks at me when he’s excited to show me something and says, “mere mere!” which means, “come here!” He does this while gesturing like a real grown up person. He laughs and makes the noise, “pssh” when he thinks something is silly. Just his presence in this family has changed us all for the better. We’ve had to rely on each other more, love more, and share more.
He gets embarrassed when he gets too much attention. I love it. He gets this smirk on his face that just about kills me, and I want to freeze time and make it stop. I don’t want these last days to go by too quickly. But, that’s the thing about last days….you anticipate so much, and then when they are over, you look back at them with aching in your heart for a time long ago. I know it won’t be any different with this one. Turning two is a big milestone. And, while I’m ready for it, I’m just begging for it not to come.
This new little kid…because he’s a little kid now, not a baby. He tests my patience everyday when I try to feed him. Or when he insists on pushing his own shopping cart at the store and if I even attempt to touch it to guide him from running into a poor innocent bystander, pushes my hand out of the way. He’s a blur to me some days…running all. the. time.
Turning two means a year ahead of will power struggles, but maybe a little potty training too. Two means more conversations, and more independence. Two means I can’t call him baby anymore, even though he will forever be MY baby. And these last 15 days before he turns two, you better believe I’m going to over-use that word baby. In a big way.
There are still some days when I marvel that my baby is now 2….2.5 actually, and a dare devil blur also. Where does the time go? Its a good reminder to live in the moment & enjoy it all *the giidm bad & ugly) while you can.
-H
(while I tyoe one handledly with baby P in my lap….inconvenient yes, but the snuggles are worth it!)
Yeah, I have a hard time enjoying the bad, but I do the best I can! 🙂
Oh…makes me teary!! My lil man is 2 as of July 31 and when I ask if he is mama’s baby…he says “no, mama’s boy” ugh, it partly breaks my heart but at least he still claims to be mine. Good luck in the coming days. Xo
Thanks! Yeah, it’s such a bittersweet thing.
Birthdays are so bittersweet. I always feel the need to get all sentimental and nostalgic over my kids whenever they turn a year old. And I remember feeling that when my youngest turned two. And the day he moved out of the crib. At the same time, two is SUCH a fun age. I loved both of my kids during that year…so much.
It is SO fun right now. 🙂
We are on the tail end of 2. With my other children, I was glad to bid goodbye to 2. But since this is my last, I think I’m gonna miss this phase. But I’m definitely not gonna miss the pre-2 era. Those were some hard days without sleep, let me tell you.
Yes. The lack of sleep is the worst part of parenting. Oh, and cleaning up vomit. 🙂
It’s been so long since any of my (3) kids was two! I still remember those times well, but it’s amazing how your mind lets go of some of it, to get through each new phase. I do remember, that like your family, we adored having a baby around with our third. He came four years after our second, so we it was fresh and exciting for all of us. I’m not sure his older brother was as excited as the rest of us (being toppled and all), but mostly we all loved having a little guy around again. The picture of your little man “fixing” the cabinet is yummy! Such a sweet reminder of those precious days! Thanks for joing in the blog fun, Merideth!
Oh, this made me tear up! Despite my recent shenanigans with my own two year old, I can honestly say.- I really love two years old. I do. Especially when compared with some other ages. For instance, seven years old. :/ Gorgeous post!
Thanks! Just linked up my post to your FTSF! 🙂
I catch myself calling C “baby” all the time too, and I know it’s only a matter of time before she’ll probably insist that I stop it. It really breaks my heart, but at the same time, it makes me so thrilled to see how far she’s come. That picture of your little guy by the fireplace is adorable. Don’t you miss the smell of newborns’ heads?
Yes! But, not enough to have another one! 😉
Awe, I love this post. My little man will be 2 in 6 months and some days, I’m counting down. Other days, I think, wow, soon even these days will be gone and I’ll have a little boy and then a teenager! I had to laugh about the times he says no and why you ever wished for home to talk! So funny!
It’s true though, right?? 🙂
Lovely! You are very good at capturing the essence of these last days of being mommy to a one-year old and of your precious little blur! I love your blog design, too, very easy to read. Glad I found you from the RTT bloghop.
I’m glad you found me too!! 🙂