Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement In the Motherhood Inspiration Parenting Perfection

Try Hard. Screw Up. Try Hard Again Tomorrow.

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As everyone is writing out their New Year’s goals, or sharing on social media their word for the year, I have to admit that I’ve come up with absolutely nothing earth shattering. 

NOTHING. 

The new year is always cool. A new decade is definitely a time to reflect for some people.

But, to me, it kind of just feels ordinary this year. I’m still in the thick of motherhood doing what I attempt to do every single day. Trying not to screw it all up. So, to me – this year is just another flip on a calendar, another attempt at a new day. 

And, as much as I could squeak out an inspiring post about new year’s goals or things I’m NOT going to do this year, the truth is, I’m going to do a lot of the same thing I did last year. 

Because so much of motherhood is this:

Try hard. Screw up. Try hard again tomorrow.

And, if we’re really lucky – Sometimes we get it right. 

But, what about my own personal goals? Yeah, of course. Those are important too. If you must know – I’m working on a few. 

I am working on my mental health as usual, working on work, and I REALLY want to write another book in 2020. But, for me, the day to day stuff is where I struggle. Because I don’t know how to necessarily improve there except very slowly. 

Motherhood takes years to get right. That is if we ever actually do. 

I’m convinced that so much of what I’m doing is just a guessing game. I know I’m a good mom deep down. And, yes, I know I get things right, but parenting is an experience of experiments. 

Every day you’re changing. Every day they’re changing. And you’re all a big mess of learning and growth which means we’re all definitely screwing up some of the time. Maybe even most of the time. 

And, you know – I think the bottom line is always true – they mostly just need love. And, most moms give that out to their kids in great amounts. 

So, yes it could feel like a total downer to imagine that you’re screwing up most of the time, but I believe the stuff that really matters comes from the heart.

The way you hug them tight when their heart is broken makes them feel seen. And makes them willing to come back to you for the next heartbreak. 

When you listen – REALLY listen they know you care. 

When you make the lunches, and fold the laundry, and pick up their shoes they always leave out every single day of their lives they will eventually notice that the invisible person doing all of that magical stuff is Mom. You. The person that is always there. 

But, also – they’ll realize that they have a person that is always there. 

You are there, and that’s most of it. That’s the big secret. Being there and loving is the crux of what they need. That’s it. That’s the big reveal. 

And the rest is just a big fat experiment of trying. 

Try hard. Screw up. Try hard again tomorrow. That’s Motherhood.

So, this year, I have goals, sure. But, my reality is in the nitty gritty of the every day. And, that’s a lot of showing up, trying hard, screwing up, and trying hard again tomorrow. It’s not a lot different than what I’ve been doing the last 13 years I’ve been a parent. 

A lot has happened to me in the past decade. I’ve definitely changed and grown in this weird parenting experiment. But this decade I plan on doing more of the same. And one day, it’s going to add up to a whole lot of reward. 

Promise. 


3 Comments

« Moms Are The Holders
Here’s Why I’ll Never Stop Talking About How Sucky Motherhood Is »

Comments

  1. Sue says

    January 3, 2020 at 11:40 am

    Your writing is my reward.🥰

    Reply
  2. Treading water says

    January 10, 2020 at 9:08 pm

    I really needed this article today. Thank you for speaking about parenting in the real world.

    Reply
  3. Brianna says

    April 8, 2020 at 9:58 pm

    Ok…I love this title and I love this article! I have that same mindset! I believe all of us moms just want to become better!
    You are spot on mom!

    I love your niche here, girl!
    I hope you can check out the experiences I share in my home as well!

    We are all in this together just hoping we get it right!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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